Preamble

I am struggling. I feel like all the pieces are there. I just need to put them together. Maybe there's one thing missing. I hope that through this post, the kind and generous members of this subreddit will be able to help me identify and fix the issues that have been plaguing me since returning to the game. Furthermore, I am hoping to identify a strategy by which I can successfully transition from the incel I am now to the master of seduction that I know I can be, hopefully within the next few weeks (as I actually have time to work on it right now). Thank you, everyone, for your help. I honestly appreciate it.

Background

I am a late 20s PhD student. I recently returned to university after leaving my job because I wanted to do something exciting and interesting with my life and I wasn’t ready to settle down and lead the boring life many of my coworkers were leading. For those who follow these things, I am an ESTP, turbulent variant, with a Type 7 personality and I am also an sx/sp/so.

Since coming to the university, I immediately made it my mission to get to know as many people as possible and get involved in as many things as I can. I am now a member of the Nerd/Geek club, the Board Game club, the Yoga club and the Ballroom Dance club. I am relatively well known considering the size of the university and frequently run into people from different departments and faculties that I have met throughout my days here.

The following is a series of field reports that describe some of the interactions I have had which have all lead nowhere worthwhile.

Field Report 1 – Oktoberfest Pub Night

I promised a friend that I would take him out for the Oktoberfest pub night on campus and try to teach him how to talk to girls. I get in and immediately get in line for beer. I then start talking to the guy in front of me in line. My friend shows up and after we all get a beer, the guy invites us to sit down with his friends. I get there and introduce myself to everyone including this really hot Brazilian girl, whom I immediately sit next to. We all start talking about Oktoberfest and eventually this leads into a conversation about my travel and masters research experiences. The Brazilian girl is generally interested in what I am talking about. Every time I try to direct the conversation to someone else in the group she pulls me back in by asking me a question. She ends up telling me about a coffee shop she knows that is supposedly amazing. I tell her I’ll have to check it out some time. Completely missed the hint here didn’t I. At some point I get her number as well as the number of the guy I was talking to who is trying pretty hard to stay in the conversation. Eventually, while I’m talking to her cute friend across the table the Brazilian girl puts her hand on my shoulder and excuses herself to the bathroom. I slide over a bit. At this point I’m sitting next to this stunningly beautiful girl and this guy she’s with who is sitting next to her. I raise my cup to them and introduce myself to the guy first, then the girl. We talk for a bit. I can’t remember how I did it but I ended up asking if he was her boyfriend. They are shocked and reply no. They are just very good friends. We all have a good laugh about it. At some point during the conversation, the girl says she’s normally very shy and quiet and she’s not this outgoing. I tell her I think it’s cute. She is completely stunned. She keeps saying “I can’t believe this is happening”, “Why would you like me? There are so many cute girls here. Why are you talking to me?” She quickly downs her beer (second one of the night which is a lot for a small girl) and before long she’s leaning on me, has her arm around me and is holding on to my hands pretty tightly. The other girl whose number I got saw everything and her group ended up just leaving. I was also getting some pretty nasty looks from the two or three other people across the table. After I realize she’s getting pretty wasted (I only had the one beer the whole night), I start telling her to get something to eat. She keeps agreeing but never actually goes. Eventually I take her there myself. As we’re standing in line to buy something she wraps her arms around me and buries her head into my chest. Before long I realize she’s crying. I ask her what’s wrong and she just shakes her head, holding me even tighter. That’s when it clicks. “You’ve never had a boyfriend, have you?” She nods. Now it all makes sense. She keeps going back to the whole “why am I talking to her” thing and I flat out tell her it’s because I like her. We get food and head back to the table. She excuses herself to go to the bathroom, leaving her phone and wallet with me and not her friend. When she gets back she sits there stunned and then starts crying into my shoulder. I console her, get her number and then call her friend over to take her home. My friend and I open a few more sets that night but nothing big. This girl ends up blowing up my phone that night with over 20 consecutive messages about how she misses me. The next day we talk about it. She’s completely freaking out and decides not to see me again because “it’s not going to work”. Realizing how crazy she is, I next her. As for the other girl, I text her about the coffee shop but she ignores me.

