Hi guys. I speak at you with heart in hand, sincerely.
I always thought that my problems with girls came from my lack of confidence and so I decided to go to study abroad: freedom, no ties with anyone (=you can be who you want to be) etc etc but I faced on these days the reality: I suck.
After the beginning of this experience I gathered just these first impressions: no one takes me in consideration and I'm invisible in the eyes of the girls.. but for real... .
I'm again on the edge of a nervous breakdown but this time I'm alone in a foreign country.
I'm honestly really tired of that situation. I tried to change my situation and this is the most important experience and investment that I did on these years and right now I feel myself like a shit:
I'm here, 1500 km from home, I was thinking that here I could write again my life, my story, start with a blank page instead I'm here crying like a fucking child, listen my room mate fuck a drunk chick that finds him more attractive than me.
That's not just a venting, I'm so depressed but it would not have a sense to post it on /r/depression or related subreddit because I WANT CHANGE, really, but I don't know how. It's like my mind doesn't want.
My typical day here (like in my home country):
I feel good, I go out with friends and it's all okay. Then the students start to party: alcohol, a lot of great times and smile, some guys pick some chicks, I'm start to feel myself a bit inadeguate and so it starts the bad mood. Furthermore, top of the top the girls start to speak freely in front of me that there aren't attractive guys in dormitory number X (where actualy I live).
It's a fuck situation.
Put together that I don't feel loved, the girl that I like speak about other guys (this is cool, this is good looking...), that I'm here with a lot of expectations and that I'm invisible to the girls' eyes and you can image my mood. For god sake someone help me because I'm feel terrible.