I dont understand this anymore...

22M here, im single and tired of not being able to pull anyone home around my age. I have a good social life, balanced work life, i do well, im educated, have my own place, my car, financially stable and independent and dress well....

I visit bars/clubs more often but im sick and tired of being pathetic and not being able to pull any girl home. I guess im so ugly, no girl would ever even want to dance/ grind on me... soon as i try anything.... they move away but are usually receptive of my friends. I say girls around my age who I like because I have much older fwbs like in their mid to high 40s which i pulled from dating apps (- so much of it wasnt even in person approach) who are usually tired of guys in their life and sick of being treated bad.... and I just fall in because im “cute and nice and funny and smart and skilled in bed” to them.

But I don’t want this. I want to casually get someone around my age. Y’all will hate me when i say this - but i like the fit, skinny, slim petite, young body on girls and beautiful young faces. Girls repel me like insane. I dont come off as desperate and try making a chill talk, take interest in them, usually make it a low pressure situation and talk, which they appreciate and like but then nothing comes off it. I usually don’t carry expectations of taking anyone home but when i see my friends kiss/dance or pull someone home randomly, that shit hurts and I want to become desperate and make something happen for me...

What is wrong with me?? Why am i so ugly??

Edit - Was just frustrated and looking for advice.

[–]Hiking_NZ 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]wooptydo223[S] 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]Dracron 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

This is what you're out there to do. It sucks and it hurts. You still think you carry no expectations, but as long as it hurts afterwards you're still carrying expectations or gaining them as you're watching your friends. There's a reason why we say to do 100 approaches.

Somewhere along the line of doing 100 you will inevitably get bored and tired of the inner BS, but not til after you've been rejected alot. Once you get to that point you start experimenting with things that sound fun in your approaches. The goal is for it to feel natural to you when you approach. If you talk to a girl and you start getting nervous that this one'll turn you down or even not show an IOI, then you're still not there yet.

This is like a seduction workout. No Pain, No Gain. Hang in there bud it will happen. Also, if you're getting the older ladies your home game is probably good. So, you just need to work on the approaches and you will get what your looking for.

[–]wooptydo223[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for the kind words. Im not sure what it is - like i dont pause to think what ill say is good enough or not - i just say it! Like as with many people have mentioned on here, dont stop to think, but my mind just goes blank many times, yet i force it to carry on conversations by asking more questions and getting replies in return.

I just think its the part that - i cant “talk the talk” or “game” correctly, but otherwise im good? But the rejections are real and at first I expected it so it didnt hurt that bad......

The older ladies i get are usually from dating apps who usually talk to anyone at that point - just so happens i keep em interested enough longer for them to just click with me. But same for the girls my age - rarely any matches on any apps....so im trying the in person approach.

[–]Dracron 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

Well, there's a difference between letting your mind be blank and working on impulses. It's not about not thinking, it's really about reacting quickly, but all that comes with practice and honestly, just blurting stuff can work out you just got to refine what your blurting out. I have a friend that has extremely good luck with absolutely vulgar stuff. I, personally, could not get away with that. Of course, listen to what she's saying, and when you got something you can relate with her about talk with her about it. What you really want to do is to reach a flow state where the conversation just exists between you and her, and again it comes with practice and relaxation.

One of the things you're doing with the approaches is also learning what material works for you and what doesn't. You probably don't know what your good stuff is, which is why you're practicing and at the same time why you're stumbling. Stories are a good way to relate with people, so if they make you think of a good story that either happened to you or you heard and remember pretty well, thats usually good stuff, especially if its funny.

The other thing your learning is how to read girls better. You might not know all the IOI's out there and eventually you don't have to know what they all are, you just geet to know what an IOI looks like in general. Things like hair twirling and head tilting or touching you. (Touching you is a huge IOI, btw. If she likes you enough that she will to include you in her personal bubble, its probably time to take a chance of some kind, and what kind will work best will vary on so many things we cant even begin to cover it.)

With apps and girls your age, they are literally deluged with people talking to them, and they probably cant get through all the dick picks and one liners to get to you. Its really playing the lottery to try and get a response on one from anyone young and pretty.

[–]wooptydo223[S] 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Dracron 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

First, don't be putting your thoughts into her head like that, when you're doing that your shutting down that opportunity in your own mind, because you dont want to believe that she into you. It's a story your mind creates to tell yourself you dont have a real chance, because subconsciously its easier to say they have ulterior motives than to deal with the possibility of success. Our minds are weird with stuff like that.

To me it sounds like you were in the right place with her, you just need to escalate. Go for a kiss at some point, possibly isolating first or just increase the kind of touching your doing, put your arm around her. If you like dancing then do that and get slowly dirtier. When she has increased her touches that much, you should just start treating her like you're on a date. That much touching really means she's INTO you, so start treating her like it. If you're already talking ear to ear, you can easily invite her back to your place with out anyone else having to know even if they're really close. At this point now its just escalation you need and maybe you do need to learn your indicators of interest. You've already got your basic attraction at that point. With more context, now it seems the thing that frustrating you isn't that your friends are attracting them and you're not. They just know their escalation game better.

Title	I dont understand this anymore...
Author	wooptydo223
Upvotes	0
Comments	7
Date	October 20, 2019 8:32 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/dkgzbg/i_dont_understand_this_anymore/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-dont-understand-this-anymore.1481666 https://theredarchive.com/post/1481666

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