First for context in the past i was praying every evening for girlfriend. I thought thats the missing part for me being happy. It was not.

I was from poor family, with poor social skills and with poor social kiddo, which was not invited to any parties at all.

I went to one summer camp, where i forced myself to become friend with everybody. I was deadly tired and i still stayed up with some girls, because i was just happy to be with them.

We got drunk, and this one girl was saying that now she would like to be with men and have fun. I told her, that i am here. She just laughed. Ouch.

I said somewhere in myself f*ck it. Last few days i went directly to every girl i was "friends" with, and invited them to date after summer camp ended. One agreed.

At date, i took her to McDonalds, i was talking for the whole time about myself. Later at bus stop we kissed.

That was my first girlfriend. She was quite depressed and i understood that i was able to date her, thanks to her low confidence.

Second gf i met in bus. She was so beautiful. I asked her for facebook contact.

She reluctantly gave me the facebook contact. We went out and i was pushing multiple times for kiss.

She told me later that it was horrible. Always when we argued i started crying. I was very emotional with her, because i read it at some feminist blog. She broke up with me. I loved her so deeply.

I still had multiple friends. One invited me out. We were dancing, we had so much fun. I was much more confident, less emotional.

I already had good job and much better skills. I was much more socially valuable.

She was model in the past. We started to date. But as time went, i started to go back into my old ways. Being too emotional, weak and people pleasing, anxious. She became toxic. I had to break up with her.

My lesson learned for future myself is...

Don't be desperate to have girlfriend in the first place. It attracts girls which are in bad state as well.

Second have confidence and trust in yourself. Without confidence and being too emotional you change your girlfriend into mom.

And last. Your change cannot be superficial. You cannot "trick" or "play" girl into dating you.

Because sooner or later she will find out what is real you. And after that she will either become toxic, manipulative or breaks up with you.