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[–]boot_leg_therapy 157 points158 points159 points 6 years ago (20 children) | Copy Link
Hi, Tagnuts420, I am a girl and this is my two cents. When guys have done that to me in the past I find it fairly insulting. I always knew that they were trying to ask me out and now they are getting defensive because I turned them down.
The absolute sexiest thing a guy can do is to genuinely express interest and then politely say "okay" if I decline. Vulnerability equals sex appeal. It is both vulnerable and confident when a puts themselves out there by asking me out.
Additionally, don't forget that a lot of women are going to be flattered by your inquiry... don't negate their good feelings by cutting them down with a joke. See your ask as a way to make their day better, not a way that would make your day more awkward or painful.
[–]opiod-ant 39 points40 points41 points 6 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link
Woman here too. Completely agree with this. Confidence is everything and it’s disrespectful to be thought of as “a joke” to ask me out. Own up to what you want. That’s like those movies where the bully pretends to ask out the nerd or fat girl. Rejection happens, but it’s a whole lot worse to have an immature response than a grown “alright, I respect your decision. Goodbye.”
[–]daddy_taylor -2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link
The problem with this is is myself and guys like me don’t give a shit enough about a specific girl to want to “make her day better”. I’ve put up with enough dirt bags and narcissists to know that like the majority of guys are just okay quality, the majority of girls are the same. It’s just how society is. I would love to flatter girls but why would I care about making their lives better if I don’t think they deserve it. When I am asking a girl out, it’s for me, not for them (unless I actually know the girl is a really good person and I am interested in them), so I can find out who they are as a person and if I want to spent my precious little time on this earth with them. If I didn’t care about the girl and I just wanted to flatter her “make the world a better place”, then I guess I wouldn’t give a fuck in general, but it’s a real skill to become so confident in yourself that you can handle not getting what you want, or being told you’re not worth a girl you want with a smile on face. It’s a sign of: I have everything I need, this would be extra and why not pay $20 more for a little extra slice of life.
People learn to throw tantrums when they don’t get their way from a young age, that’s how many weak parents have raised their kids. Weak parenting has resulted in this so when guys don’t get their way with women, they get salty. However, if we are taught discipline, we are taught to be great full for what we have and more satisfied. This stems from a life that is already in order and leads to abundant mindsets.
These men and women are salty and they are more often than not running away from personal issues with sex and relationships. Playing games is a way for people to get instant gratification when they feel bored or have need an escape from their low self-esteem, or if they are trying to protect themselves from getting hurt. The latter is okay but really needs to be managed so you don’t sabotage actually good relationships
These issues are problems for both genders.
[–]MbyMordred 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
So you're going into dating with a general prejudice? That's really not the point of the whole thing
[–]daddy_taylor 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
I’m going on with a realistic view of people. When I meet friends it’s the same. Male or female. I know that people are inherently selfish. Sure. But I want to invest my time into people who I deem to be worth that time. You need to be selfish in this world but learning when to be generous is also important, otherwise you’ll waste away your life
[–]MbyMordred 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
Well, it might be the fact that I'm relatively young so I have been disappointed by people fewer times, but that's a really pessimistic way to look at the world, no? There might be many many bad, selfish people out there, but those who count are the genuinely good people who actually enjoy your company.
[–]daddy_taylor 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
That’s basically what I’m saying. Realism is this is the way it is, there’s nothing we can do so let’s work with it. Realism + optimism is this is the way it is, lets achieve results and maybe even change it! Pessimism is oh well this is the way things are, they aren’t changing, there’s no point trying.
When you are happy you will attract people, the right and wrong kinds. In my personal opinion, happiness comes from within and is lost when you are needy (leads to investing time everywhere else but yourself).
