My buddy and I (let's call him Shanghai), both 22, had been staying in a hostel in NYC for the weekend and we decided to go out on our last night there.

Back story

We head to a bar with some other hostellers, drink up. Shanghai decides he wants to go to some trendy club in the meatpacking district he'd been to last time he was in town- Hotel Gansevoort Rooftop. I wasn't really feeling it but one other hostel-goer was keen so we cabbed it.

We arrive and wait in line for about an hour and I am just not feeling it. We get up to the front and the bouncer tells us we either need to get a bottle (yeah, right) or find two girls to get the three of us in. So I hold our place in line while Shanghai and the other dude from the hostel go through the line looking for women- they come back a few minutes later with what I think may have been two prostitutes. The bouncer then tells us that the ratio inside's changed and so only two guys are getting in. I volunteer immediately to stay behind since I was in a bad mood from the situation (alcohol + bored in line + paying with women for entry). Shanghai is a little reluctant but I assure him it's cool, and the four of them head inside. This was the exact moment I decided I wanted to have fun.

Fun Begins

I turn around and spot a mixed group of eight in their late 30's-40's (half MILFs have well dressed dudes that I assumed were lawyers because I assume all well dressed people are lawyers when I'm drinking). I open them and talk about how we have a plenty of women in the line-up and might as well just party outside. They laugh and we talk about the place. One of the guys in the group was clearly incredibly intoxicated (swaying where he stood, slurry speech) and making some of the girls in the group uncomfortable (they were repositioning themselves away from him).

"You've got an interesting friend there..." I say to one of the women. Turns out they didn't know him so I poke fun at him.

"What's your name bud?"

"Tom", he replies.

"Tom? Tom have you been drinking? Listen Tom, I'm going to ask you to leave this women alone."

Making fun of the inebriated isn't the nicest thing to do but it got the group laughing and my energy up. The bouncer comes back and tells the group of seven that they can head in. One of the guys in the group tells the bouncer I'm with them so I'm in. I'm feeling good as we take the elevator up. It's 1am and the place is packed- 8s and 9s everywhere, men suits, and tables with bottles scattered throughout. I try to find Shanghai so I make my way throughout the place but see him nowhere. I step out onto the smoking patio, the only part of the bar you could actually hear anyone, and see a set of three beautiful women and one well dressed dude just asking to be opened.

"Who are all of you people? I know it's not a perfect opener. It's a little rude and abrasive but so am I and it's worked well before (either that or I am just incredibly lucky).

One of the women- a solid nine, dark brunette with just enough eye shadow turns to me and starts asking a lot of questions- but not in a GTFO way, but a playful speed dating way. "Who are you? Do you know Richard? Where are you from?"

"Woah, slow down there. Alright, you get one question but you have to answer mine first." She nods.

"What do you do?", I ask.

"I'm a lawyer-" we get interrupted by one of the other women- "Richard's going to get jealous of your new friend.."

I turn to the man in the group who I presume is Richard, "Richard?" I extend my hand and give him a firm handshake. "GeneriqPUA. You're not getting jealous, are you Richard?" He scoffs a no. I ask him if he's a lawyer too, and he scoffs no again. I turn back to the brunette.

"So where'd you go to school?", I ask. Turns out it was fairly close to where I currently go.

"What class?", I ask.

"2011" We talk a bit more briefly but then she gets really focused on my age.

"Why do you want to know so bad?" I ask but she persists. Finally I cave and tell her. Test failed.

She dismisses me: "listen, you're really cute sweetie but you're way too young for this- you should go" She might've said "for me / for us" instead of "for this", can't recall.

I get frustrated, but smile and tell her I'm off to go find my friend. I head to a corner of the patio and try to look for a wifi signal (friend was using a foreign phone and I didn't want to use data). No luck so I open a jollying looking man by himself. Turns out he was from Dubai and staying at the hotel. I tell him my situation and he tells me to come back with him to his table, where he takes my phone and puts in the hotels wifi password. Talk to everyone motherfucker. I thank Dubai and use wifi to message and meetup with Shanghai at the bar (turns out he had went back outside with girls to try to find me). The guy from the hostel we arrived with was nowhere to be found. We grab drinks and then split up again lol. I wander around a bit and open a few mixed groups but nothing seriously (none of them had women I would interested in).

It's some time between 2 and 3 as I'm making rounds of the place- I wanted to take an another shot at the Dark Brunette Lawyer so I head back towards the patio (although I'm pretty sure her group had gone). On the way I get stopped by Dubai and he motions for me to take a picture with his lady friend at his table. I happily oblige. He then pours a glass of vodka from his table... and then hands me the rest of the bottle (about 1/3 of the way full)!

I find Shanghai, pour a shot or two for us, then head to the tables and traded a guy a shot for some cranberry juice (dear god I hate shots). Overall I hadn't done that much but was still feeling like a boss so I headed back to the patio to share the awesome that is me. Outside I spot a pair of blonds (8 and 9) and decided to use the apocalypse opener I had read about earlier that day. It started as advertised.

Me: "Hey"

Blonde 8: "Hey"

Me: "Do you two got plans after?"

Blonde 9: "Oh, I don't know yet"

Me: "How'd you like to have a threesome with me?"

I shine my rogueish smile and shift eye contact from one to the other (no idea what I was supposed to do there), and waited for a response. They look at each other and start giggling. The vodka began to take it's toll so I don't remember how the conversation went from there but it was overall positive ("I love this guy! Who does that?"). They were from Sweden (and I think Blonde 8 was only 19 but didn't really speak English) and Blonde 9 had a boyfriend (to which I responded, "Oh cool I don't mind"), but she seemed to be trying to set me up with Blond 8. I continued talking to them for awhile and then the place closed. Because alcohol I forgot to kino (good job generiqPUA), or # close- although that didn't really matter since I was leaving the next day.

I talked to the blondes in the elevator down to the lobby and as they got into a cab with someone they seemed to know. And then I pulled a stupid and just got into the front seat of there cab when this big dude who was standing outside who seemed to know them and told me I should go. So I left, found Shanghai and went home.

TL;DR: talk to more people. drink less. remember to kino and close