All this time, I just wanted to lay a white girl to prove that I am no less sexually desirable than other South East Asian guys who do. I mean I wouldn't care much if I don't get the girl because she has a flight in 2 hours or is a nun or something. I got upset those nights where I saw the guys get girls while I went home empty handed. The worst is when the girl rejected me but went to another Asian guy. Oh man, that was probably the worst night I've had. I went home and couldn't sleep till noon that time.

Just a bit of my background, I've been suffering depression due to my height for years. Not a single day goes by where I don't think about it. For me height is beyond dating, it beat the shit out of me in every single aspects of my life and will continue doing so for as long as I live, and I am very certain about it. But for sex appeal, I believe it is incredibly important. I believe that I need to reach certain height in order to be conventionally attractive. I am not talking about finding the perfect single individual, I am talking about how I am gonna look like when I bump into a 5'11" tanned fit South East Asian guy who has a decent social skills.

So I think it doesn't really matter. I get girls or I don't get girls, my height is still same, my face is still same. I will still be inferior to other taller Asian guys. If the following day a girl sees me, she'd perceive me the exact same way regardless of whether I fucked a girl the previous night or not.

I've decided that the root of my problems is solely my height. Even if I get laid, there's a chance I would still be pissed. But if I was tall and feel good-looking, I probably wouldn't really care if I don't get laid and would laugh looking at these girls with unworthy guys.

I think physical attraction is no 1 for me. I still think it's important to learn how to talk to women, how to behave, etc. I would still go out and do everything I am supposed to be doing which is educating myself and approaching etc. But I think I'd care way less this time. I'm digusted by myself and don't really expect other people to like me.

Just like going to gym is just for the sake of doing it. A fit short guy is better than a lanky short guy. But other than that there's not much I could expect from it.