Sets: 12

Closes: 3 numbers

Obama and I head to the mall. I need to buy pants and button-down shirts. As soon as we step into the first store, I can tell last night did little to prepare me for today. The AA in the mall is miles high. Malls are places where people usually mind their own business - very different from a Salsa Club where it is expected that guys approach girls to dance.

I decided to learn canned material, but I hadn't yet prepared anything. Obama gave me the Cologne Opener. You spray each wrist with a different cologne. When in set, you say, "I was just trying out colognes. There were two I liked, but I couldn't decide which. What do you think?" Then you just hold out your wrists.

So, first stop is the cologne section. I spray up and the perfume seller-ladies come over. Obama delivers some of the opener, so I finish it up and offer my wrists like some suicide doll asking for a slice. She nuzzles my skin, but that's her job, right? Anyway, I practiced the opener, so let that be set number one.

The perfume lady goes into used car saleswoman-mode and starts spraying me up. Soon enough, I have a headache and can't tell the difference between scents. The lady shoves a small jar of coffee beans under my nose, saying it will clean my palette, but I'm still feeling light-headed, so Obama and I peace.

My second approach is this block-away lady who turns out to be a 50 year old Pacific Islander. Her face was hidden behind something, so with her decent body, she, well, looked great from a block away!

As soon as I open my mouth, she says, "No. No, I don't want to. No." I smile.

"This perfume isn't for you, it's for me."

"No. No, I don't want to. No!" I laugh.

"Hm, you definitely seem like you don't want to." She laughs. "Well, okay. But I'm still angry about it," I joke as I leave.

We step in another store and Obama points me at a cute blond. Ugh, the AA is massive, but I do the opener. It works perfectly, but I freeze up and eject. I don't mind too much because, like in my other FR, my only goal is to approach. Also, the idea is to learn one new opener for each day I go sarging. In that way, I'll slowly build a routine stack. Since today is day one, I only have one routine.

I find the jeans section and Obama recruits the help of a sales rep. Let's call him Sammy the Sales Rep. I really just need him to point me to the skinny jeans section (Hipsters ♥ skinny jeans! Maybe I'm a Hipster?), but I decide to chat him up to practice talking, which of course includes affectionately bashing on hipsters.

Obama and I had dubbed today Vocal Projection Day, so as I tried on the jeans, I would step out to fluff excessively loudly with Obama, Sammy, and the dressing room lady. And each time I stepped out, I spied this cute employee looking at me as she walked through the clothes racks. The warmup sets were already making my AA feel better, so I knew I had to approach her.

As I left the dressing room behind, I kept fluffing with Sammy until I saw the cute employee again. "Excuse me for a sec, Sammy," I said, with the intent of going up to the girl with Obama, Sammy, and the dressing room lady rooting for me. Unfortunately, Sammy didn't get it. "Oh yeah! Enough talk. Let's ring up these jeans!" Rawr! Cock-blocked!

I try to excuse myself a few more times when Sammy starts fluffing again instead of ringing me up, but it doesn't work. Then he mentions he's playing in a band near where I live. Interested in the band, I forget the girl, get the Facebook for Sammy's band, and keep fluffing. But then, I see the girl again, so I pay hurriedly then bolt to find that girl.

I walk up to her register, show the slip of paper with the band's Facebook on it and say, "Johnny Madcap and the Distractions, next Friday at Long Beach. You and me, let's go." (Shameless promotion. ♥)

"Huh?"

"Your co-worker Sammy's band. Let's check it out."

"Yeah, sure! I'm not really a 'go out and do stuff kind of girl.'"

"What kind of girl are you then? A stay at home and snuggle on the bed kind of girl then?" She giggles.

"I'm boring!" she says. A wing of mine had a girl say this to him once.

"Yeah, you are so boring. You know what's coming next, don't you? I'm going to go old school on you, though. Pen and paper. Ooh yeah." I hand her a pen and paper.

"Oh, my number?" She writes her digits and hands me the paper.

Fast forward: Two gorgeous Korean girls are walking around outside with two adorable three year olds. One of the Korean girls is a straight up 10 and I'm melting. We see them several times and Obama keeps pushing me to approach. After seeing them the third time, we sit down on some chairs nearby and Obama continues to tell me to approach. After several minutes, I get up like "Eye of the Tiger" is playing and walk toward her.

I feel sick. I want to throw up. There are two toddlers and another woman there. It's unthinkable. I do the Cologne thing and it works, except that I tell her I did it on a dare because she was so pretty. I didn't mean to say those things, but I was melting. She was the prettiest girl I've ever talked with.

After saying good-bye, I lingering fear made me feel like crying - yeah, I was that scared - but I felt incredible. Hats off to Obama for being a great wing and pushing me hard.

Next, we hit up Urban Outfitters where I find two shirts. I flirt randomly over five or so minutes with the cute dressing room girl - can't remember what I said. Before I leave for the register, I say, "I have three questions for you before I leave: One) Which shirt do you like? The blue or the green."

"The blue, definitely."

"Good choice. Two) [Cologne routine]." It works perfectly.

"You're pretty chill. Let's hang out - maybe next Friday for this band I want to see. You know what question three is then." I hand her the pen and paper and get my second number.

We head to the cashier, who is wearing a Star Wars shirt. "Hey, Star Wars girl." I say random stuff to her, go romantic/sexual, but she says she can't give me her number - store policy. She asks if I want my receipt e-mailed to me. Obama tells her she should e-mail me her number. I run with that idea and tell her she can be super sneaky about it. She says she'll maybe take me up on that.

P.S. I checked my e-mail later. No number. =\

Driving back, we hit Trader Joe's. I ask a cute sales rep where the Soy yogurt is. I pick up the stuff, then go to ask her for Almond Milk only to see Obama laughing with her and doing shots of pink lemonade. I want to do shots of pink lemonade and laugh too, I think to myself, so I go over. Somehow, I didn't think, Oh, Obama is in a set. Duhh.

Anyhow, I number close the girl after telling her about the band on Friday, even though she says she has a boyfriend. So, I owe Obama a good set for stealing his.

  • Obama and I spent the whole day practicing Vocal Projection. When you do it, you'll feel like you're being awkwardly loud. It doesn't sound that way to other people though. I sounds clear and confident.

  • Obama and I passed up tons of sets at the mall due to AA. TONS. And most of those sets were groups of girls, which is so intimidating at the mall.

  • So, my current sticking points are:

    1. Approaching groups at the mall.
    2. Learning more routines.
    3. Just getting my ass out there.