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[–]hunterpua 5 points6 points7 points 5 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
I can figure out the social aspect, but I wanted to know how I should approach the sexual aspect of dating without knowing how to kiss or have sex. What are some tips you would all recommend? Or am I gonna have to go in there honest, kissing like a fish out of water? Lol. Thanks again.
Be honest not only about your inexperience but also about your concerns and the things you might be uncomfortable with about sexuality at the moment.
Also be honest about these things with yourself so that you don't forget to still be selective about the girls you allow to share your first sexual experiences with.
The right girls will make your first time great and will teach you and set you up to develop good sexual skills, the wrong ones will just make you feel like crap about being a virgin and not knowing what to do
So make sure you're very vocal about looking for the right girl to take your virginity.
Look for ones who can ease your worries and who are willing to help you through your first time.
If you find yourself on a date with a girl who just makes you feel like you should have all that figured out on your own and it's your job to please her without her needing to contribute anything then its completely acceptable to walk away from that girl.
Trust me, sex isn't only about how a girl looks.
Think of the celebrity crush or a model or just a girl that you really lust over that gives you an animalistic desire to just ravage her body. Even if that's how you feel looking at her, if you have sex and she just lays there doing nothing or rides you in a way that makes your dick hurt really bad (which is a common occurrence when girls aren't good at being on top) then sex with that girl will feel like shit, regardless of what she looks like.
Its in your best interest to be selective about girls who are actually willing to help out with your first few times and make those standards known. It benefits you in terms of your mental health and even in terms of the pleasure and enjoyment you're gonna get from having sex.
[–]AdGroundbreaking6315 3 points4 points5 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Wow. Yeah I kind of didn’t even consider that dating is a two a street. Yeah I mean I technically always knew that but I always ended up putting all the responsibilities on myself. I have to learn to understand that everything isn’t my fault while also taking responsibility for me “actual” actions. Kind of makes me feel less anxious overall after reading that. Thank you. You have a lot of good insight there.
[–]Lazlo25 4 points5 points6 points 5 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Ima be real with you bruh. I read a few of the other comments telling you to “be honest about your inexperience” or “accept yourself” and all I’m gonna say is that in the 21st century dating market, things might not go so well with mindsets like that (especially in America if you live here). One of the biggest teachings in seduction is to “be confident” and in the beginning a whole lotta that is “faking confidence” until you get it for real. I mean think about it, no girl wants some guy who doesn’t know what he’s doing. If you make up for it in other areas maybe she’ll overlook it, but girls today aren’t here to be compromising and accepting. After all, they have the power since they have all the options, so they don’t need to be understanding.
As for accepting yourself, I’ve always thought that was bullshit, like there’s a reason you’re not killing it with females the way your are now, so you should definitely start positively changing things about your life if you want your situation to change.
Now to answer your question, to approach the sexual aspect of dating, do your research through books and YouTube and whatever you can find. Then after that all you can do is use what you’ve learned to make your experiences with women go as smoothly as possible, and keep practicing until you can seamlessly put what you’ve learned into practice.
[–]AdGroundbreaking6315 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah that’s what I’ve been trying to do. Focus on myself as much as I can so I can have the confidence and self respect to undertake the regular world. I guess the only gripe I have is... How do I fake knowing how to kiss a girl lol? Or have sex? It’s gonna be obvious at first, so I figured that would be unavoidable. I understand the sentiment of not being super upfront with my situation because it appears undesirable to women. So I’d probably avoid making it my whole identity tell I couldn’t hide it anymore. What you said I think is important to consider as well, thanks for the reply.
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points 5 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
This is stupid, since you only need to have sex once to not be a virgin anymore and like hunterpua said, the right girl will set you on the right path to get good at sex.
If you're just gonna pretend and do research then its like learning martial arts from a book rather than from an instructor. You might look cool on the outside but behind closed doors when its time to get down to business you're prematurely ejaculating, trying to stick it into her pubic bone, unable to get hard enough, can't find her clit or g-spot, not using the right pressure, and overall just fumbling your way through sex.
Do you just wanna have the bragging rights of fucking girls while hoping they never tell anyone how the sex went or would you rather be able to actually rock a girl's world?
Lets take 2 virgins, one pretends he's experienced and the other one is just real and selective. And let's throw the pretender a bone, let's say the pretender actually puts on a convincing act.
Pretender guy might get pretty good successes before the end of the month if he's always going out meeting girls. Probably get a bunch of numbers and some dates and multiple opportunities to have sex.
Honest Selective guy might not do too well until the beginning of next month. He might talk to as many girls but maybe not get as many numbers but maybe he was the one who wasn't interested in some of those girls because he is looking for the right girl for the job.
Once both guys start having sex Mr. Pretender might quickly go through 3 girls but didn't manage to get any of them to cum and none of them called him back or are really interested in seeing him again because he didn't back up this image he portrayed, which sucks because Mr. Pretender feels like he didn't really make the most of the sex in terms of his own pleasure coz he was too busy trying to do those things he read on the internet and came too quickly, before he could really let the girls show him any of their moves.
And what did he learn about sex other than he sucks at it?
What a badass, Mr. Pretender going through 3 girls in less than a month of losing his virginity, yeah!
Honest Selective guy starts meeting girls who would be interested in taking him through having sex for the first time but he doesn't go for it right away, he gets to know them and tests and challenges them to make sure its something they're not just into but excited about doing.
He even tries to tell them, I can't kiss like this, I can't touch you like that, I don't know what to do with a vagina, just to test who is actually willing to stick around and go through with it.
And guess what, one girl sticks around. She doesn't care that he doesn't know how to do any of these things, actually, that's not true, she cares about it a lot but in a way that it turns her on because she actually has a virgin fetish and she likes feeling like she's the one taking their innocence.
They have sex and she takes him through everything.
Since her kink isn't about him knowing what to do but about taking his innocence, she's more than willing to have repeat performances, because she can't show him everything in one night.
While doing so she also shows Mr. Honestly Selective all the tricks she knows and tries to take him to heights of pleasure he never even thought he could reach.
Over time, through direct instruction, Mr. Honestly Selective knows exactly where and how to touch a girl, what kinds of pressures and rhythms and movement patterns to use, and he's been edged a lot and practiced lasting long with Ms. Virgin Kink whereas Mr. Pretender doesn't even know what edging is or what he's missing.
Because he continued to see her for a period of time he also learned how to handle girls in situations that don't involve actually having sex. Maybe Ms. Virgin Kink also shows him how to turn a girl on in situations where they're still wearing clothes and how to play with their body to turn them on so hard they beg him to put his dick in them.
And since she's showing him the ropes, she tells Mr. Honestly Selective a bunch of the secrets that girls have that Mr. Pretender never learned from his 3 girls because he spent more time talking and less time listening to them and they disappeared from his life as soon as they left his bedroom the first time.
Ms. Virgin Kink and Mr. Honestly Selective go their separate ways but guess what, Mr. Pretender is now starting to feel like seducing girls and getting them into bed is like a chore, such a pain in the ass to keep up this act, if only they'd just fuck him without him needing to put in so much effort.
Meanwhile, Mr. Honestly Selective is living that life that Mr. Pretender wishes he had. He's not pretending to know what to do, he actually knows how to do everything so all he does really is just do what he already knows and the majority of girls keep coming back for more with him, some are even willing to share him.
Mr. Pretender is still going through one night stand after one night stand, and is actually still leading in terms of sheer quantity because he's very motivated to find more girls to have sex with after the previous ones ghost him after one night, Mr. Honestly Selective isn't that motivated to find more though because its hard enough to keep up with all the girls who still wanna keep fucking him as it is.
Mr. Pretender might always have a 3 to 1 lead but do you think he's really making the most out of his sex life just coz he has a more impressive lay count?
[–]Good-Tap-9604 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hook ups is just a numbers game . It's like doing a mission on GTA where you just gotta keep trying no matter how many times you fail . Something didn't work then you try another method, memorise some jokes ,some facts . Go in with the mindset that you a lucrative person. Eventually you will score a girl . And from the same girl you could possibly get couple more hook ups without any efforts.
Before you do anything your mindset has to be right or else you will end up looking like a creep . Hit the gym not only does it keep you healthy but also puts you in a better shape and makes you feel better. Wear clothes that fits you . Get your teeth whitened. Get s haircut whatever makes your confident
[–]AdGroundbreaking63152 points 5 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link
I’ve been working out for the past year and a half and it has definitely made me felt better overall. Yeah, I’ll probably try and avoid looking like a creep. While I’m not opposed to hook-ups I probably wouldn’t prefer it. Not to say I even have the options in the first place. Can’t really get a haircut because I ended up losing most of my hair by the time I was 19, so I shaved it all off. Ended up being the right choice because I was more worried about it before. The GTA analogy makes sense, let’s just hope it’s not the one where it’s catching Micheal’s wife banging the Yoga instructor lol. Thanks for the reply. Adapt and overcome? I’ll Keep that mindset in mind.
[–]Liberaler 1 point2 points3 points 5 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Hey,
it's all a progression towards feeling and understanding better. At no point you can be perfect, nor have be. Accept the way you are now and be aware of your value. Self-acceptance is key. Having female friends in your social circle will also help you to normalize interacting with women and they will help you to reflect your dating experiences. But you also should have male friends you really open up to and support each other. This way you can learn with and through other people. View dating as a learning experience and don't be afraid to fail. Every date will teach you something. Unpleasant dating experiences will teach you even more and therefore be very valuable to you. Trial and error.
Put yourself out there and deal with problems if and when they arise. Also, don't just ask what makes women feel good. Also ask what is good for yourself. All involved should feel good, that includes you.
Good luck!
Thank you very much for that reply. I definitely still have that lurking of self depreciation lurking from a long time ago. I have been working to fix that and your kind words motivate me to not give up. It all means a lot.
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[–]hunterpua 5 points6 points7 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AdGroundbreaking6315 3 points4 points5 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Lazlo25 4 points5 points6 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]AdGroundbreaking6315 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]BurnItDownSR 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
[–]Good-Tap-9604 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AdGroundbreaking63152 points [recovered] | Copy Link
[–]Liberaler 1 point2 points3 points (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]AdGroundbreaking6315 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link