"It's a numbers game."

"Get ___ approaches under your belt and that problem will solve itself."

"If you approach 100 women, at least one is going to work out."

Any young guy is going to hear a lot directed towards this type of thinking, both from the community and also just from normal everyday people. It's not a new concept. The idea is discussed in decades-old movies, the writings of historical figures, and centuries-old plays and novels.

It's not bad advice. Basic reasoning will dictate that if you are currently getting laid, but you would like to get laid more, making more attempts will lead to more sex. No one can argue with that logic. But "approach more" is not a panacea, as I wil discuss more below.

This post is targeted towards guys who are making approaches but not getting laid. Forget about intermediate results (numbers, text-backs, dates) for a moment. I'm talking about notches in the bedpost. A history of poor results with a certain strategy is a strong predictor that future results with that strategy will yield similarly poor results. In other words, if you have approached 100 women with a certain strategy and not gotten laid once, then it is unlikely that your next 100 approaches with that strategy will yield different results. The conclusion you should draw from poor results is not that you need to approach more; it is that you need to change up your strategy.

How can you change up your strategy? There is no shortage of material on the subject on Reddit, on any number of other sites, in bookstores....hell, you can even just ask for some friendly advice from people you know or even strangers. Everyone will tell you something different, and everything you hear is an element that could potentially help you. Why? Well, all guys are different. There are some things about yourself that you will not be able to change -- your appearance, your personality, your upbringing -- and that "essence" that you have will resonate better with some strategies than others. So it's impossible for me or anyone else to tell you what will work for you.

I won't leave you without any suggestions though. One basic tenet is to play to your strengths. Good-looking guys are going to do well on Tinder. Guys with strong image management skills are going to do better on Facebook and dating websites. More passionate/charismatic guys are going to do better in party type environments. Guys who can sing/play guitar well will do better with a guitar in their hands or a microphone in front of them. Introverts are going to do better in one-on-one dates. But there's still no guarantee that you guess exactly where you will thrive, so just try different stuff! Trial and error is the most basic and the most powerful problem solving technique that exists. Our entire universe was built on the concept of trial and error. Every great discovery in science, every great work of art had at least some element of trial and error to it. In fact, if anyone is seeing stagnate results or feeling hopeless, I can almost guarantee that you reached that point by sticking to tactics that have not produced positive results for you. Ignore how well the stuff works for other guys; the objective is to improve your results. If it's not working for you, switch up your strategy.

I personally believe that any guy with average sexual market value (looks, personality, status, earnings) or greater should be able to develop a strategy that has a 1 in 20 chance of resulting in sex. If you aren't getting those results, ask yourself the following questions:

  • Is my strategy congruent with who I am as a person?
  • Have I been playing to my strengths?
  • Have I been focusing on venues and situations that are likely to yield results, or am I making things too hard on myself?
  • Am I too caught up with imitating guys who I see get good results?
  • Do I have a sticking point such as fear of escalation that is keeping me from getting results?
  • Is there anything else I am doing unconsciously to get in my own way or prevent myself from reaching my goals?

It's sad that there are so many sexless guys out there who are perfectly capable of getting laid but aren't. The solution may be as simple as saying to themselves, "This isn't working. I'm gonna try something different." It isn't an easy thing to do, and going back to the drawing board can seem like a big investment, but doing so can save a lot of frustration in the long run.