Is there such a thing as too cocky?

bore902 · 2012-01-26T12:20:21+00:00

Of course there is, it's called arrogant.

madcaesar · 2012-01-26T14:51:43+00:00

Shy & insecure < Cocky & faking confidence < Genuine confidence

That is the general scale you want to keep in mind. Often beginners will confuse being confident with having to be cocky or aggressive. This is better than being a total Beta, but it's not the ultimate goal.

True confidence makes people WANT to be around you, because you leave them better after they have interacted with you.

Confidence means being able to be funny, entertaining and interesting without putting people down or gossiping. Put downs and gossip talk is an easy way to "appear" confident, but really this shit won't work on a woman with any sort of brains and people will tire of it fast.

If you are just trying to get laid with 20 year old air heads you can get away with the fake confidence, but if you want to better yourself and truly connect with smart and quality women, you have to learn the difference between cocky and true confidence.

Part of that involves learning to read people's body language, facial expressions and moods. You have to learn how to communicate with everyone in a group and how to get the shy people engaged in a conversation. One of the best way to show you are alpha is to have command of the ENTIRE group by getting people to talk to each other, exposing interesting and fun facts about others and in general showing that you are the person others want to be like (women or men).

So bottom line is that you have to analyze how you are interacting with people and see if it all boils down to put downs and bragging, or if you are genuinely interesting and confident.

Few examples here:

Fake confident: Expresses his ideas as absolutes, ignores other people's points wants to have the last word.

True confidence: Believes in what he says, but doesn't need to convince anyone, is willing to listen as much as he speaks.

Fake confidence: Teases a girl on her appearance puts down what she's wearing to get interaction.

True confidence: Finds something genuinely interesting/appealing about a girl and comments/compliments her casually.

Fake confidence: Uses dismissive body language and condescending kino (patting people on the head, wrapping his arm around their neck etc.)

True confidence: Has a firm handshake, touches girls softly on their lower back, touches guys on their elbow as he shakes their hand.

Fake confidence: Gets too drunk and starts geting loud and obnoxious

True confidence: Drinks in moderation and handles his liqueur like a man.

I hope that gives you a general start. If you want to post a FR with specifics on what you are doing and how you are interacting I can give you a better critique.

The_Music · 2012-01-26T11:35:36+00:00

/b/? No.

I believe yes there is. You can be confident,carefree etc, but being a cocky douche happens all the time. And women will notice.

It's hard to explain, but it's like...being alpha is cool, but then theres a fine line from being alpha to being an asshole.

For example:

Walk into room, HB 9 and two HB 4 friends.

Alpha/PUA talks to all the girls, with a little more interest in the 9, and is fun and keeps up the conversation.
Douche acts like this. Taking assuming attraction WAY too literally.

yetisatan · 2012-01-26T11:58:41+00:00

If the confidence is legit then you won't be a cocky asshole.

frogma · 2012-01-26T20:00:05+00:00

madcaesar said good shit, but I also think it's completely fine to be cocky (ie: confidence and cockyness aren't mutually exclusive, though they can both be manifested differently).

It depends on your mindset. If you're actually confident, and coming from a healthy mindset, your cockiness is gonna be fully based on humor and shit like that. You can make cocky jokes without being a dick.

Whereas arrogance- while pretty damn similar- tends to come from a different mindset. Arrogance is when you show confidence/cockiness, but your mindset is coming from a place of insecurity. Sometimes other people will easily notice it (think of like a neckbeard guy talking about how he's hot shit), and other times they'll be fooled by it (think of the school quarterback talking about how he's hot shit). The simple fact that these 2 guys talk about how they're hot shit- that's the insecurity. A truly confident guy doesn't have to do that. But he can be cocky- like jokingly talking about how he's hot shit. He's doing the same thing, but you're still getting a good, positive vibe from him, as opposed to a shitty "holier-than-thou" vibe. It can be hard to stay on the "good" side of that line, and IMO it's not too important to worry about, but I think it's generally helpful to be at least a bit cocky. I think a lot of playful banter/teasing is "cocky" teasing.

You don't necessarily need to tease in the first place, or you can keep it really light or whatever, but playful bantering is fuckin awesome, especially when you're both throwing mock-insults at each other- knowing that the sexual tension is building- and at one point it gets to be too much and you gotta relieve it by making out and shit. Nothing beats that.

whatwhywhy · 2012-01-26T15:57:59+00:00

isnt cocky = too cocky ... same shit

YellowBlackbird- · 2012-01-26T16:04:54+00:00

Yeah, people who are extremely arrogant come of as insecure to me,

thyagw · 2012-01-26T16:47:49+00:00

I've noted that there's a point when a ctoo cocky person needs attention constantly, while a true confident one is naturally the center of attention, and doesn't need to act stupid to make people look at him.

indigObstacle · 2012-01-27T00:02:57+00:00

Yes. Acting cocky comes from a perception that you are not confident enough. It's like a cover up for lack of confidence. "Hmm...I'll act like I'm the absolute shit at everything, King of the World. That way she won't see how I really feel about myself," says the subconscious.

People who are truly confident and comfortable in themselves, have no need to show it off. Self confidence is not something to brag about and show others. It has nothing to do with anyone but you.

Title	Is there such a thing as too cocky?
Author	woodstock923
Upvotes	7
Comments	11
Date	January 26, 2012 10:04 AM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/oxfi7/is_there_such_a_thing_as_too_cocky/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/is-there-such-a-thing-as-too-cocky.1288239 https://theredarchive.com/post/1288239

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