Confidence is important

kyuubil · 2014-06-03T13:00:52+00:00

.. I feel awkward posting on Seddit as a newbie myself, but confidence is one of those things I've had before I started studying Game.

Key thing to remember is, no matter what it is, social interaction is about selling yourself. Have something you're good at? sell it. Take pride in it.

For example, I'm damned good at being awkward and making really dorky jokes, I shit you not, I once had a three hour conversation with a girl about the creation of a squid army, because I mentioned I'd be more terrified of an army of squids than godzilla.

Thats me, kind of the awkward conversations and stupid jokes, but.. that's just it, thats -me-. Not some fake suave persona i've built, but taking the things that make me, -me-, even the ones people would normally be ashamed of, and putting them out there.

Confidence comes from knowing who you are, and owning it. Not being afraid to toss it on the table and go "That's me." without worrying about what people will think.

Fingerpickingood · 2014-06-03T05:35:30+00:00

That's a hard question to answer without knowing anything about you. What are you doing with your life? What are you doing to try to better yourself?

Cali_Val · 2014-06-03T16:09:05+00:00

Honestly? You won't build confidence without competence. Just as with anything else in life, you're not going to be good first starting out, till you build enough competence to make yourself confident.

Think about a time where you knowingly couldn't do something. Try to think when you were younger, its when you were much younger that regardless, you kept trying till you succeeded. Now during that time, do you remember being confident in the task? probably not, you haven't done it enough times to KNOW you're capable.. but you continued at this task, failing and succeeding, till you became good. where your failures were nearly non existent anymore. and because of that, you developed confidence with what you did.

Its this exact principle that needs to be applied to game. You will not be confident with women till you go out and game enough times with enough succession, that you will finally feel confident with them.

All these other things can help boost your potential to succeed (the other comments) but none of them, for the most part, will help you gain the confidence to talk with women, till you go and talk with women.

Learn game. let go of all you know about the dating world (if you keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to keep getting what you've been getting) open your mind and learn.

then take the hugest step of your life and apply it...

That might be a very scary moment, but in time, you will look back at it and laugh. because you'd be so much better at game that your past failures will mean nothing

EternalOptimist829 · 2014-06-03T05:53:28+00:00

This is a hard problem. Starting is the toughest. It will require a shift from thinking you're starting with nothing, to thinking you're starting with something. Perhaps write down your assets, not your assets to women other people but to yourself. You need to find something positive about yourself to focus on, take pride in that part of yourself and nurture it, then branch off from there.

I would work on doing what it takes to think you're an awesome person first before I start putting too much investment in picking up women. Without self-esteem and self-confidence you will never be top-tier attractive. You have to love yourself first to have anyone else love you. What makes you awesome? You need to answer this question before you can really go any farther.

Try therapy, maybe a book. Models by Mark Manson talks about this. A LARGE portion of achieving confidence is taking risks in life concerning things that can pay off, doing things that don't "make sense" at first (like going to college, approaching a girl, asking for a raise, starting a new job, moving, etc.) A lot of what you're missing is pride in yourself, and that can be achieved by taking more risks, trying new things that pay off. It will be terrifying, overcoming this fear is a crucial point of manhood and one of the greatest and most difficult things you'll ever conquer.

g3523 · 2014-06-03T09:20:07+00:00

[permanently deleted]

joshsway · 2014-06-03T15:20:20+00:00

yes, confidence is crucial. The way I think you build it is by taking concrete steps to improve your success. Success breeds confidence. Focus on getting results, not the nebulous concept of confidence.

reigorius · 2014-06-03T23:06:36+00:00

Whatever your age, profession or any other circumstances. There have been three distinct things that once I practised it in real life, clicked in a profound way. And as I believe it is universal, it might do the same for you:

In order of progression:

One. Just start dating women. A bunch of them. Start somewhere. We all want to date miss perfect and miss beautiful from the start. It ain't going to happen. Just start with anybody and have a good time while being a decent chap. You don't need to marry / fuck / seduce / or whatever on a first date. Just try be yourself. If you manage that, confidence comes more natural. It's a learning process. And as the amount of dates progress, your interaction with woman progress to something more sensual and sexual. All because you are becoming more confident because it seems less scary.

Second, in the flirting stage, eye-contact. Look confidently at a girl. And you ooze confidence when whatever she is going to say to you, it will be amusing to you. To make it technically, I look at a girl with a smirk. Not like this, but like this. And I look at her until she moves her eyes away or says something to which I respond. If she keeps looking back dominantly, then still the first mindset applies, it amuses you.

Thirdly, and this has many layers to it: just don't care if she is interested in you or not. Once you start dating more women, start kissing and having sex with them more easily, you'll start to see patterns. Things that work. Eye-contact, physical game, abundance, first kiss, etc. And one of those is that you don't overly show interest. God, I put women on pedestals so high they put them on the moon. No, they are equals or if it is more your style, you'll be more like a paternal figure. You show interest initially, but you are not trying to win her heart by overloading her with your attention. You are not out there to prove to her you are the right one. Don't chase her like little dog. Show interest in small increments.

TL;DR: Just start dating women. It's like practising juggling. You need time to step up the game and get better at it. Don't read too much (read a bit though), just start dating and see what works and what doesn't work for you. I came from a dark place and my life has been totally changed since I started working on myself and taking risks.

And there are some golden tips already posted here and there all neatly condensed for you from some of the best books out there.

Title	Confidence is important
Author	g3523
Upvotes	11
Comments	14
Date	June 3, 2014 5:13 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/276fi1/confidence_is_important/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/confidence-is-important.1286489 https://theredarchive.com/post/1286489

Comments