How do you stop yourself from getting too attached to someone?

WhiteKoala__ · 2018-09-01T01:12:18+00:00

Kinda in a similar position OP. Hang in there

WIA20XX · 2018-09-01T00:38:49+00:00

It's hard to not do something, refrain. So the best path is doing something else. But....

If a piece of pussy can get you off your path, then your path is some bullshit or you have no path.

You might not have the skills to fuck 10 other bitches, or the desire to learn the skills, but any dude can be truly passionate about something other than one chick.

2018-08-31T21:50:46+00:00

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recyclablebanthas · 2018-09-01T02:37:09+00:00

1

How do you stop yourself from getting too attached to someone?

When considering this sort of question, there are some important questions to ask yourself.

Is it possible that you are actually wanting a deeper connection, like a relationship? If there's any chance of this, then continuing to push yourself to engage in flings, is going to lead to you sending mixed messages and getting mixed results, like driving fun girls away with unexpected seriousness, or going from enjoying a fling for what it is, to wanting to slap a relationship label on something you thought you were just enjoying as fun.
Is it possible that you are unintentionally muddying the waters for yourself (and possible the girl), by engaging in accidental behavior that incites an emotional reaction from you (and possibly her)? Things like PDAs, seeing her more often than once every 8 days or so, or basically anything else that could fall under the category of "boyfriend and girlfriend" behavior...... these things all have the potential to lead to you being more attached than you might have planned.

2

The idea of a fuckbuddy, which i had, is really nice to me.

Why? What about this concept appeals to you?

3

However, since im not popular with women (never really was), i tend to get attached so easily to them.

The history of popularity issues is almost at the core of this, but you're not quite there. Some people like the solitude. Others really don't. It's the effects of that lack of popularity and what it meant to you, that is at the heart of this.

For you, this tendency you speak of, indicates that you're lacking something that you are trying to fill up with a girl. So you're going into these interactions already starving for something, and so when you have more intimacy with someone, it can be a slippery slope to you wanting to use interactions with them to fill up that hole inside you.

You recognize on some level that you're putting too much on them, too early, and that there should be another way to get what you need without being so off-balance all the time. And you're right, there is another way that doesn't require being off-balance. And no, it doesn't require going out and fucking 10 other women.

The idea of spreading it around like that is appealing. And fun, honestly. But it really doesn't solve the core issue. All too often, all you do when you start fucking 10 other women to try to "solve" this issue, is that you multiply the issue by the number of women you get involved with. All too often, it'll end up going south, where you lose all 10 women, one after the other, like dominoes, when the neediness blows it all up.

So what do?

Internal strategy: allow yourself the luxury of believing that it's FINE to be alone on a Saturday night every so often. FOMO makes this hard to feel okay with, but your time is valuable and sometimes the end result of knowing this, is a feeling that there isn't anything outside on that particular night that's more valuable than having some alone time with something you've been looking forward to like a TV show, game, movie, pampering yourself, peace and quiet, etc.
External strategy: There's no escaping the fact that people (usually) need people. We are social creatures. And if you don't have a rich social life, you're going to be driven to fulfill this through anyone you start dating, which will make it impossible to have a fling for very long without finding yourself leaning on them for your social needs. You can fulfill a rich social life by finding a social group (or three) that meet up regularly, have a core of regulars, and yet also have a rotating cast of new people coming and going. (I can elaborate on this, if need be.)

4

I always want to text them, i text almost immediately

This is something that requires you to actively prioritize your own waking life outside of looking at a phone screen all the time. I get that we all need to check our phones at times. But for your own sake, finding ways to put the damn phone down, is vital for your own emotional health. If you're sitting there struggling with the desire to text or composing texts, etc., that's energy that you aren't using on your own life. You're unplugging from the world around you.

Put the phone down. Do whatever it takes. To help establish a better habit, take a few days and try to keep your phone in Airplane Mode except at breakfast, lunch, and dinner. (Unless you are needing it to navigate or expecting an actually important text or call for work or something.)

