so, i've been out of the game for a while. it started with a nineteen year long dry spell that made me anything but confident. i would have girls i was interested in, but whether it was because there was genuenly no chemistry or the girl was being a superficial teenager, it never worked out.

then, when i was nineteen, my girl best friend came out as asexual and began meeting other asexual people. and one of those people was Taylor. Taylor, A.K.A the prettiest girl i'd ever met. we instantly clicked: we liked the same things, listened to the same music, all that stuff. we ended up texting into the wee hours of the morning, never getting bored with the other. i eventually took the plunge and asked her to be my girlfriend. and things went great for awhile. i was estatic to be having my first ever physical relationship, she was happy to have a new boyfriend after her last BF who dumped her when he went to collage, and the best part was neither of us were pressuring each other to go too far (I.E take each other's virginity) too soon. but, like all good things, it came to an end. She called me one day and told me her ex had texted her. he said he was coming home that weekend and that he wanted to talk about getting back together. And she wanted to listen. I'll admit, i overreacted and broke up with her without trying to talk it out. she'd told me before she was still in love with him, and i think i'll always regret that.

things spiraled down from there. we slowly stopped talking. she blocked me on skype and facebook. the last time i talked to her was when she texted me and said he had proposed to her, and that she wished me the best. i've tried getting back in touch, but she's changed everything.

that pretty much distroyed what little self confidence i already had. i spent months wondering if i had done something wrong. i stayed up countless nights, going back through our texts, trying to find something i said withen that last month that could've upset her. but i eventually came to the conclusion that it wasn't meant to be.

i've been trying for a while to move on, but i just couldn't get out of the shell i was suddenly back in. then, just this last weekend, i saw a pretty girl at the mall, and forced myself to talk to her. it was small, a simple "hi, nice weather we're having, see you around" type of convorsation, but it felt incredible. it helped me realize i CAN move on. i just have to take it one step at a time