Sorry for the length, but this was a monumental lesson for me, thought I'd share.

I've been studying game for the past couple years. I wouldn't say I'm a PUA, just a guy who enjoys the company of beautiful women and is always looking for a way to improve myself. I've had decent success, but this story isn't about my success.

I met this girl while I was studying abroad my senior year of college. We became close friends, but never more than that. (I was dating someone at the time, so was she). We kept in touch loosely after our semester abroad, and after graduation. She moved to san fran and I live in LA, so we ran into each other every now and then at various parties, football games, music festivals, etc. We always had a great time and amazing chemistry, I felt in state all the time around her, nothing could phase me. But one night, at a music festival, rolling balls and dancing close, she turned around, gave me the fuck me eyes, and I kissed her. It was amazing, a moment I'll remember forever. But it was also the moment I started developing the toxic idea that I needed (not wanted, important distinction) more from our relationship.

I started slipping deep into oneitis. I tried to leverage every opportunity I could to see her. My life goals, career choices, workout regiment, diet, and social plans all began to revolve around the fantasy of this one girl. At the time, I thought she was amazing and we had this great foundation and were building to a once in a lifetime relationship. I was so blinded by my fantasy that I couldn't even fathom that all my feelings were based on a projection of my ideals onto this girl, that I was in love with a dream, not my dream girl.

I saw her a few more times over the next year, and grew more and more frustrated after each encounter as she threw up wall after wall in front of my escalation attempts. Excuse after excuse, her parents were in town, her friends were leaving, blah blah blah and I let her get away with all of it. I thought I was being casual and easy going, but I was really pandering to her, letting her control my actions by accepting the barriers she put up, but I continued, still dreaming of our happy ending.

I had plans to go to coachella a few weeks ago, and learned that she would be there with some friends. I thought this was going to be it, finally, after all this time. I met up with her and her friends one evening, and we hung out, danced, laughed. Everything was going great. Then, at the end of the night, her friends wanted to leave, but they implied that it was okay if she wanted to stay with me. I thought I was in, but then, she said "nope, I'll go", gave me a kiss, and bounced.

I should have called it quits right then and there, rejected her rejection and gone and enjoyed the rest of my weekend on my own terms. But no, I insisted that we meet up again the following night. If you've ever tried to meet up at a music festival, you know how much of a bitch it can be. I was giving her directions to where I was, but we kept getting moved in the crowd. But then, just when I was about to text "awww fuck it", the crowd parted and there she was. I was stunned. I couldn't believe she and her friends had been trying to find me that whole time, and in that moment I felt like a total asshole.

I should have played it cool, but I didn't. As I approached them I could tell by their body language they were very pissed/annoyed. I saw my oneitis fueled fantasy falling apart and panicked. I started apologizing profusely. They wanted to leave and I practically begged her to stay, which, of course, she didn't. It didn't stop there, I continued to text her for the next 10 minutes asking her to come meet me somewhere, that I just wanted to talk, blah blah blah. It was horrible, and all fueled by my scarcity mindset, that she was THE girl and I NEEDED her in my life.

Maybe I'll see her again, but I know, deep down, that anything we might've once had is now destroyed. I let my oneitis distort my reality and create such a needy mentality. I let my state be controlled by her (and her friend's) reactions. I was approval seeking beyond recognition. I so desperately wanted reciprocation of my feelings that I couldn't see how much damage was being done to an attraction that at one point had been so pure and promising.

I still remember, in vivid detail, the moment I realized just how badly I had fucked up. I felt like someone had opened up my throat and poured molten lead straight into my stomach. I was crushed.

After digesting all this for a few weeks, I see now just how delusional I was. The rose tinted glasses of oneitis have been painfully peeled off and I'm finally getting around to a point where I can laugh about my hindenburg of a blowout. In time, when the pain and embarrassment has totally subsided, this will prove to be a great milestone lesson on my journey.

So please guys, don't let oneitis sink it's teeth into you. Recognize when you're starting to think about a girl way more than you actually spend time with her. Tell yourself it's not real, because it's all in your imagination. The slope of mental masturbation is as slippery as it gets and what awaits at the bottom is emptiness and despair.