5

and i had a fuckbuddy....she has someone else and at first i thought i had no feelings/attachment (or atleast very minimal), but now i felt this kind of jealousy, thinking 'damn, she is already with someone else, she is probably getting fucked by him at this moment' etc..

This sort of thing shouldn't be happening.

It means you're either engaging in accidental boyfriend behavior, or you're actually trying to force yourself into a fling when you really want a relationship.

5

Since this wasn't a 'normal' fuckbuddy, since she didn't want to fuck, only oral and stuff... I think, she probably wants him to fuck her, but not me etc..

Also going to focus on what you've pointed out here: She really wasn't a "fuck-buddy." So she wasn't even fulfilling the basic aspects of a fling. So if you were sticking around and trying to win her over, that wasn't in pursuit of a fling, it was you trying to start off casually with a girl and convert her into a relationship. At least subconsciously.

It bears pointing out that this is a poor strategy that leads to bad results most of the time, even when it "succeeds."

6

in group chat i saw my 'friends' set up a meeting, but no one cared to ask me out with them.

On the other hand, you were in the group chat. They might be thinking it goes without saying that you are welcome and part of the group. And maybe you made shit weird by ignoring their chat about the meet and then (I assume?) not showing up.

There are a lot of assumptions that we all have to learn to question. A lot of negative self-talk is a very common issue, which leads to people accidentally isolating themselves from friends or screwing themselves out of sex or relationships.

Negative thoughts create a feedback loop. These negative thoughts can be fought and your brain re-wired. Two takes on fighting them:

LoneWolf1404 · 2018-09-01T02:28:36+00:00

Used to have a similar mindset. You have to search for abundance. Get Tinder, start meeting new women. You will stop getting hung up on that one special girl.

Also if you want another chance with this former fuck buddy, think about it this way 'Well she's with someone else, that guy is probably fucking up a lot.' If you still see each other, flirt with her, tell her how happy you are, mention other girls. She's gonna be like 'wow I used to give blowjobs to this guy who's really awesome and now I'm in a relationship with a loser. Maybe I should date him instead'.

One thing that never stops to amaze me is that I always get chances with girls that either have a boyfriend / have a crush on a moron. Had a girl who I always knew was interested in me, yet we interacted too little and she liked other guys who she interacted with more. When we started interacting more, she was blowing those guys off one after another right in front of me. She was kissing one once. I'm not lying: all it took was a single look in her eyes while she was kissing him. Her face dropped, she stopped kissing him, blew him off, kept chasing me for the rest of the evening... and a couple of months after that. I eventually got needy myself but I was acting extremely aloof towards her when I was needy. Never displayed nice guy behavior towards her. I kinda want to give it another try and I know it might work out if I do things right. It's better to act aloof and break rapport if you're getting needy, rather than chasing her. She will still lose interest but the precedent is not as bad.

Also had another chick who sort of liked me. Didn't move fast enough, she got a boyfriend. After a couple of months she started messaging me while being in a relationship. Her boyfriend even added me on social media though we don't know each other. She started chasing even harder after me because he was definitely jealous and most likely acted like a needy little bitch.

What happens to you is also neediness. I just shared those stories to show you how it always backfires. If you maintain emotional composure, you're gonna display such strength that even chicks with boyfriends won't be able to resist.

It's your choice on which end you wanna be. I made my choice and I can't be happier with how things are going.

LoneWolf1404 · 2018-09-01T01:54:52+00:00

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txroller · 2018-09-01T03:20:12+00:00

Julien on oneitis and scarcity based mindset

Ikuyas · 2018-09-02T20:58:15+00:00

You are supposed to be talking to a few hundred of women at the same time. That is a basic.

How do you stop yourself from getting too attached to someone?

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How To Get Your Dream Girl Off The Pedestal: The Cure For Oneitis

431,646 views 👍7,200 👎326

Title	How do you stop yourself from getting too attached to someone?
Author	GunSmith137
Upvotes	17
Comments	42
Date	August 31, 2018 9:22 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9bxjz6/how_do_you_stop_yourself_from_getting_too/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-you-stop-yourself-from-getting-too-attached.1452574 https://theredarchive.com/post/1452574