I was very much hoping to make vast improvements from last night, but I ended up being a fucking pussy again.

I walk into the bar at about 11:30. I'm feelin a little bit of anxiety, but I still make my approaches. I realize that my No-Openers were again lame as fuck. I wasn't projecting my voice strong enough or loud enough. Each time it sounded like I was seeking validation or as if I was afraid of rejection... Oh boy, only the millionth girl to reject me and I still get butt hurt...

All night I was feeling resistance to Kino, and I believe that may be my current sticking point... I feel so much more relaxed doing day game or being in any other environment where sex and flirting isn't on everyone's mind... At this bar, it's really fast paced, and it feels to me as if, it's either REALLY on or it's just Off... Either you hook up with her, and the flirting and sexual tension is hot and on, or you're just another orbiter...

I managed to remember to use one thing from Magic Bullets. I played a game with this one girl I opened up, The I'm-Not-Going-To-Kiss you game. I told her, "Ok, we're gonna play a game. I'm going to get really close to your face, and we aren't going to kiss."

She said Okay and warned me not to kiss her, to which I replied, "Oh, you better not kiss me!"

We did it. Then I played it with her again in a minute. Then I played it with her a third time, and let the sexual tension build up. She didn't kiss me, and I started to doubt that she would, especially with her friend right there... So I just kissed her. But it was a short stupid kiss. This was towards the end of the night. Nothing really developed from that. It got dry and I eventually just walked away. I noticed also, that my momentum builds up to where I'm more comfortable touching people, by the end of the night, but that when I enter the bar I'm stiffled. Perhaps I should start being Social a lot more, as soon as I exit my apartment. Maybe that'll make me feel more comfortable being all touchy with people I don't know, more early on in the night.

I have issues also with talking to women at the bar, who are NOT drunk, or who are only having their first drink. I'm not sure where to take it, or if I should just make small talk and then leave... I could feel their stiffledness along with mine, and virtually no sexual tension at all. I was totally sober all night.

Whenever I saw a new couple that just met, making out like crazy, it always gets me anxious and jealous... As if I really want that, but also I am afraid or resistant of the intensity of getting that close to someone so quickly...

In mid-conversation with some of these really beautiful women, I would find myself drawing blanks in what I should do or how to escalate the moment or move it into a sexual one. As if the anxiety and sexual tension was getting to me. When this happened, I would tell myself, "fuck it. I can't think of outergame right now due to my own bullshit bullshit, so I'm just gonna enjoy whatever is in front of me, regardless of the outcome, even if they get bored and walk away."

I'm starting to realize, just how important body language, tonality, and not giving a fuck, is in having success...

I had thought, that I need to completely give up jerking off, so that I am so fucking horny, that I truly don't give a fuck, that I am so horny, I am willing to get out of my bullshit shell and start pulling the trigger or getting close and letting my natural sex drive to give me more motivation to touch...

My friend tells me that Kino, or going in to touch, is just like the approach... You just do it. Jump into the ocean...

I very much hope, to be more comfortable in my own skin next bar night, and to be touching A LOT, every set I'm in. Fuck this kindergarden coodie bullshit. wtf am I doing...