Initial Contact

While browsing OKC, a girl caught my eye. She mentioned liking Quentin Tarantino movies, so I asked her if she'd seen Django Unchained yet. Third message, I sent something about concerts I was planning on going to soon and invited her, because she also mentioned live music. She heartily agreed and I got her number and name. Total messages exchanged: 12 Lesson: When browsing OKC, actually read the goddamn profile. Send them something relevant, not just some copy and paste "hey you look cool" bullshit. Get the number fast. OKC messages are no way to communicate.

Texting

I got the number on a Sunday night. We texted for maybe 15 minutes. Simple get to know each other stuff, which I kept light and playful. I ended the conversation on my own terms -- had to get to bed early for work. Didn't text again until Friday at lunch to confirm the date. My message: Hope you're ready for pretty the most fun first date ever. Settled out some logistics and details, then stopped the conversation. Texted Saturday evening as I was on my way just to be sure. Lesson: Text game should be kept short and to the point. Start getting into pointless chit chat and you're gonna be in the friendzone faster than you can say "blue balls".

First Meeting

I arrived first, and when she came, I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Then immediately started talking about what a fantastic mood I was in. Lesson: Set a sexual frame from the start. Be warm and inviting. Be upbeat and fun. Nobody likes a sad sack that's anxious. I was hungry, so I walked us to Taco Bell. We shared basic facts about ourselves and connected over work -- we're both teachers.

First Venue

We were in my favorite place in Seoul, which I know like the back of my hand. I know all kinds of different spots. To start off the night with a couple chill drinks and conversation, I took her to a music bar that played requests. When we were seated, I told her to change seats. I'm practically deaf in one ear, so I prefer people to be on my left. Also, it made her sit next to me instead of across the table. No girl has ever questioned this. I've got a disability, but I make it work for me. Across the table is rookie. Beside each other is ideal. Just do it. It's not as weird it can seem.

I suggested buying the first round and then trading from there on out. Builds a "we" feeling. Immediately, started to play the Question Game. Some of my favorite questions to ask a girl are: Something you've never done everyone else has? Something you like/hate everyone else hates/likes? Something you think is attractive/unattractive most people think is unattractive/attractive? They're great for getting to know each other. Her best question was: If you could change one thing in your past, what would it be? I answered about my house burning down in middle school. Being vulnerable can be a good thing. It formed an emotional connection between us. Honestly, I surprised myself, but already felt really comfortable with her, so I didn't have a problem opening up that much. Kino-wise, nothing special. High-fives, pinky swears, a little knee touching under the table. Lesson: When getting to know each other, try to avoid the boring interview questions we've all answered a million times. Think of questions you want people to ask you. Questions that have interesting answers or stories behind them. Ask people those questions.

Second venue

On the way to the second place, she slipped her arm in mine, which was a huge IOI, and a green light for me to step it up on the kino. The bar with the concert was empty -- headliners were sound checking when we came in -- so we bounced to another quiet place with cheap drinks just around the corner. The bar owner recognized me when we walked in -- DHV. She asked to see my t-shirt I was wearing under my button up. It's a fantastic design. I also got a compliment on my watch. Lesson: Find places to become a regular. Know the bar staff/owner. Also, peacocking doesn't mean wearing outlandish, garish clothes. Just a little something to stick out. If you've ever received a compliment on an article of clothing, it means it sticks out enough people want to say something. Wear that to impress a first date.

We sat next to each other on a couch in a corner. Legs rubbing up on each other. Hand holding. Leg stroking. Arm around the back to look at something closely together. As we left, the owner told me about some event he was going to have for V-day, and I got to show off my Korean skills -- another DHV. As we rode the elevator, I said:

Me: There's something I want to do.

Her: Yeah?

And immediately K-closed in the elevator. Very short make out session. Perhaps just five seconds, then I pulled away as the doors opened. Lesson: K-close early in the night. It makes escalating a lot easier once you've gotten it out of the way.

Third Venue

On the way to the bar, she tells me she has to leave at 11:30 PM to catch the last train home. This was a big hurdle for me. I tell her that the band she came to see wouldn't even be on until then, so it'd be a waste to come all that way and not see them. She was on the fence, so I knew it was my job to push her off the fence. RSD Tyler's got a fantastic video about it. Look it up.

