Having some serious problems closing

PyouA · 2012-06-04T23:06:07+00:00

Just do it, but do it the right way...

If done properly, nothing will really feel like a jump. That goes for kissing, sex and whatever else.

Here are a few tips:

DiCarlo escalation ladder. If you don't know it, learn it.
Position yourself so that she is coming on to you. When you are talking slowly move your positioning so that your back is to the wall and facing outwards toward everyone else and she is facing only toward you.
Keep pushing until you feel resistance, then back off just a bit. So let's say you are holding hands and she digs it, then you should have your arm around her pretty soon, and then you should be all over eachother a bit after, and making out a bit after that. Eventually she is going to give you a bit a resistance, just be aware and focus on it. Sometimes it will be subtle like taking a small step away or changing her body positioning to something less intimate - othertimes it will be a bit more explicit, like she will grab your wrist and move your hand or take out her phone and step away a bit to text. Instead of thinking of these things as bad like a lot of guys do, try and see them as a necessary part of hooking up. You aren't going to know when to stop unless she shows you. Let her be the one to stop you instead of holding yourself back.
Learn as many advances as you can that fall between where you are struggling and where you are looking to go. So say you can't make the move for a kiss and are stuck grinding on eachother. Think of something that is more intimate than the grind and is on it's way toward a kiss but not quite there - like a hand on the back of her neck when you are talking (not in a weird way) or just putting your finger on her chin and gently lift her head toward yours when you are talking, maybe leaving it there for a bit (and while reading the shit out of her, she might be ready here for a kiss). I've found that as I've learned more and more levels of intimate moves, the easier it has been to progress. So break it down with your Harvard/MIT brain and figure shit out that is between where you are and where you want to go. Think of it like running of a flight of stairs where each one is only a few inches higher than the preceding one. Quick baby steps. This goes for anything, if you are touching her boob and want sex, thinking of stuff between those two levels of intimacy is a great idea (obviously) but it is also a good idea at less obvious times (finding something between fingering and sex is just as effective, but used far less often by guys).
Intimacy could work just as well as sex from the girl's perspective. I could make a list far too long of my own awkward sexual experiences, but I've learned that if you don't treat them as a big deal - the girl won't either. Just be the man and keep pursuing her body and she will be happy. By pushing through difficult sexual experiences you are showing the girl that you are a man on a mission. A lot of girls like different stuff, and the ones that are more experiences usually aren't too shy to make it clear what they do and don't want. Just follow their lead and do your best and you are ahead of most guys already (so many guys just have a specific routine and go through it and ignore the girl, don't do this). Without going on a massive tangent, think of being naked together as what matters as far as the girl is concerned - because in many ways it is. A high quality girl is going to want to believe she picked a high quality mate, so really the odds are stacked in your favor once you two get down to business. Just hook up, if things don't go great - tell her they didn't go so well and ask what the deal is. Say something like, "that was okay, but I really thought it was going to be a lot better - I felt like we had a ton of chemistry."...now it's her problem that you didn't get her off and it will drive her nuts (i.e. she will want to have more sex with you to reconcile this, which is great).
(Bonus) Find girls that you are sexually comfortable with and aren't self-conscious about asking for pointers. Maybe you've been friends with the girl for a while and hook up sometimes, maybe she isn't your type and don't care if it never goes past a ONS...

Edit: For #3, when you feel resistance you should take a small step back. I don't think that was made that clear.

puaCurveBall · 2012-06-04T22:45:33+00:00

since I had no idea how to kiss or make out

No, since you were anxious and scared. Every human knows how to kiss and make out, you just shove your faces together and go for it.

If you would get out of your own head and stop overthinking things, just let biology take its course.

I think this kind of thing takes a lot of practice,

No, No, No.

just really didnt want to fuck up on my first time

Then you are never going to HAVE a first time, now are you?

You know the best advice, so get out there and just do it.

Meditation can help with your anxiety, but really just bite the bullet, accept you are going to feel anxious and go for it.

Think about how many fail opportunities you have wasted, and how much learning and experience you would have if you had just gone for it.

Stop giving yourself excuses.

VMikeL · 2012-06-05T11:21:12+00:00

5' 7" is average, don't be such a hater. I'm sorry about your penis by the way - it was completely unnecessary to this post.

There isn't really a way to get around these things without doing it. The best way is to gain knowledge about how to do what. For example, I was told kissing is like biting the pulp of a ripe orange with just your lips, obviously, you're not trying to tear hers off, but you should get the idea... (hopefully), sex - porn can help, so can just reading about certain sexual organs (such as the clitoris).

If you're asking for validation, as to whether any one else has this, don't - it won't boost your confidence or make it any easier.

lastnoob · 2012-06-05T09:47:04+00:00

I can feel your anxiety through your writing style. Mental states are infectious, and women can easily pick up on subtle nonverbal cues. This is especially true if your anxiety ramps up right before you start escalating.

Start mentally conditioning yourself to be outcome independent. Your happiness is not tied to the fact that you did close/did not close. Also, it sounds like much of your inner game is based around/tied to closing. Tell yourself that you will be happy whether you make out, get a handjob, close, or even if nothing happens.

Doing this, will decrease your anxiety levels when you are in a situation where you might close. You will mentally note all this, and then recall it when you are about to escalate. Doing so will decrease your anxiety, and in turn, her anxiety.

Women are conditioned to be in a fight of flight mode during escalation. If she is feeling any anxiety, hesitation, or lack of confidence as you're touching on her boobies, she's out. Relax, and enjoy the experience.

jk147 · 2012-06-05T15:09:43+00:00

I know the feeling, constantly worried over what people will think about you. I suggest reading "no more mr. Nice guy" and follow up on the break free activities. It is not something you could be free of in a day, in one reddit post or probably not even in a year. But it is a good first step.

Kozbot · 2012-06-05T20:52:08+00:00

stop watching porn #1

Title	Having some serious problems closing
Author	midnightlife
Upvotes	7
Comments	6
Date	June 4, 2012 9:46 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/ukx57/having_some_serious_problems_closing/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/having-some-serious-problems-closing.1333635 https://theredarchive.com/post/1333635

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