Dealing with passive aggressive texts

iConsu · 2016-01-25T23:56:41+00:00

Don't be passive aggressive, it's fucking lame. You could have responded with a tease, something along the lines of "That's the spirit. You don't need no man." or "Wow, a girl with her own sense of identity. A true unicorn." or "You're right. You just won't be as aroused."

Hoek · 2016-01-26T01:49:05+00:00

I'd work on the intent you want to tranport over your communication (verbal, textual or non-verbal).

Examples:

"I want you to wear your favourite heels and frilly panties when you come over for our cooking session tomorrow night."

Intent: communicate sexual interest and attraction, playful assertiveness.

"Hey, ou forgot your fry pan you brought last time we cooked. Sleep well, but know that it is now MY pan. It's having the best time in its life with the other pans in my kitchen and it's not coming back."

Intent: communicate rapport, make her laugh. Make her think of you and/or of an encounter you've had, to reinforce positivity and blissful fun while associating you with it.

(assuming you've already had one or two dates in her or your kitchen and then ended up in the bedroom)

don't get too bored because I'm not there

What is it that you want to communicate here? What was the intent of this interaction?

Now, this could be understood as a neg, implying she has no life without you and doesn't know what to do with her time. This isn't wrong, but the result is highly dependent on the context. Is this playful banter you're exchanging, and are you trying to one-up each other? Or is this coming out of the blue, negging her without any reason, breaking rapport and making her wonder what led you to text this?

It all depends on context; all the examples above could be brilliant, or devastating - depending on context.

In this case, that girl apparently felt an urge to protect herself after she felt her self-image under attack ("I'm an independent woman who has a lot of fun and friends in my life") and felt the urge to invest in you by correcting that. So, at least you know that it's not all lost, but you also gain some calibration experience.

Never, ever try to be passive-agressive. An entire essay could be written on why that ruins all your attraction you've built up until now, but for the moment, just never, ever do it.

That said, "okay" isn't even passive-agressive. It's the 4chan "okay guy" omega male who accepts whatever he's being called, and doesn't even show up to a fight (or, playful, flirty banter, in this case)

So, to sum it up, it was a difficult text to maneuver out of after it got interpreted as a neg in the first place. But there's always a way out. A context switch, an exaggeration, whatever - the usual 101 stuff on comedy and verbal comebacks.

just because you are not here doesn't mean I will be bored

Oh come on, who are we kidding? We both know you're wrapped in a blanket, painting your toe nails with glitter polish fo the 2nd time. Anyway, come over tomorrow at 8, I'm sure you're dying to win back the love of your frying pan, miss smarty-pants.

This could have worked better, again, depending on the ways you've already connected.

The intent in this one would be to get her out of the criticizing, analytical mindset, and into fun and comedy land by framing the interaction into a less serious, more playful scene - and, while you're at it, again taking back control by showing assertiveness and inviting her over.

cheekybarstard · 2016-01-26T05:56:24+00:00

It's a matter of fact reply. They're calling u out on your cocky bullshit.

Get better lines or
Be prepared for all kinds of replies.

You gotta play hardball if you wanna win. If you give up this easily, it's not going to happen.

Drunk_Sensai · 2016-01-26T07:37:10+00:00

The message the girl sent could also be sarcastic. Either way, don't break frame. In many ways it's like a shit test, she wants to see if you'll apologize or become defensive.

CrushHazard · 2016-01-26T18:24:15+00:00

"don't get too bored because I'm not there"

Whether they respond sarcastically or literally doesn't matter. I really don't think this is a good line. What purpose does it serve?

AvocadoCocmaster · 2016-06-02T01:42:54+00:00

I really can't believe this is what people actually talk about. 😆😆😆. Like, this is actually one more thing people worry about. Makes a lot of sense though.

Title	Dealing with passive aggressive texts
Author	sand-which
Upvotes	3
Comments	7
Date	January 25, 2016 11:16 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/42of1p/dealing_with_passive_aggressive_texts/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/dealing-with-passive-aggressive-texts.1401299 https://theredarchive.com/post/1401299

Comments