So I recently got oneitis.

Now I'll preface this with the usual/obligatory "I'm not really a PUA, just some guy who's looking to BLAH BLAH" WHATEVER YOU GET IT.

This is basically my experience/advice with oneitis, partly for those who have it and want to get over it, and partly for those who don't get it who really should know what it feels like before they give advice on it (I was one of those guys before this experience).

So I've been single for about four years out of highschool, not because I couldn't get a girlfriend if I wanted to, but I just never felt any strong emotional attraction to any girls. I've slept with about 5 different women over that time, which I suppose is around the average amount most guys go through if they're not actively practicing game. Recently though, I got back from a co-op in the backass town of Dumont, NJ, AKA the place where nobody my age will ever be. Ever. It was at that time that I discovered Seddit, went outside, tried to be social, etc.

However, upon coming back, one of my female friends who I had known for a while started messaging me, showing CLEAR interest ("I miss you :(" or the like every week). It wasn't a big deal to me, I'm used to women doing shit like that because I'm one picky motherfucker and basically friendzone a shitton of girls (ITT CitizenShips bragging instead of getting to the fucking point. I'm working on it. It's all about pacing, guys.).

So it ends up that we start sleeping together.

Out of fucking nowhere I get slammed with a truck full of emotions. When I wasn't around her, it was like a blanket of depression and noise fell upon my brain, and it fucking sucked. It was awful. I couldn't do work, I couldn't sleep. It felt like I was essentially drowning in my own mind. Then one day she asks me the question: "Is it okay if I sleep with other people?". Even worse was I knew the guy she was going to do it with. My mind would wander to imagining them together and I would just fall into despair.

Basically I had oneitis for a girl who didn't want me back.

Now I wasn't unaware of this. The logical part of my brain was screaming at me to stop this bullshit and get back to my schoolwork and generally being one suave and confident motherfucker. But when you get oneitis, logic no longer controls your mind. You become subject to your emotions, and no matter how pissed at your own mind you get, and no matter how much reason you throw at the problem, you will not get over it.

However, I found there were a few things that really helped take off the hurt and get my mind off of it.

  • I started hitting the gym and playing racquetball. When I was on the court, I wouldn't think about anything except the ball, and it was great. Feeling the burn from lifting is a great reward as well.
  • I started dressing better, got a haircut, rethought my look. When you look good, you feel more confident. When you feel confident and look good, women take notice. Walking around campus looking my best and seeing women stare at me as I walked by was empowering beyond belief, and it really helps in regaining your independence.
  • I got my first number close. Seriously guys, if you're talking to a woman, and she seems even remotely fun, get her number. This is the big one. The instant I got that girl's number, it was like oneitis girl didn't exist. This was the turning point for me. I no longer give a shit about what goes on with oneitis girl. I am outcome independent.
  • Also, if you have ADD, take your meds. If you don't, your mind will explode. That "brain noise" you get when you have a lot of distractions turns into depression instead.

I have no idea if I'm over oneitis for good. I don't know how it works. But I figured throwing out these little tidbits while they were still fresh in my mind could help out some other guy going through the same infuriating challenge as I was.