I've struggled with this problem and still do. It didn't really click until I saw a post about a guy who is reasonably good looking but girls would start flaking on him. He even said he didn't escalate anything. That really struck a cord with me. I've constantly been told by girls that I am marriage material or boyfriend material but then they would flake out on me. The issue was I wasn't escalating in any form because I was a giant pussy and kinda feared to look like a creepy douchebag.

My therapist brought it up yesterday when we were talking about a girl who obviously had strong feelings for me but drifted away. I never made a move on her and she was actually the one that made the move to hold hands with me. He did some relationship test for me to see the health of my relationships and I scored high on family relationships and my relationship with myself but scored low on relationships with others that I have a romantic interest. Long story short, there was no intimacy in my relationship with them as I wasn't escalating. All that bullshit about trying to don't come off as a creepy douche was actually hurting my relationships.

If you aren't putting the moves on a girl or actively escalating you aren't being the noble nice guy that she will eventually fall in love with. She isn't going to see you as a guy who isn't trying to take advantage of her; all you are doing is sabotaging your intimacy with her and the relationship.

This might be pretty known around here but I feel like it might help some newbie skeptical about escalating who pops up on Seddit.