There are tons of posts from really young guys who are fixated on a female friend, an ex, or believe they are deeply in love with their current girlfriend, and are already proclaiming that they want to settle down.

When I see this, I recall the mistake I made when I got settled into a relationship my early twenties without any significant dating history, and eventually got married. Although I don’t regret it, we were together for 15 years and had several good years where we were in love, looking back my lack of experience at times made me (and likely her as well) dissatisfied, and was a factor in my eventual divorce.

I met her when I was 22 and she was twenty. I had only had sex with two girls prior, and no true relationships. She was the first attractive woman who paid any significant attention to me. After we had been together for several years, I proposed, because I thought that’s what you did if you are with someone who checks most of your boxes. If I was honest with myself, I wanted to date more women.

As I got older, this itch became greater. I stayed faithful physically, but mentally I was constantly lusting after other women. It was unhealthy, and didn’t help me be the most present and best husband I could be. I also needed to do some significant work on myself, which I didn’t realize at the time.

This wasn’t the sole reason I got divorced, but this pervasive emotional distance was a factor.

I’m not advocating for throwing away a good relationship so you can sleep around, or be a fuckboy seeking constant validation from as many women as possible.

However, I do believe that everyone should have an extended period of their lives where they date for just for fun, to see what they like, to gain sexual experience and confidence, without a serious relationship as the objective.

This way, if you enter into a relationship with someone, it’s because you are genuinely excited to be with them, not out neediness or a belief that you won’t find someone else.

Additionally, you wont be as eager to please and be a pushover, because you have confidence you can find others out there if things fall apart. An abundance mindset is much easier this way.

When you are young, take your time. Have fun, gain life and relationship experience before deciding to put your hopes into one persona prematurely. Have high standards. Try to date only women that you find beautiful and interesting. This will give you confidence as well. The more experience you have, the better off your relationships and sex life will be down the road.