How do you achieve full fulfillment/outcome independence/confidence?

Psychocist · 2016-05-05T17:05:55+00:00

What's your life like? It's hard to be confident when you're not happy with yourself or your life. Do you have hobbies? Do you exercise? Do you eat well? Dress well? Have money/job/career/business? In essence, are you looking after yourself?

Here are a few things that have helped me develop my confidence over the last year:

therapy
meditation
salsa dancing
improv classes
having a mission
successes with women

I still struggle quite a lot to be honest, but I've only thrown myself into the above in a half-assed kinda way. The potential, though, is obvious. I've already seen a massive change in my basic level of confidence.

A mission is possibly one of the most important aspects of a man's life. Once you've absorbed yourself into meaningful, long-term goals, it's difficult to give a crap about who finds you attractive or funny or smart or whatever. Your focus is firmly on bettering yourself and your life. You start to look forward to the future and [hopefully] enjoy the process more. You don't have to ask if you're good enough because your value is evident. Women become a side-attraction.

You achieve total outcome independence by understanding you will grow regardless so long as you do something. You're building up reference points. This worked, that didn't, this is something I should improve, etc. You will experience success and suffer rejection no matter who you are and it's all part of the game you're playing. Accept it.

Try exposure therapy. Go get rejected purposely until you realise that you can survive it. With that, your anxiety will be reduced. From there it's just a numbers game. Not everybody will like you. You are too short/tall/ugly/bald/hairy for some people (note: you're never too handsome). Accept it.

But honestly, you will not see much change if you don't go out there and experience it. Fundamentally, this is a problem with your belief system. I only started to see my negative self-beliefs shattered when I put myself in a position for reality to say otherwise. "I'm not good looking enough to have sex" -> had sex. Belief gone almost overnight. Something that I'd attempted to escape for years.

What are your negative self-beliefs? Work on breaking them down through counter-experiences. Yes, some may be valid - "I will never have sex with Jessica Alba", but most will be unfounded.

What's even more important is that you're able to notice the (re)emergence of these beliefs. For example, I have overcome the belief that I'm not attractive enough to get someone into bed.. but then another belief formed - I'm not attractive enough to keep an attractive woman interested in me long-term. Also, the old belief transformed into "well, maybe all my success was circumstantial".

The question you are begging with all this behaviour is: am I worthy of love? Until you believe you are, that void will be filled with insecurity.

sykilik101 · 2016-05-05T17:04:30+00:00

You do it by prioritizing your happiness and goals. That's not to say that you think yourself as the most important person, or better than anyone else, or anything like that, but your focus should be on your satisfaction. If you're going out to a party, focus on having a good time for yourself. If you're gonna try to start looking better, focus on feeling attractive in what you wear. If you're gonna work out, focus on the satisfaction of being healthy, feeling strong, and looking good to yourself. It's about realizing that you yourself can add major fulfillment to your life, and while others can add to it, you don't always need it.

Title	How do you achieve full fulfillment/outcome independence/confidence?
Author	upandup123
Upvotes	1
Comments	6
Date	May 5, 2016 3:19 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/4i0cv9/how_do_you_achieve_full_fulfillmentoutcome/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-achieve-full-fulfillmentoutcome.1406359 https://theredarchive.com/post/1406359

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