I have oneitis. Bad.

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-09-01T04:26:51+00:00

I can't stop thinking about her.

Yes, you have built up an image in your mind of everything you ever wanted in a woman, and projected it upon this poor stranger. You hardly know a thing about her, even if you have known her for a while. Your mind tricks you and makes you think she is the source of everything that will ever make you happy. That's foolish.

Even worse, you are convinced that the other guy she's dating is getting all that happiness that you deserve. But that's an illusion. You're convinced he's a scumbag and she's too good for him. But that's jealousy, he's a good enough guy that she likes him. You might like him too, if you weren't projecting your feelings onto this poor woman.

So you have become an orbiter. You hang around her, knowing you will get nothing. She talks to you about her boy crushes and who she's dating, just like she talks to her girlfriends. You have become her girlfriend.

Notice that in my description of your situation, there is only one person that is making you miserable: yourself. Stop making yourself miserable.

Read this: Kill Beatrice.

HappyJerk · 2013-09-01T15:31:50+00:00

OP, I'm in the same boat. I went on a few dates with this chick, made out, almost fucked (I screwed it up), etc..., then I slipped up and did some alpha move and now she won't return my calls. Such is life. I'm in break up hell right now even though we weren't even dating that closely. I don't know if anything I can say is of any help, but I can try.

1) You feel awful because she rejected you. Rejection anxiety is your body's natural reaction to being rejected - humans evolved to lose our appetite and sleep and to go into deep rumination mode whenever the tribe rejected us so that we could figure out what we were doing wrong and fix it. So use your rejection anxiety to improve yourself - go to the gym, pick up a hobby, etc...

2) To soften the blow of rejection anxiety, you need to reject HER. I'm not saying call her and tell her to fuck off, but you need to symbolically remove her from your life completely. Delete her number, unfriend her, whatever you need to do to get her out of your life. And then don't take her back when she comes crawling back cuz she'll do that to you again.

3) Start meeting other girls. I know its gonna be hard - none of them will be like the one that got away. But at least they will occupy some portion of your thoughts and you can slowly clear out the old thoughts and let the new ones in.

ixronny96 · 2013-09-01T09:40:00+00:00

I know that feeling too well dude. Hopefully watching this will help. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdnYedTpToA&feature=youtube_gdata_player And also this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YNovswAlmio&feature=youtube_gdata_player

ex0th3rmic · 2013-09-01T04:17:02+00:00

I've had it with my first gf, who I also lost my virginity to. We went out for maybe 7 months, and I was legit a WRECK after we broke up. I didn't eat much, didn't give shits about college, and just feeling sorry for myself. I was continuing this pathetic phase until I got into this subreddit and simplepickup. Since then, I've gotten in shape and quit feeling sorry for myself.

If you're of age or "know somebody," I recommend having a drinking night with some friends. You can talk to them, and it'll ease your social interactions, making it easier to explain how you feel. This is what really did it for me, but I don't know if it's for everyone. And for the love of God, please drink responsibly.

YetzirahToAhssiah · 2013-09-01T04:36:49+00:00

Damn man, I had this same situation happen with a girl, she was into me, went out on a date, we kissed... and then nothing. I think I demonstrated over-investment to her, trying to hard while texting, etc.

It sucked, I was into her, wanted to keep dating her. But oh well. I went out the other night and met some more beautiful women, got a number. Which hopefully will congeal into a date.

holographic_meatloaf · 2013-09-01T03:35:00+00:00

Infatuation phase. No one is as cool as they seem. 15 years ago Jenny McCarthy was one of the most desired women in the country. Now her stupidity overrules her looks any day.

jdilla33 · 2013-09-01T08:32:22+00:00

Go up to her and tell her you want to sleep with her. When and IF she rejects you, your brain will get the point across that she doesn't like you and you'll be free.

Gr8WhiteGrammarNazi · 2013-09-01T13:18:27+00:00

Get out there trying to fuck someone else. Simple as that, unfortunately. The advice that you should "change your thoughts" is idealistic, at best.

Title	I have oneitis. Bad.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	33
Comments	20
Date	September 1, 2013 3:30 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1lhzd2/i_have_oneitis_bad/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/i-have-oneitis-bad.1357771 https://theredarchive.com/post/1357771

Comments