How to overcome shame

One_Cranberry4321 · 2025-04-09T20:52:57+00:00

I still can’t do the whole approach stuff but once I was on a train and had a really nice chat with a girl and (apparently her mom). In the end, I asked for her number and she gave it to me. It was the first (and yet only) time in my life I did it. She was extremely beautiful, fun and educated and we laughed a lot.

I texted her when I got home and suggested meeting the next day. She didn’t respond. Next evening, I texted again saying that if she just doesn’t like me she can tell it straight away. She just told she was busy helping mom and told she would be able to meet next day either as she has a job.

I thanked her and wished good luck. The whole thing was in a different city so I just decided not to bother her anymore.

What did I learn from that story? It’s better not to text girl again if she doesn’t respond. In the worst case scenario, she really just didn’t like you but that doesn’t mean you did something wrong or there’s something wrong with you. This just happens. Even if you did, it just shows you liked the girl a lot (which was indeed in my case) and didn’t want to miss her. That was a little embracing when she told me she was just busy but I still was myself.

I think she probably forgot the whole situation and so did I. It’s not a good feeling but there’s nothing wrong with you. You just liked the girl and maybe she was busy or just didn’t like you back as much. That’s life and this happens to everyone. If she’s indeed, that says more about herself than you but I don’t really think that’s the case honestly

W1seW0lf · 2025-04-09T22:23:15+00:00

Nothing wrong with shooting your shot man. You opened really well, closed it great as well, there really isn’t anything to be ashamed of; you had the balls to make an approach and that is respectable in its own right! People have an endless list of reasons why they didn’t respond, and not one of them really matters all that much when you break them down. In order to fight the feeling of shame, count up all the things you did right, and praise yourself for that. Don’t ruminate on what went wrong, especially the stuff that’s 100% out of your control. Learn from what went wrong, celebrate your successes, make adjustments, and keep trying. Consistency builds confidence, and that’s what most people find attractive anyway. Hit that ShopRite up more now, and just go about your day like her not following through with you never affected you a bit. Don’t be rude, say hi if you happen to see her, but no need to dwell on the past by going out of your way to talk to her or hiding out of shame. It happened, and honestly, regardless of the results, you’re a better man for the approach. Count it as a win my man

becomesharp · 2025-04-09T22:42:58+00:00

yeah dude, u/W1seW0lf is spot on. You should be proud of yourself. You just did something that 98% of the male population cant do. The feelings of shame are common, but not correct.

She isnt laughing at you with her friends. That's not what happens when a girl isn't interested unless she's an absolute MONSTER. My SO gets hit on all the time and she never laughs at the guys when she tells me about it. Granted, she's a coach, so she's more empathetic than most, but it's just not really a very common thing.

At the end of the day, what happened here has essentially zero negative impact on your life. It's like it never happened. She's not going to even remember this in a few weeks. None of this matters and there are no consequences here that are going to affect your life.

Remind yourself every day that the only thing that happened here was that you mustered up the courage to do something that almost no man can do. Be proud of yourself. We're proud of you.

Western-Month-3877 · 2025-04-09T23:02:54+00:00

I ended up texting her a third time just to apologize for everything and for putting her in a weird spot. I sent her a paragraph where I told her she was just so beautiful, that she was my type, and that I’d really love to take her out.

The famous rule of no double texting is a solid advice in general. What I always do is I text and wait. That’s it. There’s nothing else you can do to make her read and/ or reply your text ASAP. If she hasn’t read it, she will. If she won’t read or reply, your next texts won’t change her mind.

Lesson learned and move on. Good thing that you feel embarrassed that means you have a good self-awareness and there’s room for improvement . Some guys don’t have that. They don’t even know what they did wrong and always believe their intense/aggressive text game is top notch.

FriendlyWrenChilling · 2025-04-10T02:20:19+00:00

I dont think you did anything wrong in the approach other than waiting till the next day to text her and closing before hook point. Usually once I end my session or whatever I'm doing, I'll text her. Somewhere 3 to 4 hours later. See my post on texting

For hook point, "game" is only on once hook point occurs, anything before that is just a numbers game. You want to develop a spidey sense for hook point so you dont waste time on girls who dont even like you in the first place. See my post on outer game for that

To put it together, use my daygame post as the framework.

For the shame and embarrassment part, it's normal. We do things poorly and sometimes I even do an akward or shitty approach and feel a little embarrassed. Just move on, its already happened and you're just ruminating in the past. But if it was relaly traumatic for you, you can use my techniques in my self love post to cure yourself.

MysteryLiezer · 2025-04-10T05:21:23+00:00

Build resilience by forcing it to happen a few more times!

Odd-Luck7658 · 2025-04-10T09:56:08+00:00

Nothing to be embarrassed about. Hit hard and keep pushing. She's not laughing. She's flattered.

the_tortured_monk · 2025-04-14T21:49:37+00:00

I've done this loads of times. If you can forget it and move on and not regret it, it'll work out.

Title	How to overcome shame
Author	Impressive-Engineer9
Upvotes	8
Comments	12
Date	April 9, 2025 8:23 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1jvfsoq/how_to_overcome_shame/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-to-overcome-shame.1549107 https://theredarchive.com/post/1549107

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