I tend to be a leader as I hate indecisive behaviour. If nothing says I can't then I tend to do what I want. This makes me pretty happy but it seems that I have become an inflexible asshole as well. Most women won't tell you that you are doing it or that they hate it. They will just bail. As with most reasons women bail, they don't tend to tell you why. It is only because of a few good friends that I have learned of this shitty behaviour I harbor. I imagine I have seen other leader / alpha types doing this inflexible behaviour.

Some examples that don't get called out much:

  • Always picks the restraunt
  • Always picks the movie
  • Always picks the TV show
  • Constantly denies a very reasonable want of their partner in favor of their own want

In doing this I have lost out of connecting on a deeper level with people. I have made myself a taker even though I give quite a bit. I only give what I want to give and never give what they actually want. I take favor of what I want over others quite often. This is a bad behaviour.

Give and take

This is something that is important in most parts of a relationship or social dynamic.

If you are going to take then give back as well. If you are going to make a decision on the tv show you watch now then if someone wants to watch something later then don't constantly deny them in favor of what you want. If you only watch movies that you want to watch even if your date hates it then you are going to lose out. You will always be taking and not giving. Feels bad man.

So lately I have been giving back. I let my company pick the show even though I fucking hate watching it. Honestly I hate watching scary movies and have denied every single girl from watching one with me. I changed that the other night. Scared the piss out of me but it made her happy. She makes me happy so I should make her happy too. Give and take. Feels good man.

A solution if you are currently dating a girl and either of you are inflexible assholes. This would also be good if you or your partner are indescisive. (A friend told me this concept)

MY WAY Card

You would have a business card sized card with the words "my way" on it. When a decision has to be made for a restraunt, movie, tv show, event, whatever you either get to hold onto the card and have the other person make the choice or you get to use the card and you get to make the choice. If you, the card holder, makes the choice then you give the card to the other person.

This will:

  • Make you both take turns and eventually you wont even need the card as you will have learned the give and take thing well
  • Help you trivialize things that you thought you really wanted so that you can be more of a giving partner and not make so much out of what you wanted. This goes for both people.
  • Makes the non card holder be more decisive as they have to make the choice.

Being flexible doesn't mean you are weak. It means you are strong enough to give as well as take.