I've been reading this subreddit for quite a while, as well as other subs related to improving yourself and getting better with women. This has led me to the conclusion that a lot of the advice given out here, while it might be true in it's own right, is based on one very important principle that is overlooked many times: self-development.

Mark Manson recently released an article which I found very relevant to the self-development principle. I quote:

And this is the ultimate dating advice lesson — man, woman, gay, straight, trans, furry, whatever — the only real dating advice is self improvement. Everything else is a distraction, a futile battle in the grey area, a prolonged ego trip. Because, yes, with the right tools and performance, you may be able to con somebody into sleeping with you, dating you, even marrying you. But you will have won the battle by sacrificing the war, the war of long-term happiness.

Reading this it all fell in place. The idea is this: if you develop yourself by becoming excellent in the areas that you truly enjoy doing because you want to do them yourself and not because someone else wants you to do them, you will develop great confidence in your own abilities.

Suddenly thoughts like 'I hope I'm doing it right', 'will she like me' and 'what should I say to her' cease to be a problem because due to the confidence you have in yourself these questions will not arive in your head anymore. At this point you will stop worrying about yourself (you know you're good because you are the best at what you do - "Fuck yes!" from the article) and thus you can focus on the other person (/women).

This will instantly change your mentality because now you're not wondering if the girl likes you, but you're wondering if you like the girl.

Because you know you're good enough you will be able to easily execute outer-game operations such as eye contact. Not holding eye-contact is considered as a form of hiding body-language-wise and why would you hide if you're as good as you know you are due to your competence. Also, 'strategies' like assume attraction will be automatic because you know you have something that girls can be attracted to, why would she not? You're competent, remember.

Finally I would like to apply the concept of self-development to conversation. It is generally accepted that frame control leads to dominance in conversations. Well, if you know you're competent, you will be confident, and you will know you are right. This will also allow you to speak up more easily (in group dynamics) since you have nothing to fear. You will not question yourself if something is 'the right thing to say' because you know it is, since you thought it up. Even asking questions if you're not sure will be a good thing, because it means you're just trying to get more competent, remember.

Discuss.