Losing face due to forgetfulness?

MARSpu · 2011-11-01T16:38:34+00:00

Nicknames. Shit works.

DarkcoderUK · 2011-11-01T16:54:35+00:00

My advice may not apply to you because I live in Japan, thus I'm probably given more slack with regard to forgetting everyone's names. But remembering Japanese names is pretty difficult, considering the alphabet is almost twice as long, and I didn't grow up hearing these names all the time, so hearing new names is similar to hearing a bunch of random letters.

When being told a new name, I almost always associate their name with something else and use it as a nickname. For example, the Japanese name きりこ(kiriko) was difficult for me to remember, but it's similar to the Japanese word for cutting きります(kirimasu), so I gave her the nickname はさみちゃん(hasami chann), or scissor girl. But in many cases, you can abbreviate Japanese names to just the first character, so it may help to ask them for a nickname if their name is just too difficult(often the case when I hear Chinese names!).

But I guess your question is more likely to be about hearing names you already know, and how to associate them with someone? If you're talking to just one person then it can be difficult, I recall having to ask someone what their name was about 6 times because I just couldn't remember it (もとこ(motoko)) to save my life, but as long as you don't make it seem like a big deal then it shouldn't be. You could also add them on Facebook or something, that way you can later remind yourself.

If you're in a group then you can always ask one person what another person's name is. If you do it right then it can be pretty funny, for example: if you're saying some sentence and need to say one of their names, you can lean in to another and whisper 'what's his/her name again?', then step back and say their name and continue as if nothing happened, and next time you need a name you can do the exact same gesture and they should instantly know what you're doing without having to say anything.

Another 'routine' I've done on 4+ people groups is to just remember one name, and just refer to everyone as their friend, if they ever ask why you only remember the one name then I say 'I only ever remember the names of girls I like'. But I've only done this because I really didn't remember the rest of their names.

reyawaworht · 2011-11-01T17:19:08+00:00

I have trouble with this too. ANYONE who meets a lot of people will have trouble with this, you SHOULD have trouble with this. Honestly, the best thing to do is to not worry about it.

Think about this - when you go to a bar, and someone comes up to YOU that you knew and forgets your name, what do you think? Do you think "What an asshat, I can't believe he/she forgot me?" or do you think "Well, he/she might just be a busy person who meets a lot of people?". Probably the latter. Even if you had a long conversation with someone, I find it's generally not expected that you will remember their name unless you've hung out more than once and really connected on both occasions.

Of course, it's still NICE if you remember their name in most cases. But I don't think it's enough of a major impact to really worry about.

2011-11-01T17:08:56+00:00

I wouldn't even worry about it at all. There's a girl in a bar I go to often that I have opened on like 3-4 times within a month or two, lol. I kept forgetting I met her, thinking "she's cute, I should talk to her" and doing so. So what? Yeah, I have no chance w/ her now, but there are tons of others. She was never mean about it, either. Esp. in bars, you get a lotta slack cuz everyone assumes you're drunk whether you are or not.

And if you don't remember a girl, she may be even more intent on giving you something to remember. It also shows you're busy, meet a lot of people, and hence can't remember everyone.

2011-11-01T16:08:04+00:00

Add them on facebook... when their name + face pops up on your feed it is effortless revision.

evanafter · 2011-11-02T00:51:03+00:00

When I first meet people in a large group, I introduce myself and get their names. I make sure to shake their hand and repeat their name. Once everyone's been introduced, I go back around the circle and repeat everyone's name as quickly as I can. It usually works. If I forget someone, I'll put my hand on her shoulder and ask her playfully to help me out - when she acts mock offended I smile and apologize saying that their eyes/smile/lips/whatever was just too distracting the first time.

2011-11-03T14:57:02+00:00

My problem is that girls will tell me their names and I'll forget within seconds.

I'm starting to think there's something to the whole "PUA name" thing though (ala Mystery, Style, etc).

I've got a VERY common first name, and so I think I'd prefer something a little more memorable, but I don't want to introduce myself as something douchey.

Sadly, I actually do have a catchy nickname in my social circle, but I can't introduce myself to girls with it because it would terrify them. Proper context for it would be a 30 minute discussion and it would still be borderline.

Title	Losing face due to forgetfulness?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	3
Comments	10
Date	November 1, 2011 2:36 PM UTC (14 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/lwg0e/losing_face_due_to_forgetfulness/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/losing-face-due-to-forgetfulness.1324497 https://theredarchive.com/post/1324497

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