[–]MbyMordred 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Oh I see now, i had kinda misunderstood what you said! Yeah I guess if you're not happy with yourself you can't really commit to allowing someone to be happy with ya either
[–]daddy_taylor 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Bingo, no you cannot
[–]yeehawwbrother69 -3 points-2 points-1 points 6 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link
Lmfao it doesn’t matter what happens after because your rejection is set in stone lmfao who gives a fuck about your feelings when you’re already not a prospect anymore? Lol the ego on you women is astounding.
[–]opiod-ant 3 points4 points5 points 6 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link
Oh, my fault. I didn't realize this was an incel sub. What I don't get about "nice guys" is they don't care about being GOOD PEOPLE. who cares about anyone's feelings? Who wants to make someone's day better?? Like, yeah, I do whether I want to have sex with them or not. I like caring about people's feelings. But you weirdos don't give a shit about anyone but yourselves and you only want to ACT to get what you want. And that's why you will fail at picking up women. Because you're not a good person.
[–]Cafrann94 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
I’m with you. That mindset is so bizarre. Explains why they’re on this sub in the first place imo
[–]opiod-ant 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Right?? "Seduction. Ah yes, let's find out how to seduce women." Women tell ways to seduce that may work "AH GROSS, I have to be NICE to women and LIKE them?? But they STINK!"
[–]yeehawwbrother69 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You’re retarded lmfao
You people love to scream incel at anything that is realistic lmfaoooo you’re confusing multiple terms with 1. Manipulative “nice guys” are being nice for pussy that’s COMPLETELY different than being nice because YOU WANT TO BE NICE. You’re not so holy either as I bet you’ve done things and still expected something in return, wether it was a validation or even a simple thank you. It’s still manipulation at its core. You women get hot and bothered when that hot guy rejects you and start calling men dicks/assholes/ and every other name in the book. I never said be disrespectful to women I simply said who cares about how you view the man after the rejection, you’ve said no so that man has no further value in you. He doesn’t want to be your friend and doesn’t have to, I’m been rejected countless times and never once got mad and threw a fit because she said no I simply went on about my life. lmfao hence the reason it doesn’t do shit for your “attraction” to that guy because you’ve already rejected him so preaching your Disney princess bullshit to try and trick men into doing that by saying “it’ll make you more attractive” is duh duh duh manipulative lmfao it comes full circle aye. The ONLY time this changes is when it’s a hot guy because you’ll do ANYTHING for a hot guy 😂🤣😂 AMAZIN!!
[–]Leionart 2 points3 points4 points 6 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link
It’s “sexy” for a guy you reject to be non chalant about it? Okay sure I’ll give you that. But you already rejected him. Any chance of that “sex appeal” and “confidence” to amount to anything was already shot down. This is so misleading for a lot of guys.
Now I’m all for being a good person and not leaving destruction behind after rejection and spreading negative vibes
But let’s not equate “vulnerability” in this instance to “sex appeal”. You’re not all of the sudden going to stop a guy after you already said no and change your mind after he says “okay”. Let’s not lie and give false hope here.
Rejection already sucks for both parties. You’re dealing even more damage by leading us on
[–]relationships_foryou 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
Depends, she might not accept him, but if her friends like him she will definitely be more eager to wing woman for him. Also its not about getting something, its just being a class act, not taking a rejection personally. Its attractive and in some situations. If they meet down the road and start getting to know each other more as friends she will remember what class act he was. could lead to something.
[–]Leionart 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Depends, she might not accept him, but if her friends like him she will definitely be more eager to wing woman for him.
If you get rejected in front of a girl and her friends see you, you believe that her friends will see you as more attractive? Your value in that group's eyes just massively took a nosedive regardless of how much they liked you before you got rejected. You just got preselected to be a less desireable guy. She will be more eager to get out of that situation than try to help a guy she just rejected. That's real life, not a fairy tale. That whole statement is just false.
its just being a class act, not taking a rejection personally
This I can get behind. Don't take rejection personally and move on, don't even give it a second thought. You are wasting your time and energy by being reactive when you can go try with the next girl. And frankly being reactive will just be bad for everybody. But in OP's mind I think whatever he uses to help propel himself forward and not dwell on the rejection is a good thing; humor is so powerful.
