Background. TL;DR

After work social. Was initially sold to me as a dinner. Arrive at the restaurant and it turns out everyone has gone to a bar instead. Step in the bar thinking I’m just going to say hi and go – I end up sticking around with this cute girl. Great conversation and storytelling, didn’t escalate sufficiently with kino.

The FR

So I arrive at the restaurant excited (because I’m a big foodie) and hungry like hell. No-one is there at the moment so I text the organizer. He turns up and says everyone has gone to the bar after having eaten already. Damn. I think to myself I’ll just go in and say hi to everyone and leave soon after.

I step into the bar and there are three girls from work and the organizer (a guy). I know the girls well already and we strike up light friendly conversation about the night so far. I was thinking about leaving, when another blond girl in along black dress from work comes out after a bathroom break. I’d seen her before and said a few words at work but tonight she was cute as hell, so I started working some game on her.

After striking up some one-to-one conversation, with focused eye contact I quickly got big smiles and big pupils. I slowly maneuvered her away to the edge of the group – placing my body between her and the rest of the group. I quickly got wind of her logistics (lived in a nearby area with 3 artsy girls, no car and was doing a nightshift tomorrow). We were both standing facing one another so I kino’d the forearm, elbow and back of her hand.

So far so good, and the situation set up for amazing conversation. She was an excellent conversationalist. We were talking about art, aesthetic and ended up on art galleries. She missed a recent exhibition that she really wanted to attend. I set up the conversation for a potential date close at a gallery exhibition:

“You know what I’m a member at so-and-so gallery”

“Really?!?”

“Yeah, I get to go free to the exhibitions. And you know what, you should come with me because I get to bring a guest too”

I can’t remember what she said but she was receptive.

The conversation moved on to a bunch of topics and I got a chance to tell a bunch of stories. Storytelling is a skill I’m trying to improve and she was definitely receptive to the delivery and engaging with the content.

One of the girls interrupted our conversation to offer a round of drinks. I was so wrapped up in the chat that I actually jumped back a little when the girl came in. I checked my watch and we had been talking one-on-one for an hour without interruption without a phone check, drink, anything – just pure locked in conversation.

I looked at the others in out group and they were just checking phones and not even talking – a complete contrast to this blond chick and I.

This is where the night generally took a turn for the worse.

I started to feel bad for the others and tried to pep up their night by chatting with them and bouncing their mood up a notch. It works temporarily. But then one of the guys goes to get another round of drinks and the mood is broken again. I’m left with girls and they start gossiping about random girly shit amongst themselves, I leave for the bathroom for a quick reset after hearing 30 seconds of that bullshit.

I come back and the group moves to an alcove together where we can sit away from the bar itself. The blond chick disappears for a little bit and then comes back after ten minutes. She comes back, I motion for her to sit next to me and she complies. Stupidly, I fail to close the distance between us but she starts playing with my calf with her foot and shin. We were talking about arm wrestling and I use the chance to feel her biceps and compare them with another girls. She asks to feel mine but my shirt won’t roll up beyond my elbow (big guns bro). This whole time she’s playing footsies and I’m forgetting to escalate – instead trying to pick up the mood of the group as a whole.

Anyway it gets to 1AM and says she wants to go home. I offer her a lift and drop her off. She texts me to say that she got in safe.

Over the coming days I text her to say I had fun and that we should meet up again. She agrees but I offer a couple of dates/places including the museum but isn’t available and doesn’t offer alternative times. I figure she’s done and moved on. I do the same.

Action Points

Isolation I could have isolated her further away from the group earlier on. She wouldn’t have objected and there were no mama hens protecting.

Always be escalating Lost focus and tried being life of the party instead of escalating with the chick I had already. What’s more is I she gave me a great opportunity to close the distance in on her sitting down together and put an arm round her or similar. Gah! Could have asked to use her loo etc whilst dropping me off… so many opportunities missed.

Personal reflection

The first 5-10 minutes of my game were solid here – with early kino, figuring out logistics and even marking out a potential date. But although I had great conversation and developed great connection I missed several opportunities to escalate. Sure I spent an amazing hour just talking. But maybe I could have taken her home her already by that time if I was ambitious and had the full-on closing mentality.

Girls are fickle, I don’t give a shit that she didn’t agree to another date- it’s probably what I deserve after not getting down and dirty that same night.