Hello. This is my first post here so not sure if the flair fits this particular scenario. I’m 25M and have never been in a relationship before. I missed out on everything in middle school, high school, and yes even college. Honestly, most of it had to do with being born poor and needing to work instead of socialize, along with my own shyness and self esteem. I don’t think I’m hideous. I’ve seen guys who look worse than me have success with dating. I’ve had girls crush on me too, it just fell apart either because I didn’t escalate in time or I was simply awkward. However, in recent years, I have made great progress towards being more confident in my own skin. I honestly think I’m in the best mental and physical shape of my entire life.

My problem is I don’t really know how to navigate the current dating world. Lots of people have all this baggage they just refuse to address. It’s hard to trust anyone, or really have the most basic kind of conversation. I don’t think apps are for me. I’m just more dynamic in person and able to showcase myself. But as an adult in the Midwest, particularly a very religious red state with a “meh” education system, working in a male dominated field (engineering) it’s hard to find the right social circles that could result in me finding the girl I’m attracted to: artistic, open minded, nerdy, who shares my weird sense of humor.

I’m beginning to think that my best bet ultimately will be to work on myself over the next 2-3 years, get my career established, and then find a better job outside my home state in a more diverse, populated area and then try to date. But by that time I’ll be approaching 30. I don’t know a lot of people still casually dating past 30. Most people I know are married by then. Some even have one or several kids.

I’m posting here just to hear stories from other late bloomers like myself who weren’t able to find success in the dating world until their late 20s and early 30s. What changed? What kept you motivated while watching everyone experience dating while you didn’t for years? Was it a change of lifestyle? Change of social circles? What advice could you give to someone like myself?