I've just been absolutely killing it in conversations with women and people in general lately, and I want to share a technique that I just picked up. It's called being meta, and it adds one or more dimensions to your projected personality. Women love it because it shows both awareness, humor, and a lot of indirect flirting.

Going Meta consists of:

  • Being more aware of yourself, your surroundings, and other people.
  • Having a sense of ease and humor about dynamic interactions and being outcome independence.
  • Showing vulnerability and responsibility.
  • Most importantly, intentions matter! Don't do it to impress people, do it to express yourself.

You can be meta in:

  • Meta-Awesomeness - (as discussed by Mark Manson)
  • Meta-Humor - ability to laugh at yourself or something you did
  • Meta-Flirting - breaking rapport by pointing out something innocuous about people that make them qualify themselves to you

Being more aware of yourself: when you say or do something, become more predictive about how it comes across to other people. This takes a fair bit of mental exercise, ease of social anxiety, and reception to feedback (verbal and non-verbal). Once you've achieved a good amount of self-awareness, you can express yourself fully, but also recognize their congruence. If there is an in-congruence within yourself, address it out loud. Say things like "I'm sorry, that's not how I wanted that to come out" or "Could I say it in another way?".

Being more aware of the environment and other people: "this bar is kinda dank" or "you seem to need another drink" are meta observations that are the social gels that show your ability to get outside of yourself. Of course, you can't be saying it all the time, it'll wear a lot. Whenever there is a pause or an awkward moment, there's your opportunity to be meta. Do it so that the conversation rolls on or takes another direction. "Oh yeah, but let me tell you about a bar I've been to, it's way worse than this..."

Humor and outcome independence: When you are meta, you show the ability to laugh at yourself or the current situation, no matter how tense. This shows that you are enjoying the conversation and the process of making it work, hence you are not tied to the outcome of it. It doesn't have to go anywhere, and you are okay with that.

Showing vulnerability and responsibility: Saying things like "oh yeah that was kinda weak, let me do better" will show that you are putting yourself out there to be judged, and you can take responsibility of what you say or do. It shows that you are comfortable winking at girls then laugh it off. It does mean that you have to take a number of risks in a conversation, to polarize people. Don't do it for their reaction, but do it because that's what you truly think. Be okay with being wrong and/or offensive. Take responsibility for your words and actions.

Intention matters!! Express, not impress. I won't go into it more than that, but if this doesn't resonate with you, read up more on intentions.

  • Meta-awesomeness: read the link above.

  • Meta-Humor: nothing breaks the ice more than acknowledging the tenseness of the situation or yourself. One time, I did something really stupid, and I said "wow that's a lot work for a joke", and the situation defused itself. Doing this will allow you to take bigger and bigger risks, knowing that you have built a rapport and you can always recover yourself through Meta-Humor.

  • Meta-Flirting: nothing gives you the opportunity to break rapport more than the ability to point out something innocuous about other people and what they say and do. The point is not to be hurtful or offensive, unless you're trying to neg, which I don't recommend. "You wouldn't have gotten away with saying that if you weren't so cute" is an example.

Why does this all work? Because it shows awareness, which is one of the pillars of a highly confident individual (or alpha, as some call it). It also shows assertiveness, the courage to speak one's minds, responsibility, and other things too, but awareness is the main thing. It also shows that you are not so invested in what other people think about you, but how you think about yourself and the world. Meta, of course, is your own observations through your subjective lenses. However, but pushing it to the surface instead of just letting linger in your mind, you say it as if it was a fact. That also influences people to take your point of view and go along with wherever you are leading them. Seductive indeed.