If they meet down the road and start getting to know each other more as friends she will remember what class act he was. could lead to something.
Again stop feeding the fire. This is just leading guys down a road to chasing and giving women attention who already flat out rejected them. Careful with the "advice" you give. The chances of something like this actually happening in real life is close to zero. Dwelling on the girl after rejection in hopes that "someday" it will pay off is unhealthy and misleading. Frankly, I'm concerned for the people you "coach" as a self proclaimed "relationship coach". You're selling people snake oil and the worst part is you don't even seem to know it.
[–]relationships_foryou 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I was going to write but you stole my answer. This perfect. Everyone is so scared of offending women or being considered creepy. But honestly most girls like being hit on. Being called beautiful and asked out on a date is a compliment for most women. 100% agree.
[–]Tagnuts420 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Thanks for the feedback.
Its very hard for me and for alot of men to open up and express emotion, especialy to a woman you hardly know. Making it more lighthearted and less arkwrd by adding a bit of humor is an easy cope.
It takes me while to express my emotions to women, even longer to open up about my feelings. Men arent as emotionaly sensitive as women. We are like that to stay strong and deal with bullshit head on, since we are the ones who make up most war deaths, work deaths, and suicide, we need ways of managing our emotions so they dont fuck us up. Because when mens lives start going to shit, we try and bottle it up and put pur heads down and just move through the trenches, women cry out for help, because they know they will get it. Men dont get the same treatment as women do, we are expected to be responsible for ourselves. That isnt something that will ever change, its just how humans work.
Its easier for me to be more lighthearted and not take it seriously until the right time. If we are emotional and open right off the bat. I bet you a million dollars that man will be friendzoned. Also getting defensive when you turn them down is not humoring the situation, thats taking it way too seriously and just being weak.
[–]theosamabahama -2 points-1 points0 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude, I understand how you feel. But women have to deal with a lot shit we don't, like rape and sexual assault. Let's not make this a competition of victim hood. Both men and women suffer in different ways.
Also, it doesn't help your case with dating. If you want sympathy, I sympathize with you. I really do. I also feel like girls have it easier with dating. But how is that gonna help you ? Complaining that others have it easier ain't gonna change anything. Just focus on solving your problem.
[–]theosamabahama 42 points43 points44 points 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
If you got rejected, you got rejected. There is no need to make a plan for what happens afterwards. You just say "ok" and leave.
If you go in asking, expecting to be rejected, you are already screwed. The common advice is to do the opposite. Expect to be accepted.
When you joke around, that's cringy.
[–][deleted] 10 points11 points12 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
If anything you should be making a plan for what the hell yo ass is gonna do if she says yes. That’s when the REAL challenge begins. Like aight, you think you’re hot shit? Now you gotta prove it to the girl on the first date.
[–]Tagnuts420 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link
Humor is an easy cope, saying ok when being rejected is arkward as hell. Taking the piss out of yourself a bit eases it, and being lighthearted from the start makes the whole situation easier to deal with.
Emotions suck, they feel horid, especialy when being rejected. Id rather not take everything 100% seriously until its the right time to do so.
[–]theosamabahama 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I feel like you are afraid of asking them out and is trying to find ways around it to not feel bad about being rejected. You are gonna get rejected dude, a lot. It's just part of the game. You just need to not take it personally and deal with it. It hurts in the beginning, but after the 10th rejection, it doesn't hurt anymore.
There is no way around this, man. Just embrace the game and be proud of yourself for keep trying. Go in head straight. If you have to enter a pool of cold water, you can't keep dancing around the pool awkwardly, afraid of getting in. You just need to jump into it all at once.
Id rather not take everything 100% seriously until its the right time to do so.
