Let's discuss flakes

HappyJerk · 2014-03-17T00:30:10+00:00

The goal isn't to "deal with" flakes. Its to get her to not flake in the first place. You have to make her think that you are living a more interesting and awesome life than her so its HER responsibility to keep up with your schedule, not vice versa. If she STILL bullshits then you just cut her loose.

She sent me a text last night saying her dad wanted to treat her for all her hard work at University lately and that our plans might be a bit later than scheduled but she'd try to keep it as tight as possible to our 7pm meetup. I left it a few hours to reply and I told her it was fine as it didn't really bother me.

Wrong! You are basically saying "look my life isn't that awesome. Hanging out with you is the best part of my day so if you want to delay my life an hour it won't really matter." Even if I didn't have anything else going on and hanging out with her WAS the best part of my day AND I didn't give a fuck that she was flaking I would have texted her back "Oh you can't make it at 7? Ok, well, let's just reschedule. I'll call you this week." You want to make her think that even a few minutes after 7 is too late for you because you don't want to waste your time twiddling your thumbs. You want to make her think that you literally have another girl ready at 7:05 so if 7:00 bullshits you do the 7:05 girl. You later try to regain the power but by that time it's too late.

I wanted her to feel as though my time's valuable and that I don't tolerate flakiness or being messed around

She wasn't "messing you around" - she actually had shit to do. You flipping out on her was stupid because she couldn't change her plans with her parents. You need to just make her think "ok we couldn't hang out with time but I really, really don't have a lot of time (in general) so if you just lost a major chance with me. Maybe we can try again but i have so many other girls lined up that if you don't get me now you may have fucked yourself."

You also have to realize this; you can't TELL girls you are powerful, busy, etc... You have to SHOW them. Actions are worth a thousand words.

ThePUA_Baddie · 2014-03-17T00:31:05+00:00

Was her excuse legitimate? And was this the first invitation you gave her? Also have you met with her in real life before and if so did it go swell? Is this the first date? You literally need to provide more information if you want input on this situation. If you don't care about it then I'll answer your last question:

The way I deal with flakes is I just don't care. Literally almost all the numbers I get the girl never replies at all. Does it suck? Sure, it sucks mad dick but there's nothing I can do about it. This is when I realized that in order to avoid flakes you need to have a solid first interaction and solidify a date or meetup right then and there. Because if you rely on just getting the number and discussing all talk about a date strictly through text you're going to be in for some flakes.

recyclablebantha · 2014-03-17T11:14:33+00:00

I've had a girl flake on me tonight and i've noticed it's been happening a bit more than I'd like recently. I understand women do it all the time but it's pretty frustrating.

Firstly, some women do it all the time. But you can easily screen flakes out early on, most of the time.

Also, there may be things you're doing that scare girls off. Let's look at your example.......

So I just replied "Well let me know, if it's gonna be too late i'll make other plans". ......I said "I don't do girls who bail on plans", followed up with "Not being an ass about it just letting you know."

Yeah. These messages you sent to her show rigidity of thinking and negative attitude that will steer girls away from you. Regardless of what you intended to demonstrate, these texts transmitted insecurity and negativity.

The moment you start worrying that girls are going to flake on you, that insecurity and negativity is going to creep into your messages. Especially if you start basically asking them if they're going to flake. Showing that doubt will make girls question if they shouldn't be second-guessing their plans to meet up with you; it's just a gut reaction when dealing with insecurity.

How do you guys deal with flakes?

In a way, I don't.

When I make plans with a girl, I don't spare a thought for whether she's going to flake. If the logistics of a meet up have been set, I don't revisit logistics unless circumstances come up that require it. I assume she's going to not going to cancel. I also agree with HappyJerk: When a girl starts making noises like she might not be able to make a meet-up, it's a good idea to just re-schedule with her and make other plans.

Also, I make it a habit to plan things for a date, that I'd want to do, even if they can't come. The idea is that you should be planning to do something awesome and oh yeah, she can join if she wants to but either way, you're going.

If she does cancel without a valid reason, I next her. If she's not a member of my circle of friends, I usually delete her number and any contact info of hers that I have. If I do maintain any contact with her (because she's in my circle of friends or whatever), I consider a flake to be friend-zoned. She's now one of the guys for me: target of arm-punches and "Hey buddy". I might talk to her about other girls I'm dating, and so on. And I certainly don't prioritize such a girl again.

If she cancels for something valid, I give her another chance. If she makes a habit of it, I cut her out without hesitation.

Title	Let's discuss flakes
Author	Ru5k0
Upvotes	8
Comments	7
Date	March 16, 2014 10:30 PM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/20l11l/lets_discuss_flakes/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lets-discuss-flakes.1367669 https://theredarchive.com/post/1367669

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