I don't get the process, what am I doing wrong?

singlecellfromearth · 2019-04-19T18:55:33+00:00

Hmm, maybe picture? Or a video of you walking? The way you move about your environment might be the cause.

I'm 33, but everyone tells me I look much younger, this is probably because I'm Asian and kind of baby-faced. But is that the problem? That I'm Asian? Do I live in a racist city? I live in Austin, which is fairly liberal, so I thought people would be more open to other races/cultures.

I'm in a similar boat as you; 31, Asian, live in the Bay Area (but I live more around the white neighborhoods than the Asian ones) and I have found that people are very open to other races/cultures. I realized this only about last year as I took a more proactive approach in bettering myself and started meeting more people who weren't Asian.

Also by the way, eye contact is a very nuanced game. I get a lot of eye contact in normal day-to-day, but key thing to note is that I don't go around ATTEMPTING TO MAKE EYE CONTACT with people. It may be that you are giving off the wrong kind of vibe. I believe that going about your day, you have to use your peripheral vision a lot more. You look directly at where you are going, where you have to navigate space, and IF you sense someone looking your way, it is your choice to look back at them. I have told my friends before that they need to make more eye contact, but it didn't work for them because they were establishing it improperly. You don't go hunting for it. You go about your day, you scan your your environment like a normal human being. Flirting is kind of like a game... you can't force everyone to play it with you. You want to learn to see who is open to playing the game with you.

My coworker was talking about a "friend" of hers that came by an office party and how he was kind of creepy. When I asked her to explain, it was because every time she looked at him, he looked back at her and smiled. Not understanding, I told her that it was polite. Then she pointed out that she'll look at me when we work together, I let her look, I don't meet her gaze every time. It made me realize that there has to be a balance between giving eye contact and coming on too strong.

I was very redundant but its a Friday and I'm lazy, good luck buddy!

getyourlifeplease · 2019-04-19T19:18:57+00:00

Giving you the F side here...

Various threads and videos mention eye contact can lead to a good approach, but literally I get eye contact from no one, it's like people go out of their way to avoid me, like I'm homeless

There is flirty eye contact and there is glaring. Flirty contact is just that - quick, smile, hi or head nod, and see where it goes. Glaring is the creepy version - dead set extended stare into someones eyes...very uncomfortable. You need to make sure you are doing the flirt kind.

Then I see advice on just something simple like approaching and saying "Hi, how are you?" might work. That just leads to women saying Hi back and then keep walking, possibly even faster away. Or a couple of times, it was just "fuck off".

This has to do with logistics and timing. If Im walking to a location, and you look at me smiling and say "hi" - most likely Ill say hi back and keep it moving. Not stopping or doing a double take means I was busy, or busy and not attracted to you. If you are approaching in an awkward way or putting out a vibe that makes them uncomfortable, they will keep walking. If you approach women they are busy (headphones on...with a group of friends...laptop, etc) and keep attemtping to force a convo when they are physically busy (meaning you see they are) - again, they may get hostile and toss out the ",fuck off". That is why beinf self aware and recognizing the location and timing is SO important.

In videos, I see people approaching single girls just standing/sitting around. Yet every time I go out, all the women are either with some guy, or like a gaggle of women with shields up.

Refer to previous paragraph...but it really is down to APPROACH TECHNIQUE! If your approach and vibe is awkward the response you get will most likely be negative. Thats not what you want. There really is an art to the approach and yes first impressions do make or break your situation.

My coworkers and friends all tell me I'm a really funny guy and fun to hang out with, so I don't think it's personality issue.

Of course they do. They are your friends! They wont give you the real deal...as they are there to help. But if they say you are a great guy, but the women outside of your friends circle arent giving you attention - then there is a GAP in your reality. I encourage you to maybe post pics...give specific scenarios where you approached and were unsuccessful or rejected - to give us an ides of where you may be dropping the ball

DaRockLobster · 2019-04-19T22:56:46+00:00

Dude, I live in the Austin area and go out twice every weekend. Hell, I am going out to 6th street with a friend to game tonight.

I am not a pickup god, but I am probably at a solid intermediate level. If you want to game some time, shoot me a DM on reddit.

Little_shaqs · 2019-04-19T19:10:24+00:00

No luck and you live in austin thats insane dude 💀😱 I live in the austin area theres tons of places to meet people How often do you go out ?

WIA20XX · 2019-04-19T20:59:28+00:00

Who says you need to make eye contact?

What do you open with?

------ a deeper analysis -

Without seeing you actually try to pull, my guess is that -

You don't know what you're doing.
You aren't comfortable in what you're doing.
You're lack of knowledge and lack of comfort leads to poor body language.
Those lead to poor first impressions.
You are depending on immediately good first impressions to be okay with proceeding.

That entire mindset leads to poor decisions and poor unconscious behavior that gives poor results. And it builds on itself the worse you do, the more you get frustrated.

As far as being Asian goes (Or Indian, or Middle Eastern), that's something you need to talk to an Asian coach in America about. An open forum like this, people who don't really share your cultural experience can't speak to the cultural specifics.

WhatsReddit123456 · 2019-04-19T21:23:17+00:00

You're having trouble getting dates from asian girls?

Title	I don't get the process, what am I doing wrong?
Author	HelpMeHelpSelf
Upvotes	1
Comments	10
Date	April 19, 2019 6:36 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/bf2mfy/i_dont_get_the_process_what_am_i_doing_wrong/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-dont-get-the-process-what-am-i-doing-wrong.1466868 https://theredarchive.com/post/1466868

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