2018 i got out of a relationship and spent the whole year depressed and didn’t do anything other than numb myself with drugs, entertainment and sleeping.

This year i got better i promised myself that i would do everything in my power to meet new women and move on but guess what i haven’t done anything im still a fuck up who cant talk to girls im still lonely but at least im not depressed like last year.

So I’ve been in a two year dryspell and its driving me crazy because its all my fault I’ve been having sex but its been casual hook ups with my ex, but I DONT WANT HER like dude last time i fucked her i felt disgusted i cant believe i keep hooking up with her and not other women even tho she is fucking like 30 other guys. I feel so fucking bad I’ve let myself down.

Logically i know what i have to do but like my fucking brain just keeps wanting to go back into comfort which is fucking my ex whenever she appears in my life

What can i do? I have a good relationship with her we are friends but i just can keep fucking her i don’t want to i don’t even enjoy it anymore while im at it i just keep thinking that this could be a new girl but instead i prefer to stay comfortable and fuck her