Field Report 2 - Social networking lunch for new PhD students

I decided to attend a social networking lunch for new PhD students. As soon as I get there, I end up sitting down at a table for my faculty and to my surprise, the guy sitting next to me is the same guy from the bar at Oktoberfest. We chat for a bit but it’s not going anywhere. I end up talking with this other guy who sits next to me and the three of us have a conversation about PhDs. After a while the new guy and I decide to move to another table to get a better view and I make sure to sit next to this girl. I introduce myself and she compliments me on my firm handshake. She’s the very talkative type so we just end up in a conversation about the city, university and travel, including our experiences living overseas. She talks about traveling somewhere but not being comfortable going alone. I then ask her about taking a friend or a boyfriend. She then admits to being separated and goes into a long talk about how it just didn’t work out, etc…. In the middle of this, someone taps me on the shoulder and I look over to see this HB3 standing there that I know from the dance classes I’m taking. She’s surprised to see me there and honestly seems a little nervous. I say hi and we talk a bit. She asks me if I’ll be in class that day. I tell her yes. I’ll see her there. Our conversation ends. It’s all very friendly. The girl I’m sitting next to invites me to go get some tea at the refreshment table and I accept. As she’s getting her tea, I end up talking to this cute girl who made some strong eye contact with me. It was very much a short random conversation about the food and drink. Nothing special. Within no more than a minute, someone taps me on the shoulder and I look over to see this HB8 from my yoga class. Honestly, I’m struggling to remember which yoga girl this is and I end up guessing wrong. She and I ended up being partnered up in an acrobatic yoga class together along with some other guy who I assumed was her boyfriend just based on the way they seemed to talk after the class. She asks me about how I like the class and I give her my honest answer, “I think it’s an amazing, fun activity…. For couples…… As a single guy, I honestly don’t really feel like it’s for me”. What was really interesting is that she flinched and I noticed posture straighten and her eyes widen slightly when I said single guy. We talk for a bit and she’s smiling a little more than before but before long that basically disappears and it becomes a purely friendly conversation. She asks me if I’ll be in class next week and I tell her I’ll think about it. We exchange numbers and by this point the place is basically empty. The girl I was sitting with was long gone, not that I was interested I her anyway (she did number close me though). We head out, she gets her bike and we go our separate ways.

Field Report 3 – Random Dance Club Girl

I was on my way back to my lab from a late lunch and as I’m walking up some stairs I hear a girl say “Hey! How are you?” I look over to see this girl standing there. I immediately recognize her as someone from my dance class…… but something’s not right. Which girl is this? I haven’t seen her in a while. Between the two classes I go to and the random girls that sometimes show up to different classes I can seriously think of two girls who this could be. One of which is the best friend of the club president. Since I don’t want to be on the president’s bad side I decide to play it neutral. She asks me why she doesn’t see me in class and it turns out that she’s going to a different class from the one I like to go to. I make a joke about how we’ll never get a chance to dance together and she laughs. I do say that I might end up in that class next week just because of some scheduling. It goes silent and I can see her staring at me, almost expectantly. I smile, nod and tell her I’ll see her later. We then go our separate ways. I have seen her once in a class since then.

Field Report 4 – Nerdy Board Game Girl

I’m in the bookstore on campus and decide to wander over to the board game section. I immediately see this HB5 that I met during a Nerd Club Event where we did a bunch of role playing. She glances at me and looks away. I say hi to her and she immediately jumps up and says, as fast as you can imagine someone could possibly speak, “Hi! How are you doing?”, followed by a nervous laugh. I have no interest in this girl whatsoever but I always enjoy a good conversation so we end up talking about board games and I tell her about what games she should play. She tells me she loves board games but just needs someone to play them with. I notice the subtle invite here but ignore it as, again, I’m not really interested in her. Eventually I excuse myself and we go our separate ways.

Field Report 5 – Girl From Class with amazing legs but not so amazing face

We just had a midterm and as I’m leaving I see this girl from the class walk by. She has an amazing figure but that face……. To be fair, I’ve done worse but at this point I’m not sure if this is someone I want to pursue. A bit of quick background: I am well known in this class and frequently have people talking to me or whom I am talking to before and after class. I would say about a quarter of the class talks to me. (This includes a really hot PhD student who is actually a good friend of mine but also happens to be in a serious long distance relationship). Anyway, this girl walks by and I ask her about the midterm. She is a little startled that I’m talking to her but we talk a bit. After a minute the conversation goes silent and she basically has her eyes locked on me waiting for me to continue the conversation. I tell her I’ll see her in class and walk off. Ever since then, she’s said hi to me every time we pass by each other. I even catch her looking my way sometimes in the hallway after class. A week or so later I talk to her a bit about an assignment we had but she doesn’t seem as interested or enthusiastic about holding a conversation. That’s fine. I had thought about asking her out but only if she was actually showing some interest. Nothing worth pursuing there.

Field Report 6 – Hiking trip

I went on a hiking trip with a bunch of graduate students organized by the university. While there, I opened a cute, albeit not very bright, girl. She and I talk a bit and I can see her eyes darting from mine to my lips or chest or something. I get her number and we decide to go on a coffee date sometime. First, we decide to go hiking together down a different path because the hike we were doing is too easy. We talk a lot and I realize that we have very different views and opinions on different subjects. She is particularly unhappy that I do not follow the same political views she does and that I am not an atheist. Either way, towards the end, I’m pretty tired and not showing much enthusiasm for the hike or leading during the one point where we got lost. Honestly, I was acting Beta at this point. We end up at the bus and barely even say goodbye. I later sent her the few pictures she asked me to take during the hike and she thanked me for it. No date was pursued.

TLDR; 6 Field Reports are posted here. What should I be doing to have better success out there?