I don't drink...help.

ChemicalRascal · 2012-09-08T03:35:13+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Pollyanna584 · 2012-09-08T05:06:03+00:00

If it's an issue for you, then it's an issue for her. If it's not, then it's not; so stop treating it like an issue!

"Would you like a drink? I'm going to get myself a (whatever the fuck you drink). What would you like?"

HB: "You don't drink alcohol?"

You: "Nope. Just not for me, but please don't be one of those people who freaks out and feels weird about drinking around me; I don't want to have to hate you, we were just getting close."

HB: "Oh really now? I wouldn't want you to hate me!" laughs "I'd like a (insert girly beverage)"

You: "Please...."

HB: smiling "Please!"

You: "What is it with these (make generalisations about her. eg: artistic, music-loving) girls having no manners? I'll have to train you out of that" shit eating grin

kazagistar · 2012-09-08T07:31:59+00:00

I dont drink either.

It is not a problem. I assume you have a good reason for not drinking? That is a positive character trait: sticking to your values even if they run counter to societal norms. Really, it is a question of framing. She will problably be more worried about (1) what you will think of her if she does chose to drink, how you judge drunk people, etc, and (2) why you chose a BAR as a venue if you dont drink. You need to know who you are, why you chose to do what you do, why you CHOSE to hang out with a girl who drinks, why YOU are OK with it, why YOU decide to go to bars.

And you don't have to just straight up tell her, it really should not be that big of a deal. You do what you want to do, and if she asks or acts wierd about it, you can answer with humor or what have you. Just don't be making excuses, your goal is to have fun and get to know her and help her get to know you, not to "act as is expected".

throwdownunder · 2012-09-08T17:38:29+00:00

Hi Manbear67. I also do not drink. And I was a virgin until I was 24. I've also taken a pickup class and I'll give you my number one takeaway:

DO NOT APOLOGIZE FOR THINGS THAT ARE IMPORTANT TO YOU.

I've give the "Why don't you drink" answer in basically every way: from jokes, to the honest detailed truth and everything in between. Girls (and all people, really) are like giant antennas. They pickup whatever you broadcast. If you act ashamed of yourself, they're going to be ashamed to be around you. If you are uncomfortable with yourself, they're going to be twice as uncomfortable.

It sounds like you have a healthy attitude about not drinking: IE, you don't judge other people, you aren't uptight about it. This is obviously something you've spent a lot of time thinking about in your life. If you didn't have conviction, you wouldn't abstain from alcohol. I'm the same way.

As a child, I was insanely cynical. I was "too cool" to do sports, drugs, drink, be nice to people or do basically anything I wasn't already good at. I thought drinking was just a way for people to get dumber and ignore the problems in their lives. I wanted to always be right, always be smart and if there were problems in my live, I didn't want alcohol to mask them. Except, my real problem was that I was never vulnerable. I didn't connect with people. And I made no effort to expand my mind and accept people into my reality. I thought I was the smartest, and that anyone who disagreed with me was just dumber than me, and had nothing to teach me.

Eventually I finished school and in a few years I had accomplished several of my life goals. I had a good job, I owned a home, I had great and hilarious friends. Being cynical about everything, having a constant negative attitude about all new things by default, was starting to be a lot of work. I just didn't have the energy for it all anymore. It was a dilemma. Up until this point, I had explicitly identified myself as a cynic. That was the actual word I used for my identity. Then one day, I heard Conan O'Brien, signing off of the Tonight Show. His largest piece of advice was "never be cynical." This was a pivotal moment for me. It made me realize that I had wasted A LOT of time being negative. Tearing things down, or not giving them a chance to succeed, just because I enjoyed feeling superior or I wanted to be "right." So I let it go. I started reprogramming my brain to look for the good in new ideas and new people, and to assume that everyone I met had something to teach me.

I toyed with the idea of drinking alcohol. After all, vulnerability was something I clearly needed more of in my life. Having a beer with someone is a great way to connect. A bottle of wine is a great way to be intimate. And your favorite drink communicates a lot about how you see yourself. In the end though, I couldn't do it. Alcohol could help some of my problems, sure. But drinking just to connect with someone would be a little disingenuous. And it doesn't communicate nearly as much about who I am as the fact that I've never had a drop of alcohol.

So I still don't drink. But now, when people ask, I tell them this story. I explain how I had to grow up and let a big part of my identity go because it was getting in the way of being happy. Now, I don't always tell the full story. It's a little much if I've only just met a person. But I don't joke about it like I used to, and I always try to give more detail than feels safe. Because getting to know people is about being vulnerable. And if I want to get to know someone, I should be the one to go first.

Now, I don't usually bring up alcohol out of the blue. Because really, for me, drinking is not a big deal. If someone asks if I want a beer, I'll usually mention that I don't drink. If they ask why, I'll say, giving details to match the relationship with that person. Most girls I've been on dates with haven't ordered alcohol, either following my lead or maybe just one of those habits girls have to have to avoid being taken advantage of.

Your story may not be as painful. That's fine. But the fact that you don't drink says a lot about you. Be proud of it. Every first date is an opportunity to share that piece of yourself with someone else. Every time I do, the process of expression gives me new insight into myself.

So what if she's weirded out? Well, first of all, she probably won't be, provided that you aren't. Most girls go with the flow and won't make a big deal out of something unless you prompt them to. On the off chance that she does freak out about you not drinking alcohol, or she can't picture herself in a relationship that doesn't revolve around alcohol, then, well, she's not the girl for you. You're not (and you shouldn't) change yourself for her sake. That would be inauthentic and wouldn't get you what you wanted anyway.

I've had girls stop drinking for me. I've had girls avoid drinking when they were around me. I even asked a girlfriend to stop drinking for me, and she did. I also had a girl cancel a date because she was hung over.

tl;dr: Be confident about the fact that you don't drink.

2012-09-08T06:51:00+00:00

Just buy her a drink and yourself a coke. Don't even mention it. If she asks just say you don't drink much and are driving, so you're chillin. (drive).

fr33runner · 2012-09-08T04:47:34+00:00

I wouldn't worry about that you don't drink. Just tell her you don't I doubt she would find it as a turn off. It might even work in your favor. I drink but have friends who don't drink and they still enjoying going out to bars and club in as much as those of us that do. Just have fun and relax.

bluecardin · 2012-09-08T08:40:53+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Sniper_Extreme · 2012-09-08T19:45:45+00:00

Hey OP, it's good to see that I'm not the only guy in the world that doesn't drink lol. Anyways I guess the best policy is to just be honest. Bring it up when you're cycling through topics to talk to her about, when you guys are done talking about something else, bring it up. If you can, try to give yourself a little story as to why you don't do it and make a small joke about how ironic it is that the two of you are in a bar when you don't even drink.

I'm sure she won't be turned off or annoyed. If she is, then you don't want to date her anyways!

2012-09-10T03:35:15+00:00

[permanently deleted]

brjohns994 · 2012-09-08T05:36:43+00:00

You can have a coke in your hand as easily as a drink...

everyoneismyfriend · 2012-09-08T08:24:45+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	I don't drink...help.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	16
Comments	24
Date	September 8, 2012 3:26 AM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/zjhal/i_dont_drinkhelp/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-dont-drinkhelp.1338910 https://theredarchive.com/post/1338910

Comments