When we got to the bar, it was pretty full. The first band was already playing. We got down to the dance floor and started dancing. I ran into an old friend, an HB 8 who is a super fun girl. Didn't surprise me at all she'd be at that concert. I introduced my date and we chatted a bit. Second band came on and they were fucking awful, so we just made fun of them a lot. Throughout all of this are little makeout sessions right in the middle of the crowd. Escalating by kissing, sucking and biting her neck and ears. I could tell it was getting her super hot. She initiated pretty much all the makeouts all night. As the deadline approached, I kept the sexual tension high. She eventually decided that she would stay out all night with me and catch the train in the morning. Pushed her off the fence.

The headliners came on and they were fantastic. We talked to the people around us. We danced like crazy. Made out. Had an absolute blast. #-closed my HB 8 friend and left. Lesson: Fuck dinner dates. That's boring shit. Goddamn awful. Go do something fun. Live music is amazing for this. Even if it's just a shitty open mic.

Fourth Venue

I take her to my favorite spot in Seoul. On the way, I see a guy I randomly met on the street several months before. I remember him specifically because he was dressed super sharp and I liked his jacket. I went over and we had a quick conversation, then went on our way. Lesson: Be social. Recognize someone from a year and a half ago? Go fucking say hi.

The fourth bar was packed. Live DJs were spinning great original mixes as usual. We got in and I recognize a German girl I met the week before, so I stop and have a real short conversation then eject. After that immediately start heavy makeouts. Groping. Grinding. Etc... She's tugging at my shirt collar like she wants to take it off. I figure this is a huge signal.

Me: Let's get out of here.

Her: I'm not going to a love motel with you.

Me: What makes you think I'm that easy? You're the one coming up with all these naughty ideas!

Her: Yeah, I'm sure that's not what you meant by "Let's get out of here."

Me: We can go see a movie.

Her: Okay! Let's go!

Here in Korea, there are DVD "rooms" you can rent out. They're pretty much thinly veiled places to have sex with your date. The girl resisted the idea of a love motel, but she never said no sex. I thought it was just a matter of putting it in nicer terms. We chose Hedwig and the Angry Inch. Fantastic movie. We cuddle up on the big couch. Makeouts all throughout the movie, but she never allowed more than a little under the shirt groping. Anything further was met with enough resistance to let me know we wouldn't be going further. Whenever we weren't making out, we were cuddling in each other's arms with her head on my chest. She'd do cute little stuff like kiss my hands, too. Really formed an emotional connection. Lesson: Sometimes "no" means "not here" or "not right now". Sometimes "no" really means "no". Don't let it scare you off a girl. Scale escalation back to a comfortable level, then try again later. However, girls have their limits and you have to respect them.

Food, Coffee, Subway

At this point it was about 3:45 AM, so we decided to get some food. Sat next to each other. Continued the Question Game. Talked about movies, music, books, etc... We're real compatible. Light kino. A little polite little kisses. Got coffee. Told funny stories about getting into drunk shenanigans. Even talked about some of the taboo first date subjects like exes and past hook-ups. Always in a light, playful way. Never anything super serial. Headed to the subway. Our trains were in opposite directions, so we had one more makeout session. Made our plans for our Day 2 next weekend (she brought it up: "So when am I gonna see you again?") -- another concert of a band I'm super excited about.

I asked her if it was the most fun first date she's ever been on, and she said it actually was. She was expecting a really mediocre date. Planned on leaving early to go home, but she was very pleasantly surprised. This made me feel like a million bucks. I am the arbiter of my own destiny, haha.

The Good

  • I was fun. I made a conscious decision before hand to be super upbeat and happy. I got myself into state with my mood boosting music on the train. I surrounded myself with positive thoughts. It made me relaxed and outcome independent.

  • I was able to lead like a boss. I went to my favorite spots. I demonstrated high value and exuded social proof out the ass. Only boosted my state even more.

  • I K-closed early and escalated well. Even in the face of LMR, I soldiered on for quite a bit before I realized it was really not happening last night.

  • I also established a lot of attraction, comfort and personal connection. This is a girl I can see dating seriously.

  • I made sure to set up the Day 2 in person.

The Bad

  • Nothing. Even if I didn't get the SNL, I honestly had the best first date I've ever had.