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[–][deleted] 11 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
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[–]Setsa2 points 11 years ago [recovered] (2 children) | Copy Link
It sounds like your issue is you are tossing logic out of the window. You have evidence for what you want (that you are a catch) but you are ignoring that evidence. Firstly, you do have good accomplishments and you do have to put those things into perspective. I struggled with a similar thing due to depression but if you meditate on things and look at yourself in comparison to your peers, talking with confidence about your accomplishments should be easier. Be cautious and read up on the symptoms of depression and see if you fit any of them because sometimes these things fly under the radar. Secondly, change your presentation. Your post is a grocery list and makes you sound like a bore that itemizes life. If you were applying for a job, you would have my interest but I would still want to see that you are human. Women are going to react in a similar manner.
[–]whydidilose1 points 11 years ago [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
I appreciate the advice you've given me here. Maybe I am depressed and should seek some professional help. How would you apply meditation to something like this? Do you know any good starting places/references?
My particular presentation of this problem was tailored to a message board. I just wanted to lay everything out in a factual list manner, as I thought that may be a better way for people to understand what I'm saying.
I make it a point to not present a grocery list to women or go into interview mode when on dates. It had taken me a while to overcome that problem. One of the moderators in the forum made a post with detailed examples of interview mode vs non interview mode, and since then things have just clicked.
[–]chiliehead 1 point2 points3 points 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
Unbreakable or lots of humble bragging.
You don´t seem that modest in my opinion. You say you´re good looking, well off and educated. You have things you´re passionate about. Some guys tell theirselves they are a catch to fake confidence til they make it. You don´t have to tell this yourself, you just have to accept it.
On a kitchen psychology level, you might suffer from "imposter syndrome" (hope it´s spelled right). You don´t seem to have any reasons for self-doubt. Did you try meditation? Becoming present to the moment. I havent´t read Eckhard Tolle´s "The power of now", you might give it a shot. Maybe just smile at yourself in the mirror and say, sincerely, loud and confident, "I love you. You´re great. I´m great".
How can I use these accomplishments to my advantage (such as having money)?
Do fun stuff you enjoy. Eat high quality food. Invest in stuff that seperates you from the ground (bed, shoes, tires etc.). Travel.
I don't really talk about my accomplishments in person. I just wanted to list specific examples so my post would be as concise as possible. Though in retrospect, maybe it would have been sufficient to just say that I've accomplished a lot, still don't feel proud of my accomplishments, and left it at that.
I'll have to read up on imposter syndrome. Maybe give that mirror method or that book a go.
And thank you for answering the last part of my post. I do most of those things that you mention but I get very little enjoyment from them. Traveling is enjoyable, but the feeling is only temporary. I think your examples here are reenforcing that I may be depressed.
Again, thank you for the response.
[–]chiliehead 0 points1 point2 points 11 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If you´re afraid that you might suffer from depression I urge you to talk with a doctor. There´s nothing to be ashamed of and often youj don´t even need to do a lot to feel much better.
[–][deleted] 11 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I guess you aren't aware that humility = modesty? So you're advice does not help in the least.
In person, I don't come off as an arrogant sociopath. I tried to emphasize this point by stating (multiple times) that listing my accomplishments was not me trying to brag.
I know that other people would view some of those things as confidence boosters, but I do not. That said, is therapy a good course of action? Or is there any other way to reframe this problem that I'm having? How can I be proud of where I am in life if I haven't had to work hard for it?
And I'm not asking you, pianobrah. I'm just further trying to explain my point and where I'm coming from.
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[–]whydidilose1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]chiliehead 1 point2 points3 points (2 children) | Copy Link
[–]whydidilose1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link
[–]chiliehead 0 points1 point2 points (0 children) | Copy Link
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[–]whydidilose1 points [recovered] (1 child) | Copy Link