That's the point. Don't take the rejection seriously. Don't take it personally. You don't need to joke about it. Just accept it like a man. Smile and say "ok, it was nice meeting you."
[–]FrozenO-Ring 4 points5 points6 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I’ve 100% done this.
My nights out for the first year of college consisted of me getting stupidly drunk and chatting up multiple women in smoking areas. It works, and when it doesn’t work it’s just kinda fun. I was doing it with a girl who told me she was lesbian, I kept going and she goes ‘dude I honestly like women’ I said something stupid like ‘well then we’ve something in common’ and that’s how I made friends.
[–][deleted] 8 points9 points10 points 6 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link
Dude have fun with it. If youre going to flirt I wouldnt say to expect to be rejected just know that its possible. Go into the experience looking to have fun, and to help her have fun. Some people click, and some people dont. For example I have a girl im dating, but I had a cute girl come into work for a blood draw(I work in a lab and draw blood) I was just being friendly and I come across as flirty without the intent. Im comfortable around women and when theyre comfortable around you i.e. you arent looking for sex or being weird your experiences will be better. My point being, have fun, dont expect anything, let things flow naturally. Make eye contact, read her reactions. Stay calm she's human just like you are
[–]walleyworld 1 point2 points3 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Nah man be direct and only use your damn phone for setting up a date. Flirt in person
[–]okay_this_is_epic366 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
when you talk to enough girls online (not even that many) you start to realize how little they're invested in the conversation you're having. you'll eventually start to feel the same way and won't even care if they end the correspondence abruptly. maybe one will go right and you'll have a date, great, but if the conversation ends there's no reason to worry. she's just as disposable to you as you were to her.
[–]Dilpil01 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link
What's the reason for making jokes? Are they part of a friendship group and you're trying to keep it civil or something?
If you get rejected by a girl you want to date, why care or keep trying to talk? Very unlikely change their mind so why bother worrying about making it into a joke? Don't stroke your ego if it doesn't work out with someone that isn't interested just move on to the next.
[–]Tagnuts420 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link
If a girl says no, take the rejection lightly and humor it a bit. Then fuck off.
When you start to talk to a girl its easier to joke around and be lighthearted. Once you are already in there and she has stated intrest. Thats when you slowly start to be more serious
[–]Dilpil01 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Yeah I guess - but my point is why even bother to humor it? What's to gain? That to me says you care what they think after the rejection when they are of no use anymore. It's no biggie either way.
[–]DarkCr3ation 0 points1 point2 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
You have to realize that when you post anything, especially in regards to this, there will be dumb asses that skew your meaning and twist your words on you and talk a bunch of dumb shit because they don’t have their own lives to live. I didn’t even read any comments but I’m sure more than half of them probably did
[–]allthecoffeesDP -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Even just asking us feels cringy.
[–][deleted] 6 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link
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[–]Radicalmattitude1 -1 points0 points1 point 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
I think you’re onto something here, but there’s a better way to think about it: Instead of trying to make rejection less awkward, just assume that it’s not awkward at all. By trying to turn rejection into a joke, you’re still conveying to her that you’re affected by the rejection and need to cover it up or something. Just treat rejection like another part of the conversation, it’s really not a big deal if she says no to one of your requests. In fact, you’ll find that “no” often times just means “not yet” or “not right now”. So you’re right in trying to play it off as a joke to make it less awkward, but the best way to do that is to believe and act like it’s not awkward and she’ll be more likely to follow your lead.
[+]Full-wishbone -7 points-6 points-5 points 6 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link
Always go with humor. The easiest way I know to get a girl is to make her laugh 😆 Remember, there is no such thing as rejection. Think of it as learning opportunity and move on if it comes to that.
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[–]boot_leg_therapy 157 points158 points159 points (20 children) | Copy Link
[–]opiod-ant 39 points40 points41 points (13 children) | Copy Link
[–]daddy_taylor -2 points-1 points0 points (6 children) | Copy Link
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