I got my first number today. I don't really plan on following up on it, but I feel good just knowing I did, and with it came a revelation.

So today I was planning on visiting this girl who I've had a crush on for 3 years and just recently reconnected with. I probably could have gotten her when we met 3 years ago, but I was just an AFC at that point (and still might be. Who knows?). We'd been talking back and forth for about a week now (I had a 6 hour Facebook conversation with her at one point, which probably violates some rule somewhere, but I didn't really care), and I was getting really into her. It's been about 4 years since I truly was interested in any girl more than just sexually, so I was sort of overwhelmed with it.

Anyway, we had planned to meet all day today at her apartment at school. I drove 2 hours to my family's house, which is right by her school, for the sole reason of seeing her. The whole time I was telling myself, "Man, Seddit would yell at me for this", but I wasn't really thinking straight. Anyway, here comes this morning. I wake up to a text telling me "Sorry CShips, but I'm feeling really sick and I think I just need to rest today".

Now, to her credit, this may very well be true. She's a pretty intelligent girl, and I can't imagine her making something up just to flake, but you can never really know. Anyway, that's not important. What is important is what happened internally. I felt really depressed for maybe a minute.

Then I realized something. At the point of rejection, everything becomes so simple. It's no longer you wondering if it's just going to end badly or whether you're going to fuck it up. It is absolute. There is literally one path for you to take. You should revel in rejection; frolic in its simplicity. When you hear someone refer to this whole song and dance as "the Game", they quite literally mean it's a game, and rejection is like you failing the level. You just start over again and learn from your failures.

Still reeling from this internal development, I decided to walk around town. I had seen some THON-ers from Penn State, so I figured I'd talk to them. The first two girls I encounter are pretty passionate about it, and I don't really game them much. I just talk to them about THON and what it's like. Eventually I promise them I'll go grab some money and donate (I was feeling charitable) and start walking to the bank. At this point, I run into another pair of THONs, a guy and a girl. The girl smiles at me as I walk up, so I walk up to them and start talking about THON, referencing the other couple I met. Just normal conversation stuff. I tel them I'm going to get money to donate, and that I'll split it between them and the other group as long as they promise not to tell.

Walk into the bank, get the money, walk back to the second pair. Another guy and girl have joined them, so I walk up and hold the money in the air. I ask them if I get some sort of thank you note for donating (SO MUCH STUFF I COULD HAVE DONE WITH THIS! But I was too nervous to hit on the girl in the group with the guys there. I'll have to work on that). We joke about it for a bit, I neg one of the girls about laughing at my request for a formal thank you note, and eventually one of them says they'll text me a thank you once they get done their shift. As I walk away, I wonder why I didn't ask for their number instead, and I realize that, holy shit, there's those other two girls I promised I'd donate to.

So I head back to them, tell them that the other group was going to text me a thank you, and ask them what they're going to do to earn my donation. One of them offered to match the other group, but she said she couldn't take her phone out, and told me that I could tell her my number and she'd remember it. I thought, "Fuck that!" and told her that she could give me her number and I'd text her after her shift was done. Got the digits. Wasn't as smooth as possible, but for a first time, I was proud of myself.

Also the revelation was amazingly freeing. Thank you Seddit. You guys are amazing.