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[–]swedishmeatballs7 29 points30 points31 points 7 years ago (7 children) | Copy Link
Good work on overcoming approach anxiety. One thing I noticed that you should never do again is self-deprecate. This shouldn’t be a habit to get into if you want to appear confident. When you’re talking to that group of girls and basically saying “I think I’m stupid” regardless if its sarcasm or not doesn’t make you any more attractive.
[–]WhatAHugeDeck 14 points15 points16 points 7 years ago* (4 children) | Copy Link
That's not entirely true. Self-deprecating can be a fantastic tool to disarm defence, especially if you're good-looking and fashionable. Looking too perfect can come across as either threatening (to a 'superior') or slimy (to a 'subordinate'). Also, self-irony is very confident, especially following a neg that proved to be too harsh.
[–]ModernBaseball999 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hey I think I’m the user you’re talking about! This makes me really happy Man, great work
[–]GGuy999 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Thanks my man, let's motivate each other, ok 😂
[–]swedishmeatballs7 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
You’re right! Having an amusing and witty humor about yourself is very confident and attractive. However, self-deprecation is not classified as “game” because it signals even lightheartedly that you have low self-esteem and are inferior in some regard. Which honestly isn’t attractive to women or people in general.
Like for example if you were at an interview for a job you really wanted and you start saying as a joke, “Haha yeah I’m really not that smart.” That isn’t being humble. That is some insidious conditioning you think will make the interviewers like you. Conveying confidence would give off more of a vibe that you are completely competent and you aren’t apologetic for it.
I’ll address what you said about coming across as too perfect. Being confident in yourself and having high self-esteem does not remotely signal that you are better than others in any way. It signals that you are happy with the way that you are and nothing can change that. Also having high self esteem is the first step in becoming wholeheartedly selfless and genuinely caring about relationships with the people you love and care about. Hope that clears things up!
[–]WhatAHugeDeck2 points 7 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
In context of what OP said/wrote, I completely agree. I am disagreeing with the ending of your first comment, that even sarcasm is guaranteed to come off as bad. If you regularly make use of cocky funny, for example, and you've used a bit too much cocky, then a joke on your own expense is exactly what is needed to balance things out. Also, if your "target" (still don't like that word) is, or in any way feels, as if she is 'beneath' you, that you're 'out of her league', and you try to constantly up yourself, you can certainly scare her off easy.
Even though it is slightly off-topic, as confidence plays a major part in delivering a joke on your own expense well, I also slightly disagree with the notion that confidence doesn't 'remotely signal' that you're better than anyone else. A person with little to no confidence, might feel personally attacked when you nonchalantly present yourself as the person they wish they themselves were. It is much easier to point the finger toward others, than it is to point it toward yourself.
Again, I cannot understate the importance of confidence in any endeavor; while it does not guarantee success (just as lack of it doesn't guarantee failure), it definitely improves the odds significantly. I just believe that one of the most confident traits one can have, is to be conscious of your own flaws and use them to your advantage. To use your job interview analogy: no, you probably shouldn't go into a job interview, advertising how stupid you are, but you definitely don't want to be the guy who straight-face answers "working too much", when the interviewer asks what your biggest weakness is. But I think we agree for the main part, I'm just addressing absolutes here.
[–]Funkimonkey 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
This is wrong. Self-deprecating humor works great BUT it has to be said with confidence and it has to be funny.
This is because the point is light-heartedness and ego-removal. It’s actually a strong display of confidence.
Once I got over my insecurity of being bald (and shaving completely) I actually started making more jokes that work great.
Whenever a girl has dyed hair or some cool braid, I’ll say “Hmm. I think I should do my hair like that.”
Always gets a laugh and girls love it.
[–]GGuy999 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
@swedishmeatballs7 (haha nice nick) thanks for advice :)
[–]machiavelli949 7 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
You have great funny openers, even i smiled when i read it. I wish i could think of those openers myself.
thanks a lot!
[–]Iknowimaking 7 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
Todd Valentine refers to the chit chat as the 30 minute conversation to nowhere. The remedy to this is to establish the premise of the interaction as man to woman. Show her you have a penis essentially. The easiest way to establish premise is to outright call the girl cute or compliment her. However, this is problematic because it puts the girl on a pedestal and gives her higher value in the interaction. You instead want to simultaneously establish man to woman premise AND retain your higher value. This can be accomplished by softening a compliment (The difference between saying to the girl "you're beautiful," and "there's something interesting about you but I'm not so sure."), disqualification and push and pull. Todd has great videos on all of these, I'll link them below. Honestly great job on actually opening her friends and doing the approach. That takes balls!
How most don't understand showing intent:
How to establish premise/show intent:
Flirting (Push Pull, Exaggeration, Misinterpretation):
Thanks for the comment, and for the links. I am mostly focused on just approaching right now, but yeah I need to show my intentions more clearly (or at all lol). I am doing The Natural right now so let's see what it has to say in that matter, besides Todd.
[–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Fucking Awesome!
You did good. Observational openers are easy. The girl with the red purse... Think for a moment on all the things that you could have said to her about her purse the first time you saw her... "Hey, i love the color of that purse, that purse is so red, you could be a fire fighter..."
In the end, it doesn't matter what you say, as long as you say something... with solid eye contact and a genuine smile or smirk...
I think you would do well to look up "Todd Valentine" videos, or look through his new channel, ToddV on youtube. I love his cold approach techniques:
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo9XJennsRNhyPbXCq6e8aw/videos
Here is some of his that I love:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YnJCnIGciEM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6V-G1CE1xc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=K8_TBjaiNUk
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=saKbzqbY1kg
Now, in the end, life is 10% theory and 90% action, so watch the videos, get some ideas, and go out and practice!
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[–]swedishmeatballs7 29 points30 points31 points (7 children) | Copy Link
[–]WhatAHugeDeck 14 points15 points16 points (4 children) | Copy Link
[–]ModernBaseball999 2 points3 points4 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]GGuy999 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]swedishmeatballs7 0 points1 point2 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]WhatAHugeDeck2 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Funkimonkey 4 points5 points6 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]GGuy999 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]machiavelli949 [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]GGuy999 2 points3 points4 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Iknowimaking [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]GGuy999 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]1z1z2x2x3c3c4v4v 1 point2 points3 points (0 children) | Copy Link