How can you tell the difference between these two things?

hunterpua · 2018-10-04T21:27:21+00:00

If you talk about things you simply find interesting then you aren't seeking validation at all, you're simply talking about things you find interesting. For example if I talk about my interest in firearms training then I'm simply talking about how I find it interesting. Talking about things you're interested in especially when you know how to translate it in a way that other people can relate is actually a very good way of building comfort and therefore would have a positive effect in your interactions with women.

The kind of things you talk about that are seeking validation or are perceived to be seeking validation are things that you have achieved or acquired for yourself. Examples of these are your position at work, the success of a business you run, the car you drive, the things you own, how much money you make, a competition you've won, a talent or special skill you have, etc.

Seeking validation ultimately comes down to your personal intentions for saying things. Only you know for sure whether talking about owning a Lamborghini is because you want the other person to think you're cool or because you're just so passionate about it.

Still, there are times when passion can be misinterpreted as trying to impress someone. The good news is, there is reliable way where you can talk about something you're passionate about and not have the person you're talking to think you're seeking validation from them. The way you do that is by making them practically beg you to talk about it.

So lets say you own a Lamborghini and the conversation you're having with a woman naturally drifts to the topic of cars. If she asks you what car you drive you can start by being a little evasive. You can say something like, "Eh, nothing special." the usual reaction is that she will pry a bit more. She might say something like, "Ok but what kind of car is it exactly?" to which you can respond by saying, "Haha ok. I actually really love my car and could talk about it all day because I think its just amazing but you might judge me for it." they usually say something like, "No of course not, I would never do such a thing" then you pause and say something like, "You're really tempting me to talk about it....but I don't know..." then they usually say, "No, cmon! Trust me, I'll be totally cool about it, I promise." then you finally say, "Ok...I drive a Lamborghini Huracan." and get to talking about it.

She will never think you're trying to impress her with that because you were actively trying to avoid talking about it but she was the one who pushed you to talk about it.

poprer656sad · 2018-10-05T00:19:30+00:00

There are two faces to every person. One others see and one they see. A person will never be able to view their second face, they know their own intentions and reasoning, and justify their own mindset and mentalities. Others will only see the action and repercussions, never their reasoning.

Humans are beings of affirmation. Our doubt and disbelief is our form of defense and allowed for evolution. However, we also look for order and to understand and justify our actions. We seek approval innately.

Do not be ashamed of either passion or boasting. Both are critical to being human. The seduction game is about self acceptance rather than acceptance from others. The ultimate takeaway from 100 women cold approach, I think, would be the ability of self validation, rather than validation from 100 random women.

recyclablebanthas · 2018-10-05T03:24:18+00:00

1

How do you know whether you're seeking validation OR you're merely trying to express yourself and connect with someone?

You can only really know through self-awareness and mindfulness.

And if you have those things (and/or develop them through things like meditation), then you become aware of whether you're after connection or just socially masturbating.

2

In my previous relationships I used talk a lot about the things I found interesting, even half-baked ideas about stuff. Was that me seeking approval or was I just showing off? On the surface the two things seem pretty similar.

Only you could say if you were showing off.

Context matters also. If you were just shoe-horning things into conversation that didn't fit there, then it's more likely it was approval seeking and/or showing off, both of which are not the best things when taken to excess.

We all like to have our time to shine and we all like to be approved of by others, but the real question is, are you meeting this need by relying too heavily on any one person? And are you driven to keep hijacking conversations to meet your need?

Or are you self-validating and surrounding yourself with good friends who all meet this need in small doses? And are you able to share a conversation, rather than being driven to take it over? Are you able to give and listen, rather than sitting there just waiting for your turn to talk when it's someone else's turn?

mandm418 · 2018-10-04T20:54:47+00:00

Maybe both?

Title	How can you tell the difference between these two things?
Author	woobwoobzoob
Upvotes	1
Comments	5
Date	October 4, 2018 8:18 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9lfi3z/how_can_you_tell_the_difference_between_these_two/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-can-you-tell-the-difference-between-these-two.1454475 https://theredarchive.com/post/1454475

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