I was at a club with my friends. We were dancing and having a good time. There was a girl who I assume was the event photographer. I noticed her, thought she was cute, but didn’t do much since I was so involved in enjoying myself.

After a while, I went outside for a smoke. When I re-entered the club, I saw her again and we made eye contact for a few seconds before I went back to dancing with my friends. Over the next five minutes, I started checking her out, and she seemed like the type I’d be into. I got super involved in dancing again and thought, I’ll talk to her after this song. But when I looked up, she was gone. I didn’t think much of it.

Later, I went outside for another smoke and saw her at an intersection, just on her phone (I assume she was waiting for a cab).

I approached her and opened with a random line: “Are you allowed to have conversations right outside of work?” She smiled, and we started talking about her being an event photographer and whether it was a side gig. She said she worked at a non-profit, and I made a banter-y comment like, "I see why you need a side gig then." She smiled.

She mentioned that she does photography from time to time and has an event next week. I said, "Let me get your number then, and I’ll see you at the event." She hesitated and offered her Instagram instead. I don’t have an active Instagram (I have a throwaway account, but I don’t use social media for my mental health). I told her, “I don’t have Instagram, but I’d love to grab your number.” She said no, so I wished her a good night and told her to get home safe.

While I understand she’s a photographer and might prefer to promote her Instagram, or maybe that’s just how she’s comfortable sharing her info, I felt like when someone avoids giving their number and offers Instagram instead, it’s a pretty clear sign that they’re not interested that way and are just being polite. I could’ve taken her Instagram, but because of that it felt like she wasn’t really into it.

So, the question is: Did I give up too early, thinking it was a sunk cost? Or should I have kept bantering and maybe just taken her Instagram?