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[–]Liberaler 3 points4 points5 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
By viewing every situation in life as a test of character. You embrace this test to become a better man on the inside. Outer successes are secondary.
[–]Upset-Temperature 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I understand this perspective and often life just seems to be like that; one challenge after another. That being said, I know that not everyone views life like that and I’m not trying to constantly be “on the grind” in such a deliberate way. From a birds eye view I am doing my best, but I hate the idea of viewing my life like a story arc, it puts too much emphasis on the past and future and not enough on the present. The narrative that you’re talking about is powerful at certain moments, but I don’t think it’s healthy to think about long-term, and to some degree I think it’s self-indulgent. Makes me think of kings in the 1700’s talking about themselves in third person or some shit
[–]Liberaler 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’m not trying to constantly be “on the grind” in such a deliberate way.
Then just use it as a tool, in situations, where your emotions overwhelm you and you want to control them.
it puts too much emphasis on the past and future and not enough on the present.
Imho the opposite is the case, it put's focus only on the present, if outer successes are secondary, as I wrote. If outer sucesses are secondery, there also is no story arc, the test is not about achieving some goal, but to express your deepest truth in every moment.
[–]zapadz 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o7xG6VF0mzU
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD1ny_Q8sKo
[–]RedditsOlderBrah 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
10/10 question. men generally have low emotional intelligence because we are discouraged from being emotionally honest from young.
you learn best from talking it out either with a very good friend or, more typically, a therapist. but writing it down in a journal would work too. you're looking to identify your emotions first of all. once you've identified an emotion you need to explore what this emotion is attached to and why you think your behaviour generated these emotions. once you've done that you will have a clearer idea of how to proceed.
[–]Upset-Temperature 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I appreciate this comment and resonate with it fully. However, when I perform these exercises of self awareness, they are not translating to a happier state of mind. They also aren’t translating to a worse state of mind. It’s just an objective understanding, which is an unemotional thing. So being in tune with my feelings isn’t actually helping me because I’m on my path, doing what I love and treating people the way I want to be treated. I think the kicker is that I’m not being perceived as high value, but being in tune with that feeling isn’t creating happiness within me.
[–]RedditsOlderBrah 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
I’m not being perceived as high value, but being in tune with that feeling
what feeling is that?
[–]Upset-Temperature 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
You’re speaking on the idea of exploring my feelings in order to find the next step. However, when the issue is perception and not execution, my pondering does nothing to resolve or regulate my emotions. I am high value (I know that) but I’m not being seen as such. It hurts
[–]RedditsOlderBrah 1 point2 points3 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
my pondering does nothing to resolve or regulate my emotions.
really?
have you ever heard advice along the lines of 'when women are venting to you about what is bothering them, they don't want you to fix things, they just want you to hear them'?
[–]Upset-Temperature 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Sure I vent as well. But that’s because I can’t regulate myself on my own. With my boys, that’s great that I get that venue to express myself. But girls don’t like that and that also frustrates me because I’m trying to build a future. I have to actively assess who is and isn’t letting me vent. But ideally, I would just deal with that on my own and not spread my negativity of being lost in thought onto others
[–]ilikepizza2004 -1 points0 points1 point 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
I just keep detached in all relationships if I’m honest just numb your emotions and don’t catch feelings
[–]Upset-Temperature 2 points3 points4 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Actively being detached means that you have a piece that wants to be attached. I don’t want to negate any of the feelings I have, I just want to be seen for who I am and not who I can be or who I should be
[–]Classic_Cable_9212 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Breath into them and let the unhelpful thoughts drift off or reframe them into healthier thinking patterns
I always do this. It’s a great technique. I just wish I didn’t have to do it near constantly
[–]ChoppedBelAir 0 points1 point2 points 3 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
There's a few books that could be helpful.
Mark Manson's "subtle art of not giving a fuck"
Thibault Meurisse's "master your emotions"
They're pretty good listening for the commute and have a lot of interesting perspectives and exercises that can help with your own emotional awareness and somewhat emotional communication.
I'd also recommend looking for books on communication.
Maybe also "the dip". A book about struggle before seeing success
"Don't believe everything you think" can be decent if you don't mind the Christian overtones and heavy reference to manifesting
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[–]Liberaler 3 points4 points5 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]Upset-Temperature 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Liberaler 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]zapadz 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedditsOlderBrah 1 point2 points3 points (5 children) | Copy Link
[–]Upset-Temperature 0 points1 point2 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedditsOlderBrah 0 points1 point2 points (3 children) | Copy Link
[–]Upset-Temperature 0 points1 point2 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]RedditsOlderBrah 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Upset-Temperature 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ilikepizza2004 -1 points0 points1 point (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Upset-Temperature 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Classic_Cable_9212 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]Upset-Temperature 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]ChoppedBelAir 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link