Meet a girl 2 nights ago online. We hit it off, and exchanged contacts. She lives way out in Washington state (I'm in New Jersey. I know. Far away, but we didn't know that when we added each other on Snap. I don't need comments or feedback on the long distance thing. It's off topic, and I'm not asking for it. I need help with the situation below. So please keep it to yourself.).

This afternoon, we texted briefly while she was at a slow day of work. I then had to run some errands, and told her she was free to hit me up anytime tonight if she wanted some company. She said "I absolutely will! I'm sure I'll be picking your brain about all kinds of things."

When tonight came, it started off lighthearted. We talked about smoking weed, getting older, sent funny selfies to each other. She laughed at a story I told her, while playfully pointing out my NJ accent. I joked about how we have such horrible drivers in my state, and she said -

"The real question is: when are we going to the Jersey shore?"

I took it as a joke, and remarked playfully "Yeah, yeah very clever. If that's not the 1,578th time I've heard that one...The day I find Bigfoot out in the Pacific North West on a rainy day and drink Starbucks with him".

HER: " I know, I know. But I was being serious."

ME: "Well, if you've never been here you're welcome anytime. Our beaches are pretty great and the boardwalk scene is absolute fire. A real Fair/Amusement park kinda vibe to them. I've never been to the West Coast, honestly. That's on my bucket list."

HER: "Well come visit."

ME: "One of these days! I do know some people out there, so I have a few connections."

HER: "It will happen."

ME: "Yes. I'd def give cabin camping a try over there" (we talked about camping the night we meet, so it was a reference to that)

HER: " Oh yeah. A must."

ME: "That shit's the dream. The idea of chopping my own wood and surveying the land? Sign me up."

HER: "Yeah I get it. I definitely want something similar. I want to live in a tree house with a big studio for me to do my glass work."

ME: "Sounds like heaven. But I'm curious...Would that entail alone time, or having some company?" (was tryna be suggestive here)

......And suddenly this is where it got serious as fuck

HER: "Like, would I want to share that with a life partner? I love, love so yes it would be amazing to share my life and passions with someone but I also don't have any expectations that will happen, so I just focus on doing my own thing. Men don't look at me and think, huh I want to make this girl my wife/gf/partner/whatever. They look at me and think I'll give them a wild night lol. So I tend to stay away from trying to date anymore."

ME: "That's a very human way to feel. Most of us want that sense of companionship & share ourselves with someone else. You're not alone. It can be hard to find. Fwiw, from the brief time we spoken, you seem like someone of high value & you're interesting to talk to. So if someone doesn't like ya, they can take it or leave it. I myself struggle with like flirting, knowing the right thing to say, etc. Anxiety in dating. Was mostly a late bloomer growing up.

HER: " Yeah, me too. Total fat kid."

ME: "You're very cute. Like mannerisms, passions, and all."

HER: "Thank you. I appreciate that."

ME: "Case in point, when you asked when we were going to Jersey shore and then said you're serious. I kinda froze a bit."

HER: "Lol sorry!"

ME: "Don't be. I can just be very shy. Social skills can be hard for me to harness. But I always try."

HER: "No worries. I have no expectations. Just fun getting to know a cool stranger. Lol well I struggle with social stuff too. I just kinda sit back and watch or I get nervous and loud lol."

Me trying to steer the convo back to Flirty

ME: " Yeah, the struggle is real haha.....So what happened to that girl earlier who mentioned about, and I quote, **'picking your brain about all kinds of things?' I know you weren't just talking about harvesting my brain for the black market."

HER: "I was planning on asking you all kinds of questions. But our conversation developed differently this evening I suppose. And now it's bed time."

ME: "It kinda took a turn for the serious, admittedly."

HER: "Not a bad thing. Your sensitivity and emotional awareness is refreshing."

ME: "Thank you. Well, if you're up for a Snap phone call one of these nights, I'd love to chat with ya and hear what some of those questions are. And sure thing! Have a goodnight also. Hope you sleep well."

^ Here, she didn't respond to my offer of a phone call/asking me those questions in the future. She simply responded -

HER: "Goodnight! Sweet dreams!"

Sorry that was long. But basically:

  • I took her serious answer to my "company in the woods" question as a green light to be vulnerable with her. She was vulnerable with me.

  • However, this apparently came at the expense of her asking me some juicy (potentially flirty) questions tonight.

  • What's more, is that I am bugged out by the fact she didn't respond to my offer about having a Snap phone call. Is that a bad sign?

  • When she said she found my sensitivity and emotional awareness refreshing, could she have meant that in a friendship type of way, or still courtship?

  • How else was I supposed to respond to her "Men don't see me as wife/gf material" comment? She kinda put me in an unfair spot.

Also - she's older than me and has mentioned about being the only person in her friends group who is still single. She's also admitted about being "a lot" to handle. She's 31 years old. I'm 28.