Went back out again tonight, Friday night... I was 100% sober tonight, all night. Went to the bar, approached a bunch of women using a variety of different openers.

I opened 2 women tonight. The rest of them gave me the "creepy guy" look.

Arrived to the bar, it was packed and bumpin. A lot of 10s rolled in tonight. The music is loud, some people are dancing, others are just talking and mingling.

I jump right into the dance scene, as this is one of the things I actually really know how to fit in at least.

I threw some value into this 1 group, and they were laughing with me. Perhaps they were actually in a better mood than I was.

I grabbed one cuteys hand and started dancing with her. Not much happened. Can't say it went anywhere, didn't escalate at all, didn't spark much attraction. The song ended, she told me, "Thank you for the dance" and gave me this weird formal business man hand shake...

The next girl I open up went something like this.

I approached her and tapped on her shoulder to get her attention. "Hey, so I saw you from across the bar, and you looked like you were havin a good time. I just wanted to say, you look really cool... and sexy."

She nodded, laughed a little, I think at me though, and kinda went back to ignoring me.

I asked her, "Would you like to Dance?" I know... it's horrible. I cringe as I type up this FR. She goes, "I like to just dance alone." I tried playing it off like we're just bullshitting... In fact, I think for a moment I completely ignored her answer and just started talking about something else... She got bored, turned away... And I did the same...

I tried to approach a bunch of other women in different ways... Didn't really get anyone to open up to me...

I swear, I don't know what's wrong with me... It seems like I've actually gotten worse in my game, like I've gone backwards.

I spoke to my friend who told me I was just being really outcome dependent, and that I think this stuff takes less time than it does...

After watching all the videos and everything online, they just make it seem like if u just approach and be honest that it's just "so easy!"

It may be easy to a pro, but to a chode, it's quite the opposite.

My friend also called me out on all my narcissism, to which I replied, "Okay, you're right. I fucking suck. I don't know what I'm doing, I can't get laid when I want to and everything I've been studying and doing has only made me get laid like a regular person at least. That I still fucking suck, I still get massive AA. I've only pulled a girl out of a bar like only 4 times in the last 2 years. I don't even get numbers anymore... Tonight, I couldn't hold a conversation with anyone lasting over 15 seconds. Sad how I've spent 2 years of my life just trying to get laid, only to finally have as much sex as a normal dude, but which still is nothing... I'm still at ground 0.

My only skills consist of being some dancing monkey where I just dance around, pumping my ow state, hoping some girl notices and decides she wants me...

I can't talk to a girl without getting in my head about everything I've been studying, I talk way too fast, choke on my words, sometimes I can't speak at all... Sometimes I'll be talking to a girl, and I'm so outcome dependent, so reaction seeking that I just sorta stand there like a fucking idiot looking at her not saying a word, just hoping for her to do something or say something nice because my mind is blank, because all my mind can think about is, "I want this one. How do I keep her interested?"

Maybe I have to wait another year while going out and looking like a fucking idiot, just giving my dignity away to anyone who wants to step on it. Maybe another 5 years... Who knows? For some dudes, it's a month, others a week, others years... Sometimes, like tonight, I get so pissed off because I don't see any progress... In fact on nights like tonight, I feel like I've gone backwards. Nothing is working... I feel like I've just unlearned everything or something.

I fucking suck... I don't know how my friends think I get laid all the time.

It's great that I have a nice paying job, and good looks, a big dick, muscles, tattoos, and all the other awesome things to peacock... But it only takes you so far, that in reality I've come to understand that when it comes to picking up chicks, none of that shit matters... My good looks, have brought me almost no where in the 28 years I've been alive.

I feel so defeated with how much work I've had to put in, and how I'm still just a fucking chode... Except now I get laid more than once every 1-2 years... Now it's maybe like 3-5 girls a year... yay...

Sticking Points:

  • Horrible AA

  • Talk too fast

  • have nothing to say

Things I did well:

  • I went out...

  • I approached some people...

  • I received even more compelling evidence of "I fucking suck"

  • I didn't get high before going out like I usually did...

Things I did poorly:

  • Let the outcome of the night get to me

  • Couldn't talk to people for more than 15 seconds

  • Talked too fast

  • Looked like an idiot