How attraction works Women are attracted to non-needy men. Non-needyness is almost synonymous with confidence, not-nervous etc. Secondly women are attracted to men who show desire in them. This is why escalation is important. Coincidently, today an article was posted with more information on how this works, I suggest reading the TLDR of that here. Conversation just provides the opportunity to interact with each other. More on that later, first I'll discuss how to become non-needy.

Fundamentals Since non-neediness implies being self-sufficient, the first step is to focus on yourself more in the following areas:

Body Language Body language entails sitting up straight, moving slowly and deliberate, having good posture etc. There are many books on this for future reference. Body language decreases your neediness because if you have good body language in a stressful situation you will become less stressful etc. Proof of this is the much referred to TED talk by Amy Cuddy (here)

Eye Contact High value males are good at keeping eye contact and they aren't nervous doing so. Fortunately you can consciously practise this, just look people in the eye when you talk to them and when they talk to you. It might feel awkward at first but this will go away after a while. You'll also notice that not a lot of people are good at keeping eye contact and they'll look away. Keeping eye contact even though you are nervous, just like with body language, make you less nervous. Keeping eye contact is also attractive, but more on that when I discuss escalation.

Nofap In order to attract women, you have to feel desire for them. If you're masturbating 24/7 you will feel little desire to go after real women. If you're permanently horny even though you masturbate you can disregard this bullet.

Working out Working out improves your confidence, testosterone and your posture. It makes you more physically attractive.

Mindset Mindset is really important in order to be able to keep frame control later. Mindset makes you non-needy because it helps you to increase your own perceived value of yourself as well as lowering the perceived value of women, by taking them off the pedestal. The key to mindset is having proof of it. If you have proof of something you can logically reframe your thoughts by pointing at the proof. That's why focussing on yourself is so important. It's a lot easier to convince yourself that you're awesome if you can point at your achievements and draw the conclusion. Mindset helps you to take girls of the pedestal by realizing 'it's just a girl, there are an infinite amount of girls, this one is not so special'.

Mindsets that you should have: - You're a high value individual with your own wants and desires. - It's just a girl: don't put her on a pedestal - Girls want sex as well and maybe they want it more than guys do.

General lifestyle General lifestyle is improving yourself. To get this part sorted first define your purpose: what's the person you are in your dreams. For example if you aspire to be an intelligent individual that's the best of the best, then becoming that is your purpose. Next step is defining what needs to be done. In this example you would perhaps need to read a lot of books to become smart, and give effort in your studies etc. Because now you have a goal to attend to, women are automatically less important (see mindset) and you are automatically busy (so don't have to fake being busy to seem higher value).

Interaction Interaction consists of three things: frame control, the conversatoin itself and escalating. It's hard to split things into three categories as frame control and conversational skills go hand in hand, but I'll try anyway.

Conversational skills Remember that the conversation is just there to provide the opportunity to interact with each other. However as a man you must take the initiative in 90% of the situations. This means that you'll have to start the conversation. To keep the conversation going, the concept of conversational threading is frequently referred to, which basically entails that you listen to what she say's and then react to what she says. This is different from interview mode. I'll illustrate with a scheme.

Interview mode 'conversation': Q --> A --> Q --> A Good conversatation: Q --> A --> Comment on A, or further question.

For example interview mode might be:

You "where are you from?" She: "bla". You "ooh thats cool, what do you study?

Good conversation would be the same, but instead of asking another question you continue on to what she actually said, for example: "where are you from" "bla" you: "aah, what it's like growing up there?" or "Oh I've been there, I liked x/y/z".

Frame control Frame control is directly linked to mindset and expressed through conversation. If you have good frame control you won't fail shit tests, because if she tests you you will be able to reframe it. Also with good frame control you won't fall into 'entertainer' mode where you will keep on making jokes to entertain her and to please her. Remember to put some of the pressure of conversation on her as well.

This last point makes you a lot more nervous, because shifting your mindset to focus on what you think of her (thus, what she's like) instead of having the mindset that you have to entertain her (thus you wonder what she thinks of you) is a big difference. Because in the fundamental section you have your mindset in order now you're thinking "well I've started the conversation, now let's see what she's got" instead of the beta-mindset where you try to impress her, or win her over or whatever. Remember girls want to do some of the work as well..

Frame control also allows you to tease her and makes you less nervous. You'll also be more interested in her because now you're not trying to impress her, but you're letting her impress you.

It's hard to explain the mindset/frame control part but I hope it's a little bit clearer now.

Escalate Escalating consists of three things: touch, eye contact and moving closer (source: 60yearsofchallenge). Now you see why eye contact is so important. If you've read a few succes stories lately of guys that pull a lot of girls, you'll notice that almost all of them say that they escalated more. They just go for it. In order to escalate you need the desire (discussed in the nofap bullet), otherwise it won't work. This relates to conversation in the way that while you're speaking to her, and you want to seduce her, you should keep eye contact, increase your touch and get closer to her. She'll feel more attracted to you.

Conclusion That's a whole list. Fortunately, all things in the fundamental category can be deliberately practised. It's just a matter of setting goals and then doing it. Good luck!

Sources Mark Manson's Models 60yearsofchallenge (Escalation part) Shark's The Black Flag (solvemygirlproblems.com