What would cause this to happen? I am 24M and there is a girl I’ve met a few times at the bar over the past few months. The first time we met there was definitely a vibe of sexual tension and lots of touching but no kiss, we sat next to one another and chatted. Didn’t take her back to my place or anything, was too nervous. Second time we met was similar, but we talked for longer and about deeper topics, she opened up more about herself and her personal life, she even admitted she thought I was attractive. Didn’t take her home because again, I was too nervous, but we exchanged phone numbers and didn’t text much in the weeks after. Last week though a friend of mine at the bar (who is also a girl) was saying that me and her seem interested in each other last time and appears the chemistry is good, so I reconsidered meeting her again.

So we set up a date yesterday and go out for a drink. This time we talked even deeper and there was definitely a sexual vibe, lots of physical contact and I was sure to escalate this time because I was too nervous before. At one point though I kind of tried to subtly hint at going back to my place to hook up, and she replied “are you expecting something to happen,” to which I said “maybe.” At this point there was a brief silence and then she said she was worried that sleeping together would ruin the bond that we have, to which I paused for a second and just said “ok.” The weird thing is, she still agreed to come back to my place to hang out for a bit, and we even sat very close and had a conversation about sex in general, even asking me about my last hookup (which was 1.5 years ago) so I thought maybe there was still a chance.

Eventually she said she had to go. At that point I felt very sad and a little bit hurt, as dumb as it sounds. I have been friendzoned before but it was always kind of obvious that they weren’t into me back then, so while it was annoying it didn’t sting as bad. And this time I deliberately tried to do the opposite of what put me in the friend zone in the past. Eventually I slammed a few beers and went to bed. Woke up feeling so ashamed of myself and so down. I still feel really hurt. She asked if we were going to see each other again and I said after the holidays I’ll think about it.