How can I be better? I keep getting the same text over and over again.

aitaix · 2024-02-29T23:17:12+00:00

You have to learn how to touch without asking permission. This goes for all women. It could be your grandma. It's small subtle touches, that shows your physically confident to have her in your personal bubble. Could be your forearms while your sitting next to her on a couch. Or when you're laughing at her stupid joke you subtly grab her shoulder. When you're walking through a doorway you guide her by casually putting the palm of your hand on her lower back. When you greet her, put your hand(s) on her thigh, around her hip, but don't grab her ass just yet. If she moves away, or like projects your physical touch then you know she's not into it. If she reciprocates, you know it's cool to escalate. Read about "keno escalation" but use it on (almost) everyone.

Also don't "ask to kiss". If you are within inches of her face, remain eye contact with each other, while you can count to 5 without her looking away, then you know that it's good to go.

ROBYoutube · 2024-02-29T23:16:10+00:00

Can some ladies please tell me what do they mean by the template text though?

Not a lady, but I think you'll find what they all had in common was they all went on dates with you. After meeting you, they decided that you made them feel not horny, but also noted that you weren't a bad or boring person. Just not someone they find attractive.

It sounds the same because they were all written to and about the same person.

DaygameCode · 2024-02-29T23:26:02+00:00

How can I be better? I keep getting the same text over and over again.

Because you keep doing the same mistakes and expect different result.

I am a grad student in STEM and make a decent wage working at an IT company.

All right, I think now i know what could be the problems You are an IT guy, a programmer i suppose, so you are likely a very logical and analytical person, which is like kryptonite when it comes to talk to women, because women are emotional and don’t connect well with logical guys.

They always say:I've had fun hanging out with you, but I don't see this proceeding romantically. I'm down to be just friends though."

That always happens because when you go on a date with them you don’t create sexual tension, you don’t act like you want to fuck with them, you don’t act like you are horny, and instead treat them like a buddy or like she is your sister.

That means you treat them in an asexual way, you don’t make things sexual in any way because you think that makes you respectful or whatever, or worst because you think that would make her uncomfortable and want to play it safe.

This of course leads to being perceived as a guy who doesn’t take risks (off putting) and a guy who acts like a gay best friend. A guy who hides his penis (metaphorically speaking) and makes it clear he is never going to be a sexual guy, so she can absolutely feel confident that you don’t even want sex.

You do this because you think this makes you earn points, because you bought into the idea that expressing sexual desire for a woman you met is wrong, except it’s not. It just depends on how it’s done and if you are in a date you need to actually act like you are into her and you are not acting like you are. You are acting like she is a friend that you could get along with, but not like you are into her.

I am extremely nervous to touch someone without asking them so I always ask before. I've made out with several of them at the end of a date (after asking "can i give you a kiss?") but it does not go beyond that.

You are too formal, too educated, too respectful, and completely out for touch with your instincts and your passionate primitive side. This makes you a totally safe guy who just bores women, because romance requires taking fucking risks. Low risk, low reward. High risk, high reward.

And yes taking risks can have bad consequences but that’s part of the game. Attraction doesn’t happen by playing it safe, it happens when you are daring and provocative, when you are polarising, not by being wishy-washy, indecisive, sexually repressed and inhibited.

I don't think I am masculine enough because I am soft-spoken, have low-self-esteem, and am always trying to listen and give good input to whatever they're saying.

Yeah, you acting like a mister nice guy who feels lucky a woman gave him more than 20 mins of her undivided attention. A guy who is there to follow her lead, get her validation and act like a puppy dog who dreams of earning enough of her approval to get a biscuit. Rather than being the assertive, decisive, confident leading man who takes charges and leads things to where he wants them to lead.

Dates seem to always go fine from my mind except for some dead silence moments, and other times where I'm trying to muster up the courage to hold their hand or put my arm around their shoulder.

And when you touch is like “omg, im touching a woman, better be careful, let me lightly caress a little bit of her elbow and if she does the minimum gesture that she doesn’t like to, i will immediately stop and be as apologetic as I can be, like a puppy dog who made it’s owner upset.

I think going to an all-boys catholic school really fucked me up or something.

Indeed, the catholic school shaped your personality in such a way where you act like sex is a taboo, and forbidden and that women are innocent angels that are disgusted by a guy expressing his desired for them, and thus you act like you want to show them how much you respect them as the delicate angels that you think they are.

And then the career path you chose made you logical and analytical which means you don’t connect with women sexually and emotionally as you focus on facts, objectivity, logic, rather than feelings, emotions, intuition, sensations.

My self-worth is most definitely tied to dating at this point.

I forgot to add about how religion could affect your self-esteem. The catholic bible teaches that one should not think too highly of themselves, this of course has to do with being humble which is a good thing only when you don’t act like you are better than others, but if you take that humility to the extreme you will then start think you are worth nothing.

But you got to remember humans are created in the image of god. So that implies inherent worth and dignity.

Rroken86 · 2024-02-29T23:12:13+00:00

You need to read Dating Essentials for Men by Robert Glover.

It's got everything you need, including how to stop being awkward, and how to meet women in the real world.

But mainly it will show you how to transform dating into a self improvement machine.

So with every date you'll be building a better you.

TRTGymBro · 2024-03-01T01:12:11+00:00

Flip the words "anxious" and "awkward" and "video games" to "fat", "ugly" and "time with my cats" and pretend what you wrote was written by a woman.

Jironasaurus · 2024-03-01T01:13:21+00:00

Your story eerily reminds me of mine. At 25, I was terrible as well. I'm also 5'7", though I think at that time I was about 105lbs. Incredibly low on confidence and shitty self esteem. I also had tons of social anxiety. I remember I approached a girl once, when I was around 27, and my hands were shaking so bad as I was gesturing... I was pretty sure she saw that too.

What I'll say right now is... don't worry, you're not destined to be single forever. I had that same fear, and as I got older and learnt how to be better with women, life just changed a lot for me. At 35, I started a relationship that lasted 5.5 years. And now at 42, I am in a relationship with a very beautiful woman who treats me incredibly well.

What changed for me then? A real perseverance to work hard at being a better man, and also, systems.

I dare say I am very lucky. I found a great mentor, as well as a whole bunch of friends who had the same mentor, and we all learnt together. And after so many years, I can safely say... it is not you that's the problem. It's your learnt behaviours. You already mentioned a few things like how you are "not masculine enough, soft-spoken, have low self esteem" etc. Those on its own are a big problem. But they can be changed. External behaviours are the easiest to fix because they are just habits.

Mindset, however... requires a longer term discipline. You really have to reinforce positive mindsets, and be aware enough to recognise when negative mindsets set in. Now, there's a lot of work involved in changing your mindsets. It's not something anyone can help you fix with a simple Reddit reply.

As for what you're doing wrong with your dates, it's really hard to tell. Based on what you've described so far, my guess is... your personality is mild and soft. You wanna change that right away. Get that handled first.

Lastly, feel free to give me a shout out if you have any further questions. You got this, dude.

ZenoGeno · 2024-03-01T10:09:40+00:00

I can relate to that last part

Title	How can I be better? I keep getting the same text over and over again.
Author	One-Owl-4202
Upvotes	6
Comments	8
Date	February 29, 2024 10:46 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1b3dx46/how_can_i_be_better_i_keep_getting_the_same_text/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-i-be-better-i-keep-getting-the-same-text.1427386 https://theredarchive.com/post/1427386

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