Here's the video version if you don't want to read:

https://youtu.be/j44hoOEH2b8?si=Fvl-877XM_na_LSI

Summary

This post is about how to ACTUALLY pass "s*** tests"—interactions where a woman tests a man's confidence or character through certain statements or questions. I challenge the common belief that men must pass these tests by responding exactly as the woman desires to gain attraction or approval. Instead, I argue that this entire mindset—trying to "pass" such tests to please the woman—is itself a form of being tested (a meta-s*** test), where you are trapped within the woman’s frame.

The core message is that the key to handling these so-called tests is not to play by the woman’s rules or expectations, but to respond authentically and confidently according to your own desires and personality. By not caring about pleasing her or passing her test, a man signals genuine confidence, congruence, and non-neediness, which are the real qualities women are looking for.

Key Insights

  • Passing a test "to her liking" is itself a meta-s*** test. This means that trying to respond in a way that pleases the woman still places you inside her frame, giving her opinion more weight than your own.

  • Most "sh tests" are simply misunderstandings or triggers of insecurity.

  • Not looking for or expecting these tests actually makes most of them disappear. When you stop anticipating or obsessing over tests, you stop triggering the insecurity that prompts them.

  • The focus should be on responding how you want to respond, not how you think she wants you to respond.

  • If a woman says something weird or unexpected, it’s okay to admit confusion or call it out lightly without defensiveness or trying to be cool/alpha/witty. Trying too hard to not come across needy and reactive is itself needy and reactive. It usually comes across as performative and unnatural.

  • Women care very little about the actual words said and much more about what those words signal about your confidence and frame.

  • Not caring about her approval or opinions signals abundance and confidence more than any rehearsed "cool" line could.

  • Responding authentically, even if it means not having a perfect answer, shows congruence and security in yourself—key traits that women seek.

  • Your own frame is more important than trying to conform to the woman’s expectations.

Detailed Explanation

The common mindset most men have is that they must pass "s*** tests" by responding in ways that make the woman like them more in some way. This is better than freezing up or acting unconfident, but this mindset itself is a trap. It means you value her opinion more than your own and are responding to fit into her frame, rather than being true to yourself.

When you try to be witty, confident, and unaffected for the sole purpose of passing a test, you are signaling that you care too much about how the woman perceives you. This is a form of insecurity and neediness. Instead, the ideal approach is to not care what she thinks and respond however you want.

When I stopped looking for these tests, they stopped appearing basically overnight. The majority of the time, what men interpret as s*** tests are really just random comments or questions from women that trigger your insecurities. By no longer expecting or fearing tests, men stop reacting emotionally and trying to prove themselves. The act of trying to prove oneself, also known as qualifying, is a signal that you believe you are below the woman. Therefore, the act of trying to pass a “test* in a way that specifically satisfies the woman signals that you believe you are beneath her in some way.

What women are actually looking for is congruence (your words and behavior align with your true self) and confidence. One of the best ways to demonstrate these is to show that you do not care about pleasing her or passing a test.

Here's some examples of how to handle weird or unexpected statements from women:

  • Simply say you don’t know how to respond.

  • Call out the statement as weird or unusual in a lighthearted way.

  • Flip the question back to her (WITHOUT defensiveness).

  • Just move on to the next topic without overthinking.

Women give very little importance to the exact words spoken, but give a lot of importance to what the words SIGNAL about your confidence and frame.

Practical Advice / Recommendations

  • Stop looking for or expecting "s*** tests." This mindset causes unnecessary insecurity, self-consciousness and overthinking.

  • Respond authentically and confidently, exactly how you want. Don’t tailor your responses to please or impress her. You have your beliefs and opinions, you are who you are, so show her.

  • If you don’t know how to respond, say so honestly.

  • If she says something odd, call it out in a lighthearted way or ask her to explain rather than trying to craft a perfect answer.

  • Remind yourself that your own opinion of you matters more than her opinion of you.

  • Cultivate a mindset of abundance—know that you don’t need her approval to feel confident and that if she doesn’t like you, there are other women who will.

Core Concepts

  • Frame: The perspective or mental framework from which you operate. Here, it refers to whose opinion you prioritize—your own or the woman’s.

  • Congruence: Alignment between one’s words, actions, and true self. Women seek congruence in men because they are always trying to find out what your real value is.

  • Abundance mentality: A mindset stemming from not needing validation, sex, or approval from any specific woman.

  • Meta-s*** test: A higher-level test that evaluates if you fall into the woman’s frame by trying to pass her tests.

Conclusion

Men need a paradigm shift in how they perceive and respond to s*** tests from women. Instead of trying to pass these tests by playing into the woman’s expectations, men should stop expecting tests altogether and respond with authentic confidence, prioritizing their own frame over the woman’s. This approach not only reduces insecurity and overthinking, but actually signals the confidence and non-neediness that women find attractive. The main takeaway is that not caring about pleasing a woman or passing her tests is the ultimate way to pass them.