So a little background first: 17 years old, in highschool.

My first ever approach was actually one that occurred in school. It was at the end of day - everyone was heading home. I noticed a cute girl standing with a single male friend. They weren't talking too much.

So I make my first ever, raw approach.

The opener was probably mediocre at best. It was only the three of us in the exit way (which is the room between nature and the actual school). I say something along the lines of "So there's no one to talk to right now. I'm going to talk to you two."

I entertain both of them with various conversation and eventually the guy had to go. During the three way convo I made sure they were just friends. Throughout it, I feel I had them engaged and interested - laughs, etc.

So after he left is when I was really able to go after the girl. I lead us over to a space between two doorways. It was fun. This was actually a really good interaction, although I don't have a ton of experience - at this point, I basically had her giddy. She was laughing a ton. Covering her mouth, giggling, half-way in hysterics. It was honestly a really good moment for me, and I kind of owe it all to you guys. I had one of those really nice emotional highs when I got home later - I got her number, of course.

It was nice. However, there's some things I should tell you before I go on. Growing up, my parents divorced after my father held my mom at gun point one night. I don't know why he did, he's a great man and I love him now, but I still remember that night. After, we (my mom and siblings) moved to a completely different state. I didn't see him for several more years - though I visit him regularly now and he's honestly one of the best dads I could ask for. That's one of the great mysteries in my life... how could he have done that?

In the new school, I wasn't very well liked. I was chubby. Fat. Nobody likes the fat kid. This caused further damage to my self esteem. I didn't like this at all - and there's a lot more emotion behind this stage of my life than what I can convey, but I eventually managed to destroy around exactly 70 lbs of fat with the help of /r/fitness and /r/loseit. Love those guys. The also got me into weight lifting - couldn't live with out it, haha.

I'd say these two things are the major life defining aspects I have. They kind of shaped me. They caused low self esteem. In other interactions I've had between the first and the date I just had, I have been told I'm hot or attractive - but I honestly can't look in the mirror and say that I'm any better than average every time. It's still something I have to recover from. Outside of attraction, through weightlifting and weight loss, my esteem is probably at an all time high, naturally.

Anyway, back to this first interaction. As I was getting her number, it was suggested that we hang out by one of us. It was decided over text, later on, that we would.

I actually flaked on this girl twice before I actually went through with it.

And today was the day that I did. Originally, we had plans for an ice cream parlor.

I decided I didn't want to spend money... I know, I'm cheap, but honestly, I'm not too good at driving right now and this parlor was far away. As of right now, I haven't spent a cent, besides gas money, on this girl. After I picked her up, I changed my mind and said "Hey, you know what, forget ice cream, we're going to Wal-Mart!"

And I kid you not, I convinced her to be ok with it. First I said that we're just going to raid the samples section. After we went to the samples and were disappointed, I said "Ok, we're going to play a little game... let's split up and we're going to find some things that we think embody each other."

She denied it! Hah, she actually said she was afraid I'd ditch her. I'm lucky, though - what actually ended up occurring was way better. We literally spent about 2 hours walking around Wal-Mart comparing items to each other and such.

It literally went insanely good. I was able to keep things extremely sexual ("Hey, see that tent? Know what we should do in it?"), very easy teasing (bad example but it made her laugh: "That raw steak reminds me of you.") It was literally so easy to be dominant and just lead her around aisles.

Also, the touching. I literally had my hands on her from the beginning. Hand around shoulder to guide her, on lower hip to guide her, etc. My hands AND body were literally all over her - pressing up against her on many different occasions. We easily ended up holding hands and such of course. Seeing as how this was literally the first time I'd ever had so much contact, I was rocking a semi for a lot of the time. Jeans disguised it. Then again, there was tons of sexual content flowing out from the both of us. Talks about condoms, baby making, hoola hoops and hip swinging were galore.

After a while, we were getting tired of walking and horsing around Wal-Mart. So we sat on a bench. She was hanging off of me at this point. I tried to do a sort of roleplay with her... Went great.

The actual roleplay was really bad. But, I kept on leading the two of us into situations where a kiss would be perfect. But I'd change it right before we kissed. I chickened out twice. And then I did it. I kissed a girl for the first time ever. In Wal-Mart.

It wasn't magical... I didn't know what I was doing, really... At this point, she basically had herself wrapped around me on a little bench in a corner of Wal-Mart. It wasn't very long. My lips were partly dry, I think, but I made sure to moisten them a bit. I had gum, so that was good. It didn't make things awkward and was pretty cool. I used a line I had read on here: "I'd rate that kiss a 2/10." She thought it was hilarious, haha. "Well I didn't know what you were doing! Hahahah!" To be fair, I had her close her eyes, haha.

So there you have it. First ever field report on my first ever date featuring my first ever kiss. I'm really happy for that and I appreciate the help this sub has given me. Honestly, I feel like I'm very good with girls, even with my esteem problems. I am able to just say whatever comes to my mind and ngaf easily, but this was still a huge accomplishment for me.

And I feel unfulfilled. After the kiss and a bit of dialogue, my mood noticeably lowered. Somehow, I felt really, ridiculously insecure. I suddenly felt like someone had whispered in my ear, "What are you doing? You can't do that. You're not good enough to do things like this." I made sure she still had fun and I know she still enjoyed herself, at least.

And I don't know what to do. I don't feel attracted to her at all at this point. What's wrong with me, guys? There's gotta be something to all of this. Is it me?

On the ride home, I know she noticed I wasn't very enthusiastic anymore. From 100 to -100. She kind of asked me how I was feeling/whatever. I kind of hinted at being just friends. This is another thing - I feel like a wimp for not expressing my unattraction to her at this point.

And now I don't know what to do. She was a very avid texter. I fear that I may have to disappoint her and she may feel like I was leading her on.

So there you have it, guys. The good and bad. I hope this was good enough for you and I want some help with my problem and some review over the date.

Thanks for everything.