Need serious help with dates

norwegiandoggo · 2025-02-20T21:39:25+00:00

You are supposed to lead every step of the way.

I'm putting it a bit bluntly, but a majority of women expect you to ask them out on every single date. From the first date, to date 5000 when you're married to her for 20 years.

So when you don't ask them out on the second date - you are rejecting her.

You wrongly think it's the opposite - and that she is rejecting you when she doesn't ask you out for the second date. But you are soooo wrong in making this assumption that she should now take the lead. You don't suddenly switch roles. You're still the man, expected to lead. So begin asking them out on a second date, and a third, and a fourth etc.

To make a date more memorable for her, and more impactful, you have to learn how to physically escalate to kissing and/or sex.

DaygameCode · 2025-02-21T00:48:53+00:00

• Hugs are for friends, either kiss on the cheek or hold her hand and kiss it in a romantic way. You need to make interactions with women man to woman, instead of platonic. The hug sets the tone that you are just gonna treat her as a buddy, instead of as a woman you desire.

• The “thank you for today, i had a great time” sounds too formal. It’s better to be playful, or bring an inside joke about what happened, or maybe a teasing remark like: “Wow, you were actually fun to spend time with, I’m impressed” or “That was surprisingly fun, I might let you take me out again ;)”.

• I am not a fan of thanking women that I spent time with on a date. Like what is there to thank? That she showed up? That you are grateful she gave you an opportunity?

I wouldn’t thank a friend for hanging out, so why would i thank her for hanging out with me? It’s like i’m grateful she showed up? As if she did me a favor or something…

It might seem insignificant to focus so much on this, but it’s those subtle things that suggest you see her as above you and that you are there to prove your worth rather than acknowledging that you both wanted to see each other and are equal.

• Lastly, women not wanting to follow up with you doesn’t mean you are unworthy, or that they are saying you suck… It just means that they didn’t feel a connection with you. It’s not fair that the way you interpret the rejection is so harsh, because by doing that you are treating them as if they are ruthless villians whose goal is to make you feel bad about yourself.

They didn’t ask you to assign that role in your story. They are just making decisions about what feels right to them, and it’s not cool that you antagonize them indirectly like that because you have decided that you need to wait permission from women to feel good about yourself.

Women aren’t arbiters of your worth, they are not some type of supreme court of a man’s worthiness where their validation is something that you interpret as proof that you are worth something and that rejection is something you interpret as proof that you are worth nothing.

Her rejection is not something that defines you, You are not less valuable because someone didn’t want to pursue a relationship with you. Much like when you don’t like a particular woman it does not mean that she isn’t good enough for guys like you. Other guy will appreciate her company.

Not every person we are interested in is someone who will align with us and not every woman we want is even good for us, so stop acting like their lack of interest is a failure or a measure of your worth, because it’s not. It’s simply lack of mutual compatibility, which is normal, and happens to everyone including women.

Women don’t connect with every guy they are interested in, and that doesn’t she is unworthy just because the guy is uninterested in her. Only people with low self-esteem think less of themselves just because someone they liked sisnt connect with them because they keep treating dating as some type of evaluation about their worth, when that’s not what dating is about.

• You should approach interactions with women not as a “seeker” of validation but as someone who simply wants to connect and share moments, regardless of the outcome.

Your opinion of yourself and your worth should be defined by your willingness to take risks (because while cowards are too scared to do it, you should be proud of yourself for having the balls to take on those risks), your ability to stay true to yourself, your ability to bounce back from setbacks or rejections without attaching your self-esteem to those outcomes and your willingness to learn and adapt to new scenarios based on each negative or positive experiences.

So remember that your value isn’t dependent on the outcome of each date or approach, but on your willingness to keep showing up, to learn from each experience, and to grow in the process.

This mindset shifts you from seeking approval to cultivating self-assurance and emotional independence, which makes you more attractive overall.

Rhino3750ss · 2025-02-20T21:27:14+00:00

Ending the dates usually involves me doing the same. We hug and walk away.

Difference is that I'm not afraid of being seen as needy because I know I'm not.

After the first date, I don't text until she does UNLESS 3 days already past. On day four I will send one followup text. After that I don't text at all unless I'm responding to a text from her. I don't send multiple consecutive texts for any reason.

If the girl is very interested, she will trick you with silence as if she isn't to see what you do.

The girl wants to know if you are interested enough to text her after a period of silence, but she also has to know you aren't so prematurely over-interested that you are in a rush to get her to reply. This is why 1follow up text from you after 3 days is important, the response or lack thereof will tell you if its a lost cause or she was just making sure you were actually interested.

liftingnstuff · 2025-02-20T22:02:50+00:00

Don't agree with waiting multiple days to text. Girls are getting attention all the time. Strike while you're fresh in their memory. But it's your job as a man to follow up again.

Escalate during the date. The date shouldn't end on the high note unless it's ending in sex. She liked you enough to go on the date with you. You should be able to escalate in steps to a kiss. Escalate to light touching of the hand, shoulder, lower back, face and to a kiss during the date.

I will always try to escalate as far as possible on a date - in a calibrated way. If I think the date is going well but she won't sleep with me on the first date I'll sometimes seed the idea of a second date during the first date.

passionoftheearth · 2025-02-21T02:25:29+00:00

You should never feel the pressure to end the date on a high note.

Just say something like - ‘I’ll see you around’. There really is no need to supplicate by saying ‘I really had a great time’ etc.

What you want to though is create uncertainty if you instead to telling her every time, that you enjoyed time with her. Some tension is great to stir her emotions. Make her feel that she’s missing you.

There’s so much more to say about this topic. But considering this a post, I’ll keep it short here.

Title	Need serious help with dates
Author	mix3456
Upvotes	5
Comments	5
Date	February 20, 2025 9:00 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1iu98gv/need_serious_help_with_dates/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/need-serious-help-with-dates.1544448 https://theredarchive.com/post/1544448

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