How to join a conversation without being "that guy"?

yayareaballer · 2013-11-28T00:21:07+00:00

This used to be a big problem for me as well. However I learned two things are key to breaking into a group ("approaching") and then it's easy. They are

1) Attitude 2) An opener

If you have the right attitude, ie "I'm a cool guy and these girls want to talk to me", that's roughly 90% of it right there. You've heard it all before on this sub, inner game etc etc, but after experiencing it myself I can say that this is in fact the most important thing.

An opening line is just a great way to 'get your foot in the door' conversationally. Even if you use an opener like "Hey, what are you guys celebrating?" and it falls flat, it doesn't matter. Now you're talking to them. There's a million ways to go after that ice is broken, but you need that opener to break the ice.

There's a bunch of openers that Neil Strauss mentions in The Game, things like "I just got a dog and need to name it after a 90s band, what would you name it?" or things like that. Those work, but I personally don't like them because they feel contrived. I prefer to observe the group and see if I can pick up on something to talk to them about or something from the environment. Just make sure you ask a question.

For example, let's say you're at a mall. Here's some examples:

BAD Guy: Hey, don't you just love those Mrs. Field's cookies? Girl: Um, yeah?

GOOD: Guy: Oh my god, do you have Mrs. Field's cookies right now? Girl: Uh, no? Guy: Damn I could swear I smelled them over here. That shit's like crack, right? Girl: Haha yeah I know, I always have to avoid that part of the mall when I come here. (and you're off)

Hope this helps.

2013-11-28T04:07:20+00:00

don't think just do, things like this are only as awkward as you make them out to be

icyhotpatch · 2013-11-28T06:36:39+00:00

I have found it is not weird unless you make it so. People just want to have a good time so bring a good time and you are in. It can depend on the environment; a library, a club, the gym, ect. But for example Let's say it is a packed bar. There is a group of people and you want to join. Walk over, stand there, don't interrupt but make yourself part of the group. Someone will be talking and people may look at you but whatever. When they finish, anyone who looked over say "hi, I'm _______, you looked like fun people and I wanted to join" or whatever and contribute. Introduce yourself, have fun and talk to everyone. Leave of you feel you need to. You are only "that guy" if you make it so. More likely than not you can bring something to "that group".

1vibe · 2013-11-28T07:59:25+00:00

In my view, 'That guy' is the one who persists where he is unwanted. Try interjecting into a convo but rolling off immediately unless invited to join the dialog (ie they reply favorably to your remark, laugh or ask u a question).

ithearrow · 2013-11-28T00:05:44+00:00

What kind of environement are we talkinga about? School? mall? club? You need to find a way to add value to the conversation. People want value givers not takers.

recyclablebantha · 2013-11-29T11:00:59+00:00

Sometimes when there are a group of people that are all talking and seem like they would be fun to join. But I just can't do it without feeling like that douche bag that butts in awkwardly; it's not just with girls either, just people in general.

Work on your observation skills: the best way to seamlessly join a group of people is to be attentive and share an observation with them about the experience they are having right at that moment. It works for girls or mixed groups.

I've used it constantly while out by myself and I've been adopted by groups of people I didn't know before that night, several times.

The other key thing is that you have to be cool with having fun by yourself. If you're honestly not okay with being alone, then it'll come off that way in your approach: they'll feel that you need something, rather than being the guy who brings something to the table. It can help if you just make it your goal to share a thought or whatever, without any intention to stay....... while still being flexible to see where it goes.

ML00211 · 2013-11-29T19:02:11+00:00

1 tidbit: Always come in with a little higher energy than the group, then as they accept you, tone it down.

Title	How to join a conversation without being "that guy"?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	30
Comments	9
Date	November 27, 2013 11:38 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1rlxkr/how_to_join_a_conversation_without_being_that_guy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-join-a-conversation-without-being-that-guy.1362170 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362170

Comments

1 tidbit: Always come in with a little higher energy than the group, then as they accept you